Mrs, Ms or Miss: why do forms require women reveal their marital status and not men?

[Ludlow2]

That's it really.

Why do women have to reveal this and not men?
Isn't it time we changed this.

I know, I agree. My post was just in response to those saying "that's what Ms is for" but really the ideal is that we don't have three different options, but just one. I hope we move closer and closer to that as Ms becomes more widely adopted by the younger generation.

I've always been Miss and have been married for most of my life. I've never seen the point of changing to Ms or Mrs as there's never been anything to prove or gain. It's probably different for those who decide to change and I really haven't been told of any "gain" that is of any value to me as to why I would change fro Miss. Likewise all my daughters.

why do you think there needs to be a choice,

@Annasgirl I expect it's because people want one. Other people are always doing things I disagree with. What makes it worse is when they point out it is their choice and I am forced to agree and shuffle off muttering: "Damn you bastards and your choices."

I think the benefit of changing to 'Ms' - if you have any kind of feminist values - is being part of an overall movement towards 'Ms' that represents equality of men and women.

If you use 'Miss' then the fact is people will make an assumption that you are not married. I know that you probably don't care what people think, and good for you - but I still find it annoying that people should make an assumption about marital status based on title for women, but not for men. It's the principle of it and what it says about our society.

It's up to you of course and it depends how much you care/ think about these things really.

I would never be anything but 'Ms' because I think that is the option that most represents equality.

Agreed

Or...it's because it's a choice they already have, and the alternative is taking it away from them.

And, of course, because the fact that the choice exists means that the title itself is a signifier of nothing.

I think they are too. It's a good thing.

My post above made zero sense without the post I tried and failed to quote! Was about how we're moving more towards Dear Mandy Smith.

I've used Ms since I was 17 and I'm in my 50's now.

I agree, I think the only "title" with any value is "Dr" and even that is ambiguous as you don't know if you're dealing with a medical doctor or an academic. And even then, medical consultants lose their "Dr" title and become plain Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms when they reach consultant status!

I often get letters addressed "Mrs Husband's Name" when actually I am "Ms My Maiden Name".

We need to get rid of the term "Maiden name" too. "Birth name", "Birth surname" or even just "Name" are better.

Better still would be for the custom of women taking their husband's birth surname upon marriage to end. Obviously some women don't but many still do. Why?!! No reason for it whatsoever.

I choose to be a Mrs even though I haven't been married for 18 years, so it doesn't show my marital status

Because some women get v upset if you don't use their correct title. I've had experience of this at work.

I did a blood test form with a private provider and he said he couldn’t process my request unless I told him if I was a miss or mrs as the form required it, so I told him neither!

I think we get to a really difficult path when we try to argue there is no need for a " choice" then it is actually authoritarian aka telling people what to do.

we used to use " Master" for young boys to show they were younger this has phased out and we now just use Mr. If Miss and Mrs is to go that direction it will happen naturally and in say 50 years time it will be seen as outdated as Master for a young boy is now.

However, simply because it is not what you like is not an argument to say it should not happen

Only surgeon consultants. All other specialties keep the Dr or Prof. Surgeons become Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms as it’s historical that the surgeons in the olden days were actually butchers so not doctors at all.

Trying to prevent people from exercising a choice is futile as well as dangerous. The better option is to simply minimise the use of titles instead.

That said, it would be good if more people were aware that the way in which titles work means their choice does have an impact on others. There are invariably posters in these discussions very keen to tell us all that their decision doesn't affect anyone else. Which is incorrect.

Because society is sexist and women are still defined by their relationship to men.

I think the taking hubbies name is a cultural/societal norm really. It's just "expected" that a wife changes her name to that of her husband, maybe there's still peer pressure from family or hubby to do it and the wife simply doesn't want to say no and doesn't want to cause a rift with the in-laws!

Funny that same sex marriages don't seem to have the same "expectation" of one partner taking the others' name.

I didn't take hubbie's name when we married nearly 30 years and continued using my own. There were a few raised eye brows from both sets of parents, but they all knew me well enough by then that I make my own decisions, so it was probably half expected that I'd keep my own. Hubbie didn't mind at all, in fact he prefers my surname to his own and would probably have taken mine if it was a "thing" in those days!

We had a lot of discussion about what name our son should have and in the end we chose based on the surname which sounded better after the first name we chose!

I think the taking hubbies name is a cultural/societal norm really

Yes, a sexist one. That a woman is defined by being married. Or not.

This is 100% my pet hate. I took my husband's name (although I use my name professionally still) but I will absolutely not respond to be being Mrs UK Rain. Because that is not my name - my name is what it is legally.

40 years. Never changed my name. Never used Mrs. Reluctantly use Ms. Would prefer it if no one used a title. Why are they even necessary when I have a perfectly valid name?

There is that. I am uneasy with taking things away from people even if you think it's for their own good.

Why even have titles? Why can't we be known as Firstname, Lastname?

No no no, you're doing the MN argument thing wrong! You're not allowed to agree with anything! :D

But yeah, that basically sums it up for me. I'm fine with it when something is demonstrably, categorically dangerous - like introducing the law on seatbelts, which took away the right to drive without wearing one - but this isn't that (and any argument to the contrary is on ideological grounds, not safety).

I am nearly 60, and grew up with Mrs/Miss, and to be honest, it doesn’t bother me. I was actually glad to become MrsDHname, because my surname had been used to bully me throughout secondary school, and I was more than happy to leave all those painful associations behind. And I like that we share a surname - it makes me feel we are a unit.

I also passionately believe in the rights of women to choose what they want to be called, but at the same time I can completely understand your beliefs, @Ludlow2 - what you say is very logical and forward thinking.

I would not be happy if I was told I had to change my title - I have been Mrs DHname for over 30 years now, so it is a bedded-in part of who I am - but I do think that change is happening - I think we are moving towards a society where a woman who chooses to be Ms and doesn’t change her name on marriage is considered perfectly normal - and I also think that, while that change seems slow now, there will come a tipping point where it will speed up dramatically, and Ms will become the norm, with Miss/Mrs becoming a rarity, mainly amongst old fogeys like me.