AIBU for not wanting more plastic tat

[amispeakingintongues]

At the risk of sounding like a snob, my SIL has this irritating habit of buying my son absolutely huge presents every Christmas/ birthday he's had so far. Examples: ball pit he rarely used (we lived in a studio flat at the time and he was only 6m old) big plastic Wendy house (i hate this the most), then last Christmas an electric powered car (he was only 1 and a half at the time, sure you have to be 3yrs at least) he's never liked it because it goes too fast.

So now his 2nd bday is coming up and I don't want any more huge plastic toys, so asked my partner to suggest they buy him things he needs - e.g books, games, puzzles, colouring stuff etc.

He refuses to say suggest anything to them because he thinks it's rude.

AIBU?

it sounds like the OP has a space issue… my friend is the same, small flat and parents keep sending over boxes of presents , it’s lovely and sweet but they have nowhere to put the stuff their child is receiving!!

I sympathise as my MIL bought toys for Christmas that my now 6 month old won't be able to play with until he's 5 or 6 years old. In the meantime I've had to find somewhere to put them.

I can't imagine buying massive ostentatious toys for other people, especially when it's very obvious that they're limited on space and storage.

If your DH is not willing to say anything (ie "Hi sister, if you needed any ideas for upcoming birthday Junior really loves books about animals if you see any nice ones") then he must be responsible for finding sensible storage for toys too big for the toy box / shelves.

No it's not rude. My family quite often would ask as they want to give them something that they wanted needed or would like. And they would prefer that than, as then they are not wasting money. If your child does not like or will not use the gifts sell them and buy something he would like with the money.

Honestly ignore people telling you it's rude. It isn't as long as you word it politely. Frankly we have a planet on the verge of ecological disaster. It's absolutely right to not encourage people buying crap that isn't going to be used to just avoid being "rude". Think of the planet your DC will be left with when they grow up!

Those electric vehicles are awful and so unsafe. Is it really surprising that an 18 month old baby was afraid of it? Pretty unpleasant to sneer at the OP’s child for being fearful of a ride along vehicle at 18 months whether you agree with her stance on large gifts or not.

Sorry, but it's a dick move to buy huge plastic/motorised, age-inappropriate toys like that for a baby, especially one that lives in a small flat or house. I'm sure she thinks she being very generous but in your shoes I'd have to say something. Do you really want to be responsible for storing/re-gifting/donating - or worse, disposing - of all that plastic just for the sake of not appearing impolite? Why not just explain to her kindly that your family has made a commitment to reduce your consumption this year but would welcome a book or other recyclable gift..??

I like this idea as it would make you sound considerate. The presents chosen by your SIL are ones a lot of young children enjoy but I also dislike mountains of plastic. We have a similar situation in our house where I refuse to buy plastic items so my DH does instead!

I don't think it's rude to ask her not to buy any more large toys because you don't have the space for it.
I don't think a large plastic ball pit for a family living in a studio flat is a thoughtful present at all. The tiniest bit of thought would have made SIL choose something else. And I don't buy the "maybe she doesn't have kids so doesn't understand" argument - anyone with a bit of sense knows a studio flat is small! Then there was a big wendy house and a large car. I don't know at what point you moved into a larger place but it still sounds like you don't have enough space for stuff like that.
I wish people would consider the environment more before buying stuff like this and also ask people for a few suggestions for the child therefore avoiding duplicates of things they already have or buying things that the child isn't interested in or choosing things which are impractical. It's never spoiled gift giving for me when I've asked what relatives' children would like because they've always come up with a few ideas.
I had a Brio trainset as a kid and that was great for a few birthdays as people kept adding bits to it. It was then passed on to the next child in the family and so on and so forth. It's still going strong years later (I'm ancient) - no idea how many kids have had it by now - at least 10 - and people still keep adding to it.

@chocolatehoovering I think my husband and I are more obsessed with our son's Brio train set than he is, and he loves that thing! 😂

@ReadersD1gest wish list for birthday (and Christmas) are completely normal in my world.
Everyone does it. Not always necessary getting a child to write a wish list - but at least saying "Child is really into dinosaurs at the moment - something dinosaury would be a brilliant gift" or "We are getting a wooden railway for his birthday - extra trains would be fantastic".

aww, that’s a bit harsh, we bought an electric car for our 2 year old, but because it’s the first thing she’s had that doesn’t run under her own power she found it quite frightening, I think within the year she’ll love it but for now it’s in the spare bedroom, I’d say it’s not a problem with the toy itself, or our DD, but it’s definitely an age/development appropriate issue.

