Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Twelve year old at home alone, friend's parent "rescued" her

543 replies

SpringCalling · 30/04/2023 09:34

Hello
I'd like a reality check into whether I have lost the plot or not, Have a 12 year old DD. Last night I went out for 3 hours to a venue a 19 minute cycle away. She does not like babysitters and said no to the option of going to her dads. I have left her in the evening once before - for a couple of hours at a school do. So i thought ok will let her stay in her own again, she can call me if needed etc.
All day she had tried to get a sleepover with Friend A and it had not come off.
So i go out, one hour in I check my phone (had turned sound off as music venue) and loads of texts and calls. In short, she'd been on phone to Friend A saying she was scared and alone. And Friend A's mum had come to pick her up and taken her to her home! I left immediately and went to Friend A's home to bring her back. I apologised to DD that she was scared and have said in future she will just have to go to her dads etc. But I suspect master manipulation - she nearly got that sleepover after all. Plus not sure how to think about the friend's mum just picking her up, not calling me. I was incommunicado for an hour, but she didn't even try. Have i lost the plot? Was i unreasonable leaving 12 year old home alone for 3 hours?

OP posts:
Batalax · 30/04/2023 10:23

I’d text the mum and apologise and then just say that she knew she should have called her dad or gone to the neighbours, so you’ll be reviewing leaving her on her own again.

allisgood47 · 30/04/2023 10:23

There is no way I would leave my 12 year old home alone at night.

Fuerza · 30/04/2023 10:23

Jeezypeepers · 30/04/2023 09:45

I agree with this. Her dad lives 5 minutes away and she didn’t even try to contact him? Clearly she was just angling for the sleepover she had been denied before the dramatics.

Show quote history

I agree, if the child was the anxious type, I'm assuming OP would not have left her. OP knows her daughter and thought she'd be OK. Ordinarily I'd say yeh, better not to leave a 12 year old alone but the 12 year chose staying alone over staying with her Dad and had wanted the sleepover that she, as OP says, 'almost got'.

Next time she goes to her Dad's, end of.

Comedycook · 30/04/2023 10:23

Oh and even if your dd is a master manipulator, that just shows she's too immature to be left home alone...so either way your judgment is way off.

princessleah1 · 30/04/2023 10:24

12 years old is old enough to be left in the evening.

Spidey66 · 30/04/2023 10:25

junebirthdaygirl · 30/04/2023 09:45

Why didn't you just let her sleepover with her friend at the first request? Then she would have a nice night and you could have happily headed out and enjoyed your night. Sometimes we say no when really there is no need.

That was my thought too. Your daughter would enjoyed it and you know she's safe.

MermaidEyes · 30/04/2023 10:25

Mine are older and even now when I'm out I make sure I'm always contactable in case of any emergencies. However, I also wouldn't just pick up someone else's child without their parents being aware. That's not right. At the very least the other mum should have waited until your daughter had managed to get hold of you.

Jonei · 30/04/2023 10:25

You're not unreasonable to have left her for that long. But you are unreasonable for not being contactable.

Sisisimone · 30/04/2023 10:25

I definitely would not leave my 12 year old and fuck off to a gig for the night, no. I have left mine for an hour or so during the day but I think leaving her for a night out is too much. She stays with family on these occasions.

She obviously got spooked, was trying to call you for reassurance and panicked when she couldn't reach you. For you to blame your dd for this and call her manipulative makes you sound like a right piece of work. Can't believe you left her saying it's OK as youre contactable then you switch your phone off. What the fuck were you thinking?

I can't imagine what I'd be thinking of one of my dds friends mums if I had to go round and pick her friend up because she was home alone and frightened and her mum was uncontatable. Honestly can't imagine that happening. You owe the mum a very big thank you.

CovertImage · 30/04/2023 10:26

When l grew up we didn't have mobile phones so if parents went out they were out end of. And I don't remember it being a big deal.

But now they do have mobile phones so this little analogy is a bit pointless. "End of".

Comedycook · 30/04/2023 10:26

princessleah1 · 30/04/2023 10:24

12 years old is old enough to be left in the evening.

Well considering how the evening turned out, it clearly isn't for the ops dd

Zanatdy · 30/04/2023 10:27

Fine to leave a 12yr old for a few hrs

Hellybelly84 · 30/04/2023 10:27

I would go absolutely mental at friends mum. I would not be speaking to her again. You are allowed to walk to school from 10 at our school (I played out alone from 8 growing up), most secondary kids get the bus by themselves and go to town by themselves with friends. If a 12 year old cant be left by themselves for a few hours (other than those who have special needs ofcourse), then theres a serious problem.

I’d be addressing that with her today and make it clear shes a complete nutter.

EwwSprouts · 30/04/2023 10:28

You don't know if she was being manipulative as you didn't answer her calls. Had you answered the phone first call you could have said I'll send Dad to get you or I'll come home.

