Bank of mum and dad

[squidwid]

To think it's very hard to have it all, house, kids without the help of bank of mum and dad nowadays?

I don’t know that it’s ever been easy to be honest. Buying a home has always required struggle and sacrifice. I don’t know when the mythical golden age was when people seem to think things were easy, they must do it they say things are hard NOW.

my grandparents struggled starting out, my parents struggled and I struggled. We did it though.

@Inthesamesinkingboat well it was easier when you didn't need a large deposit. My parents bought a house with a 100% mortgage, no parental help and minimum wage jobs in the 80s, in the SE in their early 20s! Of course it's been easier.

@updin you mean when many people bought houses on 100% mortgages before fixed deals were commonplace and saw interest rates climb to almost 15%? Yeah they had a ball

It is a lot more difficult than it was 20 years ago. We live in a more affordable area in the NW even house prices here have more than doubled whereas salaries haven't. What one person on a low salary could have bought on their own 25 years ago now needs two salaries.

We used to live in the SE 20 years ago we bought with 4 x our joint salary plus 15% deposit would now cost 8 x the equivalent joint salary plus 15% deposit - DH has the same job!!

A lot will depend IMO on where you live, and local house prices. Anywhere around here I would guess that many people would need help - unless they are very high earners.

Yes it's hard. We have 4 dc and trying to support two of them through Uni. We are helping the others by letting DS1 and Ds2 and Ds's gf live with us virtually rent free so they can save as much as possible. have also helped them with driving lessons, first cars etc. It is all horrendously expensive. I feel for those parents that are struggling and can't do it, We literally have few treats and no foreign holidays etc ourselves to do this. Private rents around here are 1k for a 2 bedroomed place, they would never be able to save if they had to pay rent.

I don't think this is a new thing. When we got married back in the 70s (when if you believe the media houses were virtually being given away), we only managed to buy a 2-bed terraced in an unfashionable part of South London because of a generous cash gift from my DW's grandfather. And that was with a cheap "staff mortgage" from my employer.

It's just that the media makes an issue of it today.

I think a lot of people don’t recognise the whole help they have had from mum and dad.

Living “at home” after getting to 16/ 18 is an immense help. Always having the safety net of being able to “go back home” in an emergency or in any difficulty is an incredible safety net. Having a mum and dad who you can call for help at any time, who will have your kids for an hour, a day or a week, is an incredible amount of help. That frees you up to work and gives you so much more flexibility in jobs.

I had none of it, and actually know very few people in the same position. Those few I know have always found life a struggle and we all get sick to the back teeth of the entitled assumptions of life from the vapid rich who have it and forget.

Geography also matters, as living in isolated areas in the north is an entirely different proposition from living in London with its vastly greater opportunities, facilities and public spending.

Now, in current times, it has become almost impossible and I am sick of having the luck of the odd one or two who could rubbed in our faces on the news and social media. It does not change the cost and inaccesibility of help for us.

My husband and I have a combined income of £2M plus a year or thereabouts.

My parents have been very generous and have brought us a family home in Wimbledon and they also put the maximum amount into a junior ISA for my daughter each year so that she will have funds for uni and to get a good start at life.

This has allowed us to do things like save for retirement. Maintain a second residence in the City of London so that my husband's commute is reduced and he has more time with the kids.

We also have a cleaner and recently hired a nanny so we can concentrate on things that give us more joy in life.

Our parents also buy our little one lots of gifts so we hardly need to buy any clothes or toys.

Is it necessary to have help from mum and dad? No. Is it easier? Always.

There is no bank of mum and dad for me and OH , everything we have have been saved for. No loans, no finance, we live in a HA flat, so we have relatively cheap rent but we are looking to buy next year through one means or another.

People aren't stupid. They calculate things themselves with Rightmove, online affordability calculators. House price data is also available freely online.

Also the 'South' is a big place... I don't think those prices exist for anywhere commutable to London without a catch (auction, major structural issues) etc.

