To think if you don't like my dogs barking at you get the hell off my drive

[Qantaqa]

I'll start this by saying I am tired and miserable so am in no mood to be reasonable today AT ALL.

I have many dogs. Large dogs. There are dog flaps so they can run in and out as they wish onto the property. I am rural and one of the purposes of the dogs is to alert me to people around, so I aren't bothered by them barking if someone comes to the gate.

The gateway to my drive is set back about 15ft so that I can park the car without having to open the gates and drive in. Its clearly my driveway and separate from the road.

There is this one cyclist who every single time after cycling up the hill stops and pulls into the drive and has a rest. Now he could stop on the other side of the road where there is a public track, or he could cycle for like another 30ft and stop at the entrance to the forest but no he chills in the drive. Every. Single. Time.

The dogs bark at him. He shouts at them to be quite. They obviously ignore him. I used to shout them back in but the last few weeks I haven't bothered because well I'm grumpy.

Today my mum has arrived to visit and the cyclist is yet again in the drive. He's had a bit of a go at her. She's come in mithering at me so I've gone out and told him very rudely that if he doesn't like them barking at him to stop standing on the fucking drive. It got into a bit of a heated discussion before I stormed off. He's going to report me apparently as they are intimidating and its illegal to have a camera and no signs and blah blah blah.

So whilst I might BU to have gone out and created more drama instead of ignoring him AIBU to think if you don't want to be barked at get the fuck off my land?

@IttyBittyTittyCommittee - oh SO beautiful! There's just something about the way Shepherds look at you! ❤️

Beautiful

@Fraaahnces - another beauty! ❤️

@Fraaahnces

Oh yours are beauties! I’ve had GSDs all my life, and I love them… I think they are excellent guard dogs and so loyal… always safe with a Shepherd around! Love the colours of yours too!🐾

@

OMG
I would want to hop over the fence for a cuddle. They are gorgeous. My favourite breed.
^^^^^
Oh me too.
My favourite breed.

Of course he wouldn't, he's just enjoying intimidating you because you are female.
Can you get some pet birds and train them to shit on his head.... I know that's a stupid suggestion but all of my other suggestions would land you in prison

Hah…mine was the opposite kind of. She wasn’t allowed to bark on her first outing of the morning. No one needed to hear her at 5am. So if there was something or someone she wanted to bark at she’d do this almost silent ‘wooof’ complete with puffed out jowls. This was funny because she had a impressively LOUD bark for a 70lb dog.

That being said, she was so good about not barking in the morning that if she did I was on alert. There were only two reasons she audibly barked in the morning. If there was a coyote or if the neighbor’s paper delivery guy was late (I once heard him grumble over ‘yeah yeah I’m only a few minutes behind give me a break’)

He’s an entitled bellend.

He needs to piss off out of your drive. I’m fuming and it’s not my drive 😂

I’ve name changed to show you my scary doggo 😆

@SlipSlidinAway

Thank you… sometimes ‘the look’ is a little bit “lights on, no-ones home” but she’s a sweetie! She insists on sleeping with me… her snoring, twitching and farting can be a little 😱 but nobody would get in the house to attack me!
Favourite hobbies include watching tv, ripping twigs out of the hedge to bring to me and dozing off in the sunshine…

@Scaryshepherd
Beautiful

@SmallFerret

😂 had to read your post twice… then laughed out loud!!
My name is from an actual American club, started as a reposte against the boom of big fake boobs in 80s USA. Always used to make me laugh as a name!

There were only two reasons she audibly barked in the morning. If there was a coyote or if the neighbor’s paper delivery guy was late (I once heard him grumble over ‘yeah yeah I’m only a few minutes behind give me a break’)

She probaby thought the coyote had got him, he should've been honoured that he had a floofy guardian .angel
And accepted his telling off in good grace

Quite.