I think it's rude and inconsiderate to give large plastic toys that can't be put away. Even if you lived in a house, you don't necessarily want a ball pit or a big plastic play house in the middle of your living room. Giving such things to a family living in a studio flat shows no awareness of their needs at all. It's really inappropriate, and puts the parent in the difficult position of having to either tolerate a massive impractical obstruction in their living space or tell the child that they can't play with their exciting new gift.

I might be poor manners to dictate what gifts your child receives, but I think it is entirely reasonable to request that family members consult with you about practicalities before giving anything that can't be stored practically in your home.

I would quite understand if someone said to me "You have been so kind to give larger toys over the years, and [child's name] is really starting to enjoy the play house now. We wouldn't want to have to take it down to make room for something else, so we would really appreciate if any gifts this year could be things he can put away in the toy box".

I think it's rude and inconsiderate to give large plastic toys that can't be put away.

I should have qualified that with "...without asking first."

I'm really surprised at people saying that guiding people as to appropriate gifts is rude but suggesting take the unwanted present and then donate?!? As the gift giver I'd find it more bloody rude that my gift had been essentially chucked out!

OP, don't do the Comms through your DH - as suggested above send round a suggestion list to everyone and absolutely agree with experience presents that multiple people can contribute LITTLE amounts to. This then doesn't come across as grabby.

If people ask me, I’ll give very loose gift ideas, because to me, part of the joy in gift giving is choosing something that you think the child would like and enjoy playing with, not turning up with something the parent has told you to buy and the child doesn’t even want, when the parents have gone all out with the very things they’ve told you not to buy!

We didn’t have much growing up, so it was only at birthdays/Christmas we’d ever receive toys and things to play with, so it was a hugely exciting special time for us, if were to get clothes and books we’d appreciate it but good god, it’s not what you waited all year for! 😂

I’d say there’s a midddle ground there somewhere, but I would NEVER send an unsolicited wish list of items, or suggest that someone may need one, before I’ve even been asked! Gah!

This!

When not in use, why not store these toys in your OH's space on the sofa, special chair or side of the bed? I'm sure he won't mind sitting or sleeping on the floor when the toys overrun your house.

@TheChoiceIsYours @sandyhappypeople Sorry, I don’t think my point came across.

I wasn’t mocking the child, I was trying to say I think OP’s misery and stress will be rubbing off on him and she’ll be placing emotions on him that aren’t there because she doesn’t like who gave the gift.

That's fine if you're asked for suggestions, but distributing an unsolicited list of requirements to all and sundry is presumptuous and rude.

I agree they’re totally unsuitable gifts if you live in a flat.

I hate it when people slag off ‘plastic tat’ because they are almost always mums thinking about what toys LOOK better in their homes/on their Instagram page or make them feel like better mums … and thinking less about what the kids actually like. Let’s face it, kids love ‘plastic tar’ and your child is incredibly lucky to have an auntie who treats him so much! Don’t be so rude!

@ReadersD1gest It's not rude, it's practical. The type of list we're all talking about isn't one that says 'Buy Sonny this specific bike that costs £200'. It's 'If you were planning on buying something for Sonny he likes reading so a book would be perfect or maybe something train related as he loves trains.' They're suggestions to guide the gift giver towards choices that the recipient is going to value and enjoy. Lists like that help everyone out. They save time and money. Plus, surely they're only being sent to people who like to and want to buy gifts for the child, like grandparents or aunts and uncles. No one here is demanding gifts from their mum's neighbour's best friend who the child has only met once.

@ReadersD1gest in my family just talking about upcoming birthdays (plans, gifts, would you like a cake etc) is just general conversation though.
I find it utterly bizarre that people would spend large amounts of money on a "I hope they like this present".
It's different if it's small things - like books. I have bought my niece's/nephews books as gifts in the past. Ones that I especially liked at the age they were. The thing with books if you don't know if you are going to like it until you've read it. So there is always the possibility that a book as a gift isn't going to be enjoyed very much.
A phrase I see a lot on Mumsnet about gift buying is "thoughtful gifts I know they'll love" - yet read the post-christmas threads. Those "thoughtful gifts" are frequently not as amazing as people think.
People need to stop buying so much random and expensive gifts for children who aren't their own. It's often such a waste.

Sending an unsolicited list is rude and embarrassing. Don’t do it unless that is the usual way of doing things in the family.

I suspect most of the time the objection to "plastic tat" is for environmental reasons.
Instagrammers could shove the plastic tat in a cupboard and just display their toys of choice couldn't they.
We should all stop buying plastic tat and to reduce wastage and avoid buying things that are impractical for the recipient's families, people should ask for suggestions for Christmas and birthdays.