I didn't realise how low parenting bar is when being able to stay at home until 18 or finishing ft education is considered a help from parents 😳

I think it's very hard to 'have it all' full stop. For most people that's always been the way. It's continually about choices, the rule being you can't have both. In my experience it's time v money which is the main one.
Yes I could afford to attend the out of town wedding if I take cheese sandwiches and a yoghurt to work every day. Of course I could make a tasty and nutritious lunch instead....if I get up half an hour earlier. I could get out of my PJs and go and pick the kids up, or stay and watch the movie and transfer a tenner for a taxi.
When my children were young my mum would often buy practical treats for them. Now I'm a grandma l'm doing the same. I paid for a short mini break with my adult children (to accompany on something I wanted to do) but that's the biggest thing financially I've ever done for them. My dad gave me his old work car that he'd been offered £200 for and they took me on holiday one year with my then BF.
That's it. Is it normal in MN land to get regular income from parents. As far as lm aware, this hasn't happened to my friends and family (some inheritance from houses following death). What sort of things do grandparents pay for?

you mean when many people bought houses on 100% mortgages before fixed deals were commonplace and saw interest rates climb to almost 15%? Yeah they had a ball

Yes that's the time I mean, I'm not making this into the pathetic (and boring) intergenerational debate you are. My parents would be the first to admit, along with most people, that it was EASIER TO BUY A HOUSE then vs now, I'm not talking about maintaining it. My parents since divorced and my dad has never been able to buy again and my mum only could because of pension drawdown (unfortunately the house they bought wasn't the best investment and sold at the wrong time).

It was easier to buy previously, that is just a fact. Yes there is more nuanced stuff around that. But I think in terms of home ownership, bank of mum and dad has been more influential recently than in recent decades. (No, not saying necessary).

Do you have a link? I'd be interested how they have calculated this.

Well if that was true I’d be screwed. My mums dead and my dad hasn’t a bean to his name. I’ve looked after myself since the age of 17.

Some of course do have help I agree that. But it’s certainly not everyone that does and is not needed by everyone. Many of us come from working class/living day to day. No extra money for uni, housing deposits and so on.

My partners parents have some cash behind them but he has done everything himself too. They aren’t stingy at all but he prefers it that way.

Not impossible at all. No mum and dad bank (well just mum bank) for me. Just lots of hard work and saving hard before having a child later on in life meant I could have a mortgage. Mum gave me lots of love and sense, not financial help, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Yes, that’s what should be (is) standard, surely. I know it’s not always possible.

Absolutely, I don't know anyone including myself who got on the housing ladder (from my generation that is) without help. And the help was pretty significant for many eg 6 figs

Not everywhere needs to be commutable to London.

That idea feeds this stupid idea that people can't afford to buy/anywhere north of the M25 is a cesspit.

It's not about standard of parenting. It's about financial situation.

Rent is the biggest expense, so not having to pay it is the equivalent of your parents handing you cash. Doubly so if you're in a place like London, where even a room in a shared house is close to a grand!

Plus childcare help whether it was some free childcare/babysitting or helping paying for it or group family holidays.

Depends on your age? I'm 45 and was lucky enough to survive Uni on student loans and part time work and bought my first flat myself with a 100% mortgage and am now a reasonably high earner. No help from mum and dad at any point. Not sure how much help we'll be able to offer our 2 DC who are a different generation entirely.

I think in the long term it will have all sorts of impacts, people sticking to one child or not affording kids at all

This is the norm, look at birth rates.

I'm only 33 so not old. I, and DH, come from poverty - hiding from the provident man/not having 3 meals a day/shoes too small with holes in etc.and with that, the lower education chances, etc

Neither of us had or have any help from family, be that financial or meaningful childcare support.

But we've managed to buy a house, both of us worked full time whilst having young children and completed our degrees via open uni at the same time.

This is great but I think it's quite unusual particularly to be able to buy after having dc & having dc so young.