Page 5 | Bank of mum and dad

squidwid · 2023-04-30T07:41:52+00:00

To think it's very hard to have it all, house, kids without the help of bank of mum and dad nowadays?

CampsieGlamper · 30/04/2023 12:35

It depends what you do and where you live.
Close to me - look up prices to buy in Ayrshire. ardrossan, saltcoats, Stevenston, Kilbirnie. One or two bed flats around £60000 or less. Travelling to Glasgow for work, say a call centre earning iro £18000 or above. Or a council job in Paisley or Irvine.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/04/2023 13:12

I've never had the bank of M&D. Moved out at 18 and lived in shared houses until I could afford to rent alone. Did that until I'd saved enough for a flat. Eventually upgraded to a small house. Have extended house so it better suits my needs. And here I am!

I agree that too many people want the big house, nice car and overseas holidays, but aren't prepared to take the scenic route!

I also don't understand why so many stay in London/SE if they can't afford it. There are plenty of jobs in much more affordable areas. So why don't people move?

FictionalCharacter · 30/04/2023 13:30

JustFrustrated · 30/04/2023 09:01

Nope. Disagree...

I imagine it is more difficult depending where you are in the country.

But I think the main thing that makes it hard, beyond costs, is people want things immediately. They're unwilling to go, grotty bedsit/small flat/small house/normal house/big house for example. They want to go from living at home to buying a 3 bedroom house with garden, whilst not changing their lifestyle. It seems this is the expectation (judging purely on what i see online/with younger colleagues etc)

I'm only 33 so not old. I, and DH, come from poverty - hiding from the provident man/not having 3 meals a day/shoes too small with holes in etc.and with that, the lower education chances, etc

Neither of us had or have any help from family, be that financial or meaningful childcare support.

But we've managed to buy a house, both of us worked full time whilst having young children and completed our degrees via open uni at the same time.

Maybe it is easier to sacrifice, if you never had anything that required sacrifice.

It wasn't easy at all, but it's doable. You have to cut your cloth.

I agree. I didn’t have a bank of mum and dad, they just couldn’t afford it. When I started my working life I lived in grotty shared houses for years, then tiny rented flats, the cheapest I could find with my bf. I bought my first property when I was in my 30s, a small one bedroom flat.
There does seem to be an expectation from young people now that even very early on in their working life, they should have their own home, and a good quality one at that.

budgiegirl · 30/04/2023 13:47

RandomMess · 30/04/2023 10:53

It is a lot more difficult than it was 20 years ago. We live in a more affordable area in the NW even house prices here have more than doubled whereas salaries haven't. What one person on a low salary could have bought on their own 25 years ago now needs two salaries.

We used to live in the SE 20 years ago we bought with 4 x our joint salary plus 15% deposit would now cost 8 x the equivalent joint salary plus 15% deposit - DH has the same job!!

I agree that it's much more difficult to get on the housing ladder now than it was for previous generations, unless you get help.

My MIL was telling my adult son that all he had to do was save up, go without a few things, and he'd be able to afford his own place. She was forgetting that when she and FIL bought their first house (in the 60s) they paid approx 1000 times her weekly salary (salary £6, house £6000) for a three bed detached house in an affluent area. That same house would now costs in the region of £600000. Even if my son and his partner never spent a penny on going out, holidays, cars etc, they couldn't get a mortgage even close to that sort of value.

So yes, it's harder nowadays. Salaries just haven't kept pace with house prices. I wouldn't even get a mortgage now for the first house I bought 30 years ago!

It really bugs me when people say 'young people want it all', and 'if only they saved instead of buying costas!" Because all my peers could have holidays, have a car, go out occasionally, and still afford get a mortgage on a fairly middle-ish income. This current generation really can't do that without making fairly major sacrifices, including moving away to cheaper areas.

produ · 30/04/2023 14:30

I also don't understand why so many stay in London/SE if they can't afford it. There are plenty of jobs in much more affordable areas. So why don't people move?

Jobs
Family
1st/2nd gen immigrants so feel more comfortable

Camablanca · 30/04/2023 14:54

produ · 30/04/2023 14:30

I also don't understand why so many stay in London/SE if they can't afford it. There are plenty of jobs in much more affordable areas. So why don't people move?

