To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

I don’t see any issue. I hang around outside.

what do you do when you take your hypothetical son swimming? You can’t very well take him into the ladies!

I think by aged 9 both my DS would have wanted to go to the "gents" and, if I wasn't with DH, I probably lurked outside. Our local swimming pool had signs up advising that 9 year old boys shouldn't go into female areas but mine didn't go into the male showers until they were 10 due to my twitchiness and them never querying it. The showers were all communal so everyone washed in their swimming gear, the loos were cubicles as were the changing rooms. No-one was ever going to see something that they shouldn't.

I think age 8 is when you're no longer expected to take them into the ladies with you, barring disabilities.

According to my local swimming pool anyway and as a guide not absolute rule.

I understand the maturity level of 9 year old boys and, no, I don’t want them in Ladies toilets either! We regularly visit a sports club where some mothers persist in letting their 9+ year old sons into the ladies (I know their ages as I work at their school) and their behaviour in those toilets is awful. They throw around the period products the club has provided to combat period poverty, they block the sinks and run in and out of the cubicles. I’ve been in a cubicle when this is happening on more than one occasion. Their parents response, while sitting with a whole crowd of similar families, was ‘you just don’t know who is in the mens’ so it seems it’s ok to trash the ladies rather than risk encountering one of their parents friends in the men’s! I have sons, I know the agony of waiting outside the men’s wondering if they are ok, but it’s not as uncomfortable for them as it is for us mums - they see it as being more grown up and trusted.

My grandchildren aged 7 and 9 have been using men's toilets for over a year at least. In part that was their decision and we support that choice. I tend to be hyper vigilant about how long they are in the loos though.

I was surprised to come across much older boys in the ladies on occasion. Always with their mums and without any visible reasons as to why. Maybe they are being unreasonable or maybe I don't have all the facts. My immediate reaction is mild annoyance, but it doesn't really effect me in any way.

At 9? I'd not expect to see a 9 year old boy in ladies toilets. I work in a school and some of the 9 year old boys are nearly as tall as some of the staff

If we allow grown men into women's toilets, I don't see why little boys with their mothers is an issue.

There are baby change facilities crammed into the accessible for disability toilets because unfortunately, when disabled people campaigned to get these spaces provided, no one realised stores and businesses would do that - short sighted I know.

So there was no requirement that the spaces be protected just for the disabled people who campaigned to have them, stores found parents would use them and so put the baby change facilities in there too, nothing to stop them doing that.

Since parents are a much bigger spending market than disabled people, and parents aren't complaining about it, the disabled people just have to put up with it and be grateful we have what we have, one toilet, for a huge building, even store like Ikea or a huge 24 hour tesco mega store will still only have one, MAYBE two accessible toilets.

The Equality Act when it comes to accessible toilet provision is laughably weak - so many accessible toilets are in fact NOT very accessible at all, the addition of baby change units has meant I can't get my wheelchair AND myself in some of them. Attempts to meet the criteria for accessibility are piss poor and there is next to fuck all anyone of us can do about it when we come across it.

Imagine having to go to the loo with the door open and your chair wedged in it, and outside that door theres a whole supermarket full of people?

Then of course there is the key issue because chances are, its locked with the stores own RADAR key, you can carry your own (I do) but that means if you're in there and someone has the key from the desk, they will assume they can come in. Most stores fit the RADAR locks incorrectly, on purpose. fitting a left hand lock to a right hand door (or vice versa) will allow the locking mechanism to be over-ridden with another key. This easier for stores to maintain rather than fiddling with a coin to emergency access the toilet.

So you have to go ask for the key - like a child asking permission to use the loo, demeaning no? But whether you ask for the key or use your own, you know someone else can just waltz right in.

Know what its like to be bent over the loo having your arse wiped by a carer, or in there by yourself trying to clean up a poo-splosion and some bloke walks in, or some Mum with three toddlers... beyond demeaning. Fucking horrifying. Not just a momentary embarrassment but a 'makes you seriously reconsider ever going out again' type experience.