Wonford · 30/04/2023 10:28

Hellybelly84 · 30/04/2023 10:27

I would go absolutely mental at friends mum. I would not be speaking to her again. You are allowed to walk to school from 10 at our school (I played out alone from 8 growing up), most secondary kids get the bus by themselves and go to town by themselves with friends. If a 12 year old cant be left by themselves for a few hours (other than those who have special needs ofcourse), then theres a serious problem.

I’d be addressing that with her today and make it clear shes a complete nutter.

Yeah, maybe don't do this.

KittyAlfred · 30/04/2023 10:28

Hwory · 30/04/2023 09:58

Am I the only one wondering why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her friend but was allowed to stay home alone or go to her dads overnight?

I wondered that too. Surely a sleepover would have been the perfect solution.

Jennywren2000 · 30/04/2023 10:29

I don’t think you were unreasonable to leave her but you were unreasonable not to check your phone for an hour.

She is still a child and you’re responsible and if something serious had happened she would have needed to get hold of you.

Wonford · 30/04/2023 10:29

Sisisimone · 30/04/2023 10:25

I definitely would not leave my 12 year old and fuck off to a gig for the night, no. I have left mine for an hour or so during the day but I think leaving her for a night out is too much. She stays with family on these occasions.

She obviously got spooked, was trying to call you for reassurance and panicked when she couldn't reach you. For you to blame your dd for this and call her manipulative makes you sound like a right piece of work. Can't believe you left her saying it's OK as youre contactable then you switch your phone off. What the fuck were you thinking?

I can't imagine what I'd be thinking of one of my dds friends mums if I had to go round and pick her friend up because she was home alone and frightened and her mum was uncontatable. Honestly can't imagine that happening. You owe the mum a very big thank you.

This.

Hellybelly84 · 30/04/2023 10:29

Sisisimone · 30/04/2023 10:25

I definitely would not leave my 12 year old and fuck off to a gig for the night, no. I have left mine for an hour or so during the day but I think leaving her for a night out is too much. She stays with family on these occasions.

She obviously got spooked, was trying to call you for reassurance and panicked when she couldn't reach you. For you to blame your dd for this and call her manipulative makes you sound like a right piece of work. Can't believe you left her saying it's OK as youre contactable then you switch your phone off. What the fuck were you thinking?

I can't imagine what I'd be thinking of one of my dds friends mums if I had to go round and pick her friend up because she was home alone and frightened and her mum was uncontatable. Honestly can't imagine that happening. You owe the mum a very big thank you.

Does your 12 year old not go out with friends for trips out to town etc? Get the bus/train?

Surely they can be left in the safety of their own home for a few hours in the evening?

Goldenbear · 30/04/2023 10:29

CovertImage · 30/04/2023 10:26

When l grew up we didn't have mobile phones so if parents went out they were out end of. And I don't remember it being a big deal.

But now they do have mobile phones so this little analogy is a bit pointless. "End of".

Yes, I agree, it is completely irrelevant and actually you have made it worse by switching the thing on to silent!

Like I said I am early 40s and my Mum did not think I was old enough to be left, she was right to think that so 'no' back in the day not all parents thought it was ok, just like they don't now.

Wonford · 30/04/2023 10:30

KittyAlfred · 30/04/2023 10:28

I wondered that too. Surely a sleepover would have been the perfect solution.

Show quote history

I presume the friends mum didn't originally allow it.

Comedycook · 30/04/2023 10:30

Hellybelly84 · 30/04/2023 10:27

I would go absolutely mental at friends mum. I would not be speaking to her again. You are allowed to walk to school from 10 at our school (I played out alone from 8 growing up), most secondary kids get the bus by themselves and go to town by themselves with friends. If a 12 year old cant be left by themselves for a few hours (other than those who have special needs ofcourse), then theres a serious problem.

I’d be addressing that with her today and make it clear shes a complete nutter.

I have a 12 year old dd. If one of her friends was home alone, scared, calling my dd and the mum was uncontactable, I'd absolutely go round. The op owes the mum a thank you and a bottle of wine/flowers

Inkpotlover · 30/04/2023 10:30

Hellybelly84 · 30/04/2023 10:27

I would go absolutely mental at friends mum. I would not be speaking to her again. You are allowed to walk to school from 10 at our school (I played out alone from 8 growing up), most secondary kids get the bus by themselves and go to town by themselves with friends. If a 12 year old cant be left by themselves for a few hours (other than those who have special needs ofcourse), then theres a serious problem.

I’d be addressing that with her today and make it clear shes a complete nutter.

What a ridiculous response. The only mum who deserves a roasting in this scenario is OP. She went out to a gig and switched her phone off, making her contactable. Her DD was freaking out. The mum did the right thing picking her up.

There's a big difference to a 12 year old getting the bus into town with mates and then being left alone at night with no way of getting in touch with their mum.

Inkpotlover · 30/04/2023 10:30

I mean UNcontactable.

Tumbleweed101 · 30/04/2023 10:31

Is her dad a long way away? I'd have made her contact him for any problems and told him to be on standby if he is local. Single parents should be able to go out for an evening just like the absent parent can.

Swipe left for the next trending thread