Jobs
Family
1st/2nd gen immigrants so feel more comfortable

Strangely I've met a lot more Londoners in Manchester than I've met in actual London. All moving up hereto afford property.
Plenty of diversity and jobs here :)

Supernova23 · 30/04/2023 15:00

Haha, no. Never took a penny from my parents after the age of 18. Neither of mine have a pot to piss in so wouldn't get anything anyway. I help my mum out massively financially.

Ponderingwindow · 30/04/2023 15:04

I’m having trouble with this one because it means different things to different people.

I’ve seen the struggle that a complete lack of support can bring. A parent who completely cuts off any financial support for a child and insists they move out the day they turn 18/finish school/etc.

a normal soft launch where a person can ease out of the household and live at home for a bit or possibly have financial support at university or training, I wouldn’t really call the bank of mom and dad. I would just call that basic parenting.

i would consider the bank of mom and dad to be financial support after that soft launch. Expecting financial support during your early earning years instead of living lean and paying rent like we all had to do. There seems to be this assumption that people should skip this step and that renting an awful flat somewhere isn’t a right of passage that every generation went through.

WormerWhep · 30/04/2023 15:12

It is/will become less common for that buffer to exist. The lockdowns expedited the (monetary) bank of mum and dad.

Diagonalley96 · 30/04/2023 15:21

squidwid · 30/04/2023 08:54

Not everyone has help but if you want 2.4 kids and a house. Then it's very difficult.

We have 5 children and a home without any help financially from family. Or any help with childcare.

Kazzyhoward · 30/04/2023 15:25

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/04/2023 13:12

I've never had the bank of M&D. Moved out at 18 and lived in shared houses until I could afford to rent alone. Did that until I'd saved enough for a flat. Eventually upgraded to a small house. Have extended house so it better suits my needs. And here I am!

I agree that too many people want the big house, nice car and overseas holidays, but aren't prepared to take the scenic route!

I also don't understand why so many stay in London/SE if they can't afford it. There are plenty of jobs in much more affordable areas. So why don't people move?

I agree with all that. We saved to buy things and didn't buy stuff we didn't need. We got no help from bank of Mum and Dad. As a result we'd been "together" ten years before we moved in together and got married - that was ten years of saving rather than spending. Ten years of not buying a new cd or video every week, ten years of not having takeaways every week or going out for meals every week.

Yes, housing costs are high, but sacrifices have to be made, just like they always had to be. My own parents lived in my father's parents' front room for five years back in the 60s until they saved enough to buy their own home - not many youngsters today would be happy started married life stuck in one room of their parent's house!

produ · 30/04/2023 15:53

@Camablanca I'm not sure if your point? I was simply answering why some people don't move. I'm a Londoner as is everyone I know pretty much. On Mns we are apparently unicorns but there are plenty of us here 😆

produ · 30/04/2023 15:55

Also on Mns you're an irresponsible parent if you don't save for your dcs future & you should prioritise this. However no one should expect any help from their parents 🤷🏻‍♀️

LBFseBrom · 30/04/2023 15:58

I too am a Londoner born and bred, albeit not central, and would not live anywhere else. I like it here. What's more we are all in the same boat at different times in our lives. However one cannot blame people for buying a house wherever they can afford it as things are at the moment.

Wenfy · 30/04/2023 16:06

It is possible if you have 1-2 children, focus on a high earning profession, and have them fairly late. But no, if you want to have kids and work part time in your mid-20s it probably isn’t possible any more.

Wenfy · 30/04/2023 16:10

produ · 30/04/2023 14:30

I also don't understand why so many stay in London/SE if they can't afford it. There are plenty of jobs in much more affordable areas. So why don't people move?

Jobs
Family
1st/2nd gen immigrants so feel more comfortable

Lets not forget the ‘London lifestyle’ too - transport is the cheapest in London, you don’t really need to drive if you live within zones 1-6, and many people are tricked by their employers into believing other cities like Birmingham and Machester don’t also receive the equiv of London allowance. Eg in Birmingham, Edinburgh and Manchester most STEM jobs pay the same as London because there’s a skills shortage.

produ · 30/04/2023 16:16

@Wenfy I remember getting on my first bus outside London when I moved for uni. I waited about 45mins for it & it was £2/3. I was shocked! 😆

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 30/04/2023 16:21

Contrary to popular belief there is a sweet spot between "commutable to London" and "£55k terrace in a pit village in County Durham with 40% unemployment".

