AIBU for not wanting more plastic tat

amispeakingintongues · 2023-04-27T10:32:25+00:00

At the risk of sounding like a snob, my SIL has this irritating habit of buying my son absolutely huge presents every Christmas/ birthday he's had so far. Examples: ball pit he rarely used (we lived in a studio flat at the time and he was only 6m old) big plastic Wendy house (i hate this the most), then last Christmas an electric powered car (he was only 1 and a half at the time, sure you have to be 3yrs at least) he's never liked it because it goes too fast. So now his 2nd bday is coming up and I don't want any more huge plastic toys, so asked my partner to suggest they buy him things he needs - e.g books, games, puzzles, colouring stuff etc. He refuses to say suggest anything to them because he thinks it's rude. AIBU?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/04/2023 11:34

It IS rude, you can't dictate what people give you, just donate it if it's not what you like.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 27/04/2023 11:35

Can u leave it at your mils?

HalloweenGhost · 27/04/2023 11:36

Hi SIL

Thank you again for the lovely gifts for baby nephew last year. I'm not sure if you were planning on getting him a gift this year, but if so, do you need any suggestions? I have bit of a wishlist for him in case you need some inspiration :-)

Love from your SIL.

sunnydayhereandnow · 27/04/2023 11:36

Totally understand where you’re coming from, but when he’s 3 he will love some of those things. Can you store them and rotate which is out? I also would prefer people not to buy this kind of stuff but it might be awkward to comment if that’s not done in your family.

GeraltsBathtub · 27/04/2023 11:37

I don’t think it’s rude to give suggestions - isn’t that the same principle as a Christmas list? Most people want to buy presents that are going to be valued! I’d much prefer to be given guidance if I were MIL.

GeraltsBathtub · 27/04/2023 11:38

GeraltsBathtub · 27/04/2023 11:37

I don’t think it’s rude to give suggestions - isn’t that the same principle as a Christmas list? Most people want to buy presents that are going to be valued! I’d much prefer to be given guidance if I were MIL.

Sorry, SIL not MIL.

readbooksdrinktea · 27/04/2023 11:39

He's right. Store for later or donate. You can't tell people what to buy.

wrinkleintime · 27/04/2023 11:39

I'd feel very uncomfortable sending out a message like @HalloweenGhost suggested. I think it could come across as quite rude and grabby.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/04/2023 11:41

wrinkleintime · 27/04/2023 11:39

I'd feel very uncomfortable sending out a message like @HalloweenGhost suggested. I think it could come across as quite rude and grabby.

Yes it is!

The only polite way is to accept and then pass on if it doesn't suit.

drpet49 · 27/04/2023 11:46

Store the ones you like for use later then sell the rest.

drpet49 · 27/04/2023 11:55

GeraltsBathtub · 27/04/2023 11:37

I don’t think it’s rude to give suggestions - isn’t that the same principle as a Christmas list? Most people want to buy presents that are going to be valued! I’d much prefer to be given guidance if I were MIL.

Me too, I’d much rather be told what presents to get.

Lcb123 · 27/04/2023 11:57

I don’t think it’s rude to give suggestions - she can chose to ignore. Our family pretty
much always do suggestions for gifts, or just ask for specific things. I much prefer it! I always ask my SIL what to buy for their kids, there’s so much waste on the planet I don’t want to buy something that will just be passed on

Original poster

amispeakingintongues · 27/04/2023 12:45

Thanks everyone, some divided opinions here. I would do as @HalloweenGhost suggested but surprised some see that as rude

I much prefer to receive guidance on gift buying at Christmas/ bdays so I know i'm buying stuff they need and want.

Also, I'm VERY prepared to donate some of the gifts but DP thinks that's rude too. I have visions of living in mountains of plastic for the next 12 years

OP posts:

SeaToSki · 27/04/2023 12:50

I would send round a suggestions list to all of the relatives on both sides (so no one is singled out) and put some memberships on it for local soft play zoos or museums etc. You could also ask for swimming lessons or a day out with the relative etc

you can say that you were asked for a suggestions list by someone (maybe your Mum would be happy to be in on the ploy and be happy to be named) and thought you might as well send it to everyone as it might be helpful!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/04/2023 12:52

You can say, in case you want to get anything he’s really into books at the moment.

seratoninmoonbeams · 27/04/2023 12:56

@drpet49 @GeraltsBathtub I agree too. Myself and my sisters, brother, mum, close friends have always made suggestions- and said things we definitely do not want such as enormous plastic things as we don't have space.....Or even do have space but just don't want them taking up room. Better than wasting money and being bad for the environment.

yoohoo0 · 27/04/2023 13:15

Let DP deal with all the tidying and organising of the plastic tat and then he may change his mind

ScottBakula · 27/04/2023 13:29

Could you say that your dc has really take a shine to a friends toy / something he saw in a shop and hope she takes the hint

ExpatInSlavikLand · 27/04/2023 13:55

I don't think it'd at all be rude at all to ask her to stick to your list of what presents to buy. After all, you know what your very young child needs - perhaps frame it that way?

Another point to put to her: what if she buys something you already have or another relative or friend has given your child?

Also, point out to your SIL, repeatedly if necessary, that you don't have much room for big toys in your flat. Bemoan how you already have "so little space because of this thing that thing etc..."

Original poster

amispeakingintongues · 27/04/2023 16:24

SeaToSki · 27/04/2023 12:50

I would send round a suggestions list to all of the relatives on both sides (so no one is singled out) and put some memberships on it for local soft play zoos or museums etc. You could also ask for swimming lessons or a day out with the relative etc

you can say that you were asked for a suggestions list by someone (maybe your Mum would be happy to be in on the ploy and be happy to be named) and thought you might as well send it to everyone as it might be helpful!

Great idea!

OP posts:

Original poster

amispeakingintongues · 27/04/2023 16:27

yoohoo0 · 27/04/2023 13:15

Let DP deal with all the tidying and organising of the plastic tat and then he may change his mind

I will be. He reckons a new shed will solve the issue but he's not thought it through as we have plenty of other useful items to store and i just think he hates potentially offending his mum or sister. Fine to piss me off though.

OP posts:

Inthesamesinkingboat · 27/04/2023 16:31

she sounds very generous, keen and sweet if a little misguided! I’m sure she is the type who would be delighted if a list was doing the rounds so she can buy everything on it- you just have to land it in the right way. I think roping in your mum is a great idea.

updin · 27/04/2023 16:44

I get the frustration, but it's not a battle I've ever wanted to pick. It's coming from a place of love.

amyds2104 · 28/04/2023 08:15

amispeakingintongues · 27/04/2023 16:27

I will be. He reckons a new shed will solve the issue but he's not thought it through as we have plenty of other useful items to store and i just think he hates potentially offending his mum or sister. Fine to piss me off though.

Show quote history

I don’t think he is trying to piss you off. He just doesn’t want to upset his mum and sister. That’s sweet and shows he is a nice human.

FairAcre · 28/04/2023 08:18

So many people taking offence at straight talking these days. You feel you are walking on egg shells. My daughter said ‘Mum, I don’t want anymore plastic toys. It’s bad for the environment and to be honest not what we like. Here’s a list of other ideas.’ I was not the in the least offended. I’d rather know and not waste money.