To really not understand school mum behaviour?

[Mariettamayday]

I'll start by saying, I'm not really looking for more friends, particularly as my DD is now in year 6 but I can't help but still be baffled by school mum behaviour after all these years.

Here are some examples -

1. The way people act like best friends on the whatsapp group yet have never spoken in real life.

1. The way I will invite over/help someone out and they will be ever so grateful but then the next week go back to never speaking to me again. This is probably the worst feeling.

1. People are so moody/strange - one day they will say hi, the next they will walk past you like they don't even know you.

There are probably loads more examples.

I am a friendly person but I don't think I will ever understand the way people behave in the playground. I'm glad it's my DD's last year as I just find the behaviour so strange.

Is it just me?? I hope not.

Yes exactly this. But for some reason some people seem to have this strange sense of entitlement with school friendships, like the school pickup should be a guaranteed social life and then get anxious or get the hump when not everyone wants them to be their best friend. I think it’s quite childish tbh and like people are acting out some weird unfinished business from their own school days.

“School mums” aren’t some special species, they are just people with their own individual needs, hangups, problems and friendships. Other than basic respect and courtesy they don’t owe you anything purely on the basis that their kids are at school with yours.

I never see any posts about ‘bitchy, cliquey school gate dads’

I think it's something about being back in a playground.

Definitely not just you. There were a lot of cliques at my kids primary school (just a bog standard state) but there was no way you were ever going to infiltrate them even for just a friendly hello. There were a couple of very nice mums (one is still a good friend) but I was never part of a clique (thankfully). I was glad to see the back of it and once they were at seniors I didn’t have to bother with any playground stuff.

I am not sure any of the things listed would really bother me. There are hundreds of people in the same place for 10-15 minutes, all with the aim of getting kids to class/nursery/childminder and then home/work etc.

If I catch someone's eye and I recognise them and I'm not being yanked in the opposite direction by a 5 year old or dodging a football or manoeuvring a pram or balancing a gym bag and a toddler or whatever then yeah I might smile. Otherwise, I might miss them completely, or see them but not manage to smile or say hi quite in time. Then there are ten other parents also in eye line that you sort of know but only as 'Marks mum' or Either Jack or Ellie's gran, can't remember as they both have a navy coat'

WhatsApp is a different ballgame, much easier to be chatty and friendly on there without having the faintest idea what they look like.

I don't really feel like any of it is drama or cliqueyness. It's just the nature of the school run!

OP - True, I agree.
I bought a school uniform from one of the mums in Y3, she advertised on school FB page, I responded, we knew each other from the gates but we never talked as she always had her friends around her.
Anyway I bought this school jacket from her and I went to pick it up to her house, we were like the best friend!
We chatted and laughed for a good hour at her front doors!
3 days later I met her walking in my local park and she completely blanked me and ignored my hello, I am still shocked by this 3 years later and I still don’t understand..

Yep. There’s a few parents I ‘know’ from nursery but if I saw them in the supermarket I would probably just smile or say hi rather than stop to chat. Not because I don’t want to chat but I’d probably be nervous of ‘overstepping’ as an acquaintance. A couple of them are dads and I wouldn’t want to stop and chat if their wives were there in case they wondered who I was and how I know that they’re having an extension built (or whatever polite chat we make in the nursery queue). Just things like that, it’s not because I’m ‘ignoring’ people.

Like I said most people are socially awkward, even those who seem confident and outgoing.

This sounds exactly how I am!

Used to be quite friendly with some but as the kids get older they all formed a football clique and so did the mums
Mine hate sport so we're not good enough to socialise with now.
I go as late as I can to avoid all the nonsense. One mum invited both mine to her child party. All friendly while there now blanks me.
My husband does thr pick up and mum's will literally just ignore him ( or rush away so they don't need to speak to him). It's all very odd. I don't expect anything now. All too weird, too fuckong weird for me. Either speak to me or don't but don't be weird

3. People are so moody/strange - one day they will say hi, the next they will walk past you like they don't even know you.

I do this sometimes, usually because I’m distracted with my own thoughts or trying to keep ahold of my youngest who likes to run to school and manoeuvre him on a narrow pavement. I know some other parents I greet do the same so don’t take it personally

I’m friendly if talked to or will have a bit of chit chat while walking out once I’m kid-free but I’m not the type who is going to stand in the middle of gates and pavements having a chat and after school, I usually have to race home to make sure I’m there when the taxi comes who drops off my oldest from school. It’s only just last week that I don’t have to anymore because there’s an extra child now and my son is dropped off second instead of first!

I really just want to drop my child off at school and get on with the rest of my day. I don’t have to urge to stand around, but am happy to plan a meet up with someone sometime before school lets out.