The SW is great for this. Plenty of decent towns here within 45 minutes of Bristol and Bath for work, with houses from about £200k. Obviously you still need a £10k deposit but it's a lot more doable than many places.

Original poster

squidwid · 30/04/2023 18:52

@Wenfy 100% this. My parents did this. I had my kids late 20s/early 30s and we were "young". We struggled and still are. However, my parents are older and they'd be too old to enjoy them if we'd started having them now.

Something has to give. Pick two below:
Kids before 35
House
Good job.

Even then, jobs aren't guaranteed.

Both parents need to work and childcare is a joke.

Sure , there's a difference between want and need but we'll soon be needing a working population to look after the elderly. Do you really need care? 🙈

OP posts:

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 19:03

Something has to give. Pick two below:
Kids before 35
House
Good job.

You don't have to only pick two if you do your list in reverse.

Scottishskifun · 30/04/2023 19:07

squidwid · 30/04/2023 18:52

@Wenfy 100% this. My parents did this. I had my kids late 20s/early 30s and we were "young". We struggled and still are. However, my parents are older and they'd be too old to enjoy them if we'd started having them now.

Something has to give. Pick two below:
Kids before 35
House
Good job.

Even then, jobs aren't guaranteed.

Both parents need to work and childcare is a joke.

Sure , there's a difference between want and need but we'll soon be needing a working population to look after the elderly. Do you really need care? 🙈

People can (and do) have all 3 of those though without being a millionaire!
Both DH and I have good jobs but we worked our way up, moved jobs (and locations) to achieve it. Bought a house which was considerably less then what a bank was prepared to lend us (and now very glad we did). I'm just past mid 30s. Like I said previous people have to make sacrifices to get it though.

We saved before having children because we knew the costs of childcare and family childcare wasn't a option. But childminders are cheaper then private nurseries for instance.

As for parents would be too old to enjoy grandchildren......my husbands grandmother is 96 and plays chase/hide and seek etc with her great grandchildren she just uses a mobility scooter! Young children have been proven to keep older adults more active both physically and mentally.

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 30/04/2023 19:16

We have 3 kids 2 of which are dependant.

I've never asked my mum & dad for anything. I bought my first 2nd and 3rd house alone.

AlienEgg · 30/04/2023 19:34

MoroccanRoseHChurch · 30/04/2023 09:21

I think it’s double edged. If you’ve a wealthy mum and dad, you’ve likely got some start up cash available. You’ve ALSO got a role model. Someone who has trodden the path before you who you can aspire to. If your parents have never been to uni, never bought a house, you’ve not seen anyone do it. I’m projecting here because that was me and my brother. It was my best friend from school who pushed me out of minimum wage jobs and into University. But I had no idea that a bigger world existed out there.

In the end I was still £4k short for my first house, which my lovely DM and DF loaned me. So, yeah, I think most people have help.

So what is the "double edge"? All you listed here were positives to it?

AlienEgg · 30/04/2023 19:39

Survey99 · 30/04/2023 09:30

It really depends on where you live and your expectations.

My niece is 28 and in the last 5 years has got married, bought her own 4 bed home and had a baby. She works tills in sainsburys her dh brings home just a little bit more than she does but is doing training to help boost his income - they will never be high earners or able to afford holidays abroad every year, but are comfortable . It is in her home town, an ex-LA house, tiny garden, but perfectly reasonable place to live. Apart from a £4k ISA her mum gave her they did it themselves. When she does go back to work the plan is to use as little childcare as possible by working opposing shifts.

My other niece 29 has just stopped renting and bought a 2 bed flat with her fiance on the outskirts of a city close to us. He works in a library she is an average earner. Again they saved by themselves.

They are not much different than I was when I bought 30 years ago, maybe 5 years later than I did but they started working FT later than me too.

If any of that is true you must live in an incredibly cheap part of the country. And presumably you're aware of that so don't try to hold it up as average when you know it isn't.

Heedless · 30/04/2023 19:43

We (me, DH & 2 DC) definitely wouldn't be in the fortunate position we're in today if it weren't for my parents, and I'm forever grateful to them for that.