In my more feral youth, I lived on a dodgy estate, & had a GSD/Wolfhound cross. He looked like a bruiser who'd eat all-comers for breakfast, but was actually a sweetheart who lived to please & work. He learned 30 verbal commands that he's comply with on a whisper (that famed GSD/pastoral dog verbal ability) & would delight visitors with his smartness, softness around kids, & ... unusually large & characterful presence.

I also mantrained him, so I could enjoy the youthful perks of trailing home from parties at 3am without fear. One afternoon, jumping into my van to pick up a big cooking pot for an impromtu mass curry party, some entitled twat of a bloke boy-racered round the corner as I was already pulled out. Twat came to a sharp stop just in time to avoid collusion, & abruptly gestured for me to reverse back into my previous parking spot.

Cue Mexican stand off. I had no more patience for angry little men in those days that I do now, but a great deal more physical prowess.
He kept gesturing, I feigned incomprehension.
He started shouting. I laughed at him.
He got out of his souped up wideboy car, & made menacing gestures. I switched off my engine.
He stamped up to the driver's side door, & threw it open thinking he was going to bully me. I said, very quietly, "Ferret's Dog - paws UP"
Dog hurled himself across my lap & stood his front paws on twat's shoulders.
Twat was making some noises now, but not very comprehensible ones, so the next quiet command was "Ferret's Dog - SPEAK".
Twat got one huge resounding warning bark 2 inches from his face.
Next words were "do you want to move your car out of my way now, or do you need my dog to talk to you some more?"

His walk of shame was priceless. Dog & I dined out on that story for years.

PS my male mate was also in the van cab with me, & did nothing "manly", but his support was constant irrepressible laughter. Twat hadn't seen Dog til it was too late - male friend knew what was coming ...

I disagree Shark, reckon this is the best suggestion yet. 😂

Hope OP chooses crows, & sports a gothic outfit as she terrorises the mother-scaring twat.

Gosh, I'm a cyclist and a dog lover. I'm even fond of having a drink of water. This thread has got me in all a tizz having to choose between loyalties as if any of it is even real, gets out MN thread Bingo Card.

That's hilarious AND right-on Committee, kudos to the club!

Favourite hobbies include watching tv, ripping twigs out of the hedge to bring to me and dozing off in the sunshine…
Just as I thought. A vicious, rabid bitch ...

This has the makings of a plan.

Crows are smart and can be trained to recognize faces. OP needs to get a picture of shouty bike man and make a shouty bike man mask. Then she needs to harass the local crow population.

Angry crow study

Totally agree with you. If he doesn’t like the dogs barking, don’t stop there!

😂At this stage I don't even care about thread veracity, as you're right, it's got everything. Including PP ticking off OP for having the temerity to say rude words to a man who had sworn at her innocent mother. In fact, especially that.

I like to believe that OP hasn't returned to the fray yet because she's busy laying caltrops on her drive & training up precision-aiming crows.

Running with the crows & goth outfit idea...she could go full on witchcraft... effigies etc👀

Saltines, I am prepared to work with you on this plan. I like a woman who backs up her fey fancies with accredited scientific data. A mask can be easily created by printing off a couple of still shots from the security camera footage. Crows, I believe, enjoy a little light mutual harassment, & take it as sport.

Will there be costumes? I feel there should be recognisable branded costumery.
It only remains to get OP on board ...

Well clearly the OP needs to be wearing twatty Lycra during the training phase, but then I’m inclined to think she should go with the classic crone look for maximum affect.

@saltinesandcoffeecups has kinda kicked the effigy creation into touch with her masks notion, so I can't see what could possibly go wrong here.

Pic for inspiration purposes ...
https://www.reddit.com/r/Images/comments/rllc9v/youre_not_goth_unless_you_ride_the_subway_with/

I think I would put a notice on the gate, @Qantaqa - “Private drive - No Trespassing. Guards dogs on the premises” - then he has no excuse and no grounds to complain either to you or to the police.