AIBU for not wanting more plastic tat

[amispeakingintongues]

At the risk of sounding like a snob, my SIL has this irritating habit of buying my son absolutely huge presents every Christmas/ birthday he's had so far. Examples: ball pit he rarely used (we lived in a studio flat at the time and he was only 6m old) big plastic Wendy house (i hate this the most), then last Christmas an electric powered car (he was only 1 and a half at the time, sure you have to be 3yrs at least) he's never liked it because it goes too fast.

So now his 2nd bday is coming up and I don't want any more huge plastic toys, so asked my partner to suggest they buy him things he needs - e.g books, games, puzzles, colouring stuff etc.

He refuses to say suggest anything to them because he thinks it's rude.

AIBU?

It's rude. If she wants inspiration she'll ask. Be glad you have a SIL that cares

@Julietand I agree 💯 with this, plastic is actually great for kids toys as it cleans easy, is brightly colored and usually won't cause as much damage as the oh so beautiful wooden toys when a 2 year old lobs them across the room 🤣

Op I do feel for you on the space issue though. Maybe as a middle ground talk to your sil, say you love that she loves to get your little one really fun gifts but you're struggling for space... Oh but they're really into xyz at the moment so would love anything related to this for their birthday?

Yanbu.
My ex thought it was rude to give present ideas. Then he panicked when we were flooded with plastic tat.

I agree with you that a lot of this is about aesthetics, but there's nowt wrong with taking pride in the appearance of one's home and not wanting large/garish/unsightly toys on display for that reason. If I based my decorating decisions on what my children enjoy, we'd be living in something resembling a yayoi kusama installation. Which, admittedly, would be quite cool. Anyway, I say let them get their multi-coloured plastic hit at nursery. Or at their aunties.

I’m a huge fan of plastic tat and probably an annoying auntie but I don’t think someone who is buying your kid a plastic playhouse for example is going to take your suggestion of a book terribly well.

Better to choose fun large presents you might actually want, eg pickler triangle, mud kitchen, water tray, flisat table? and suggest them. More likely to be successful.

But she doesn’t care! That’s the point! She just buys and sends a giant item without any care that it’s too big for the OP’s home, takes up all the kid’s playing space, and isn’t suitable for the age the child is. It’s the definition of not caring! It’s box-ticked present buying: reminder pops up on your phone, need a gift for nephew’s birthday, buy the first thing on Amazon/Google/the first aisle of Toys R Us and think no more about it.

@sandberry the OP said they were originally in a studio flat. She hasn't said what type of property is it now but it could easily be a flat.
I would love to see where you would put a mud kitchen in a flat with no outdoor space.
The OP's title was unfortunately the wrong choice. It's not really "plastic tat" she doesn't want- it seems to toys that are fricking enormous.
Please don't buy large if the person you are buying for lives in a small home.

It’s not rude. I had to tell
my in-laws to stop buying clothes as I was snowed under with them and couldn’t possibly get round to wearing them all. They did not take office when I said crayons, books, bath bubbles or other consumables would be much appreciated instead

Bloody hell is that you, SIL?

The family I grew up in would think it incredibly rude to ask for specific presents. Be grateful for what you get, it’s good manners etc.

The family I married in to is much more direct. I used to cringe inside but now I find it so much more practical to ask people for specific things. Yes it takes the surprise out of it but at ages 1&2 it means we know there will be no duplicates and they will both get things we know they need and will enjoy playing with whilst they are too young to understand the excitement of asking for their own specific wish list. This comes after DC1 first Christmas ending up with 4x the same plastic walker. Works much better this way and everyone is happy!

Yeah. I think i'll do as you and many others suggest and just send a blanket polite txt to them suggesting a few useful bits if they do choose to buy a gift. DP might not agree but he's often defensive over their behaviour without considering any other factors like how much space we don't have for instance. So i'll take the matter into my own hands then if they think i'm being rude it wouldn't be the first time so I don't have much to lose. I just wanted my DP to back me for once.

Yes this is a good idea too. Some days out can be extremely expensive!!

Why are assuming I'm miserable and stressed? Odd.

For the record, I encouraged my child with each of these presents. And he enjoys 2/3 of them. The electric car was not and is not age appropriate so unsurprisingly he's scared of it because it goes fast. He was 18 months old when he was gifted it!

That stuff isn't what I'd call "tat", she sounds generous. I would gratefully accept in the spirit it is given, and rehome it elsewhere if it's not what you want.

The alternative is to do a "bday ideas" list for everyone, and addressing the message as "hi all". Then she's had the suggestions but in a generalized way, and it's up to her what she does with it.

Yeah the title was misleading. I have plenty of plastic tat, I don't care about having all wooden toys, I just don't want any more HUGE plastic toys.

Believe me I would have rehomed some of it ages ago but DP would throw a fit

I think it should be addressed square on, but as PP's have said - tell everyone - not just the SIL.

Tell everyone you are going plastic free and you won't be wanting any more plastic things bought for you or your child.

I think more people need to be brave about this. Plastic tat is the scourge of the modern word and is the sum product of everything that going wrong with this planet. It's toxic to produce, produced from fossil fuel derivatives and has a massive carbon footprint. It's needs to stop. Don't be shamed into going along with the buying of it.

Some people do unfortunately think bigger is better.
Recently the actor Bill Nighy was pictured taking his granddaughter's Sylvanian Families Bunny to the Oscars (he had apparently been instructed to look after the bunny). Now he is a pretty famous guy - he probably has the money to buy his granddaughter lots lots of big toys. He might even do that. But sometimes all a kid wants is a little tiny Bunny they can put in their pocket or bag and take with them everywhere they go.
Good luck @amispeakingintongues .
If Sister in law doesn't get the message at her next birthday buy her the biggest house plant you can find. One of those rubber plant things usually take up half the living room.

had a similar issue with in laws at Xmas. Asked them v politely (because the asked for suggestions!!) not to get toys as we don’t have the space. I suggested books of clothes. I’ve 3 kids. And with Santa coming they were getting plenty! BIL bought books and clothes like I suggested. MIL ignored my requests. I was raging. Totally understand why you’re annoyed, maybe find a gentle way to mention it or it’ll annoy you every Xmas and birthday going forward.

@FairAcre Absolutely agreed, what's wrong with politely telling someone "no thank you" these days?

Even before I had my daughter, I've always asked the mum of my pretend nieces exactly what to buy them (or checked with her before making an actual purchase if I randomly spot something). Same with other friends' kids. On the few occasions I've not checked with parents beforehand it's been sweets and things like that. Nobody has endless space for endless stuff!

My friends all do the same with me, but my own SIL doesn't think to ask and buys whatever she likes for my daughter and never keeps the receipt. Half her Christmas presents from her were duplicates of what mydaughter already had.

SIL also buys my girl clothes on a whim, which means she has a bunch of clothes (none in nice colours that actually suit her, and some of which were already too small) with cats (not a fan), mushrooms (why??) and Minnie or Mickey Mouse (husband hates the Mouses) that she has worn once for the photos and are now taking space in her cupboard (charity shops aren't a thing here).

I've tried to get my husband to politely ask her to check with us, to keep the receipts etc (her English isn't great), but it falls on deaf ears. At least MIL eventually took the hint (albeit at huge cost and much offence and resentment).

Jeez, sorry for the somewhat poorly-written response, it's too early...