I am sure that going to the loo when you have a pram and some kids is awkward - but you can plan ahead, you can make adjustments for yourself for a few years - buy a smaller pram, ensure you can shift the valuable items from your pram and leave it outside the cubicle, go shopping with a friend, order online and stay home until you can go out by yourself, go to stores that do have toilets big enough for your pram. Take your kid back to the car, or home, to change them (after all, that is what most disabled people who need to change have to do, as VERY few places provide a Changing Places facility!)

You can tell stores you DON'T like being forced to use facilities provided for disabled people (but I bet you won't bother).

Sadly you won’t get a sensible answer here. Lots of disabled toilets are for baby changing too. Don’t worry about it and carry on.

I agree 8 is too old for a male child to be in female toilets. I've waited outside male toilets. If more than a few minutes I've asked a man with a son to ask if he's ok before.

At 4 a female child can go into ladies toilets on their own. Dad can wait outside. I'm sure at 4 children go to the toilet on their own at home.

@Satsumastocking

those weirdos are someone’s son!

The male that was banned from my local swimming pool for lying on the floor and staring up at the girls under the stupid three quarter door things when they were changing and then following them around shoving his dick at them was 10. My daughter is at university now and still remembers and it rather cemented her view of where penises should and shouldn't go.
And my threat of the police was one of many.
So my view is pretty simple.

By the time that their freedom to use whatever facility they want encroaches upon my freedom to not have one shoved in my face, they're old enough to use the men's.

This is a well recognised and clear cut safeguarding issue. You cannot send young buys into a public toilet (especially where there are urinals, and therefore exposed penises) by themselves! Primary aged children shouldn't be out of your sight ever on a trip anyway. There's also the risk of both boys and girls being exposed to drugs in public toilets.

I get a male member of staff to check the coast is clear, then I chaperone the boys into the toilets, and get the member of staff to stand outside the door and ask the public to wait until we're done.

@caringcarer My dd can't go to the toilet on her own yet at just turned 5. She's too short and needs a step, she is also too small for the seat so is scared to fall down. She can't reach the taps. Depending on the place she also wouldn't be able to reliably lock/unlock the door. There is no way she could use a public toilet without assistance. She'd also probably be too scared to go alone.

Literally in there with their mum

All can agree to differ really. My son is 8, he's very shy but polite ane quite small. He will be in the ladies until that changes

Sent DS to mens loos from 8. I think that’s pretty standard. I just waited outside. He was adamant by then he didn’t want to be in with the girls.

Also to the standing topless lady, I think I can say for all of us; none of us want to see your bangers out in the loos any more than we want to see a penis

Why would you be standing topless in a public toilet?

Based on reading the majority of comments, there’s only one answer. Don’t allow men in public toilets at all. So ladies make sure the men in your life have been to the loo before you go out because none of them can be trusted.

DS1 is 7, I've started letting him go into the men's in some places (eg, the playground, cafes with only a few cubicles). In unfamiliar places with lots of toilets he still has to come in with me for now - e.g. the airport, a museum etc.

I am disabled. I use the accessible toilets when I need to and the ladies when I don’t. It’s common courtesy not to block the accessible toilets and to leave them free for people, who do. Disabled people campaigned for disabled toilets for their needs to use. Able bodied parents of able bodied 8 year olds do not need them. They have choices. Just because it isn’t illegal to use them, it doesn’t mean able bodied people should. They’ve already been co-opted as all gender in many places.

@Danskekat no you shouldn’t be using it. It’s for the disabled person! What if they needed while you were in there . Especially if disability involved a bladder problem.

Get your son's father, or another trusted male, to take him in the gents a few times so he gets the layout and what 's expected. I think 9 is too old for him to be in with little girls and women. Or take him in the gents yourself and tell any discombobulated men that you identify as a bloke.

Women's toilets are supposed to be safe for little girls too. Why is it fine for 9 or 10 year old boys to be in there with girls of 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10? Fathers can't send in 8 year old girls if women take in their older boys.