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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at Doctors Receptionist?

106 replies

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 18:53

DD18 has anxiety and struggles in a lot of situations, her main trigger is being embarrassed in public. She is on The Pill for very painful periods, she may also be sexual active, none of my business.
She had a nurse appointment today for a repeat prescription and I don’t in go with her but she did ask me to take her and stay in the waiting room.
She came out of her appointment with the nurse and went to Reception to ask about getting her Flu jab (she has asthma). I am encouraging her to do more things like this on her own so I stayed seated across the other side of the room.
I then heard “why, are you pregnant?” From The Receptionist, as did everyone else in the room. DD went very red and said “no, I have asthma”. (She told me this I didn’t hear her reply)
Afterwards as we left she said did I think it was ok for her to be asked that so loudly in a crowded room? I said not but I ask you MNetters- should I/she be annoyed or upset?
I won’t make a complaint unless DD wants to, in which case I will advise her on what to do but I do think it’s not on to ask a young woman if she is pregnant in a loud voice in a crowded waiting room, Aibu?

OP posts:
SunshineGeorgie · 26/04/2023 19:12

Yabu

It was a valid question said in a normal voice I'm sure

clpsmum · 26/04/2023 19:15

I think that is rude none of her business and she had no place asking your dad imo

clpsmum · 26/04/2023 19:15

Your dd not dad lol

ladydimitrescu · 26/04/2023 19:15

YABU - they need to ask when booking in, and I doubt she sounded like a foghorn asking. The best thing you can do is support your DD in managing her anxiety, and combatting being able to cope with these situations.

Jenn3112 · 26/04/2023 19:17

I think there is a better way to ask if she meets the criteria for a flu jab, but I wouldn't make a complaint, no. There is a lesson here that if she doesn't want to answer personal questions in the waiting room, ring or book online.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:19

ladydimitrescu · 26/04/2023 19:15

YABU - they need to ask when booking in, and I doubt she sounded like a foghorn asking. The best thing you can do is support your DD in managing her anxiety, and combatting being able to cope with these situations.

That’s exactly what I am doing and have been for some time. My waiting in the waiting room is progress, believe me, but I was sat on the other side of the room and I heard it.
She wasn’t booking in, she was asking about a flu vaccine

OP posts:
alyceflowers · 26/04/2023 19:19

I'd guess the receptionist has to check your DD qualifies for a flu jab, and most young women getting it will be due to pregnancy.
I can't see there's anything offensive about asking if she's pregnant though?

CantFindTheBeat · 26/04/2023 19:20

That sounds awful. I'm sorry for your DD.

The receptionist was wrong. There are many discreet ways to check needs and eligibility.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:20

Jenn3112 · 26/04/2023 19:17

I think there is a better way to ask if she meets the criteria for a flu jab, but I wouldn't make a complaint, no. There is a lesson here that if she doesn't want to answer personal questions in the waiting room, ring or book online.

Phoning not possible unfortunately due to the system at The GP and her asthma is on her notes so asking her name should have done the job.
I wouldn’t be complaining as it’s up to her and DD wouldn’t

OP posts:
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 26/04/2023 19:21

Of course it's unreasonable to ask that in front of other patients! She should have simply asked if she was classed as more vulnerable to flu, or if a doctor had advised her to book, etc.

chezpopbang · 26/04/2023 19:21

Totally shouldn't have asked this but it is an odd time of year to be getting a flu jab. Wouldn't normally give flu jab after the end of April so maybe she was surprised someone wanted it at this time of year if not pregnant? I do agree that sometimes the questions they ask are totally inappropriate and if it upset your daughter I would say something to the manager of the practice so they can give training.

Sceptre86 · 26/04/2023 19:22

You need to work on your dd's anxiety and building up her tolerance which you are working on by the sounds of it. The receptionist was just doing her job, they are busy and whilst she could have referred your dd to a list of conditions and asked if she had any of them (less likely to embarrassed your dd) perhaps she just didn't think? From her point of view she would need to know if your dd was in a priority group to get a vaccination on the nhs or suggest where you could go to get one privately. They also don't tend to do them at this time of year.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:22

alyceflowers · 26/04/2023 19:19

I'd guess the receptionist has to check your DD qualifies for a flu jab, and most young women getting it will be due to pregnancy.
I can't see there's anything offensive about asking if she's pregnant though?

I know pregnancy isn’t an illness but it’s personal and I don’t think she should be asked the question in earshot of around 15 other people

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 26/04/2023 19:24

alyceflowers · 26/04/2023 19:19

I'd guess the receptionist has to check your DD qualifies for a flu jab, and most young women getting it will be due to pregnancy.
I can't see there's anything offensive about asking if she's pregnant though?

Same, it's a yes/no question and probably something that the receptionist will have to put into a bloody screening questionnaire on the computer before being able to book in for the jab.

SunshineGeorgie · 26/04/2023 19:25

Nobody else will have heard a normal voice you did because you were tuned in to your dd and all her problems/issues.... so you were listening hard

The lady did nothing wrong!

ladydimitrescu · 26/04/2023 19:25

You sound like a wonderful supportive mum op. If she wasn't booking in then I actually agree there wasn't a need to ask at that point, so i would ask DD if she'd like to mention it to the practice manager. If she does want to, I would encourage her to do so rather than you. I hope she isn't put off of being more independent in public ❤️

pimplebum · 26/04/2023 19:27

People who do not , or do not know anyone who suffers social anxiety will not act in a S.A sensitive way , I would however expect a doctor's receptionist to be tad more sensitive especially with a teen but the thing for you to do as a parent is to build her resilience. If you want to make a job of complaining every time a person is insensitive to your daughter's needs go ahead I support you in your mission but you are going to be busy !

MichelleScarn · 26/04/2023 19:27

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:22

I know pregnancy isn’t an illness but it’s personal and I don’t think she should be asked the question in earshot of around 15 other people

Show quote history

Honestly I know it'll be her anxiety, but those 15 people in the waiting room really won't have been that interested at all in her answer, or will have even retained the information that she was asked. They'll have been more focused on their own reason for being at the doctors.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:28

Interesting, most people seem to think it’s ok.
Looks like I shouldn’t be annoyed but after so many years of MH issues it’s hard to know if you are overprotective or not.
Just to reiterate- I had no intention of complaining I was just interested in opinions

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2023 19:30

As the flu season is pretty much over, yes, YABU. Most women requesting a flu/Covid jab now will be pregnant.

If I had been in the waiting room, honestly, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. You need to work on your daughter’s confidence.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:32

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2023 19:30

As the flu season is pretty much over, yes, YABU. Most women requesting a flu/Covid jab now will be pregnant.

If I had been in the waiting room, honestly, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. You need to work on your daughter’s confidence.

Do I?
Thank you, certainly haven’t been trying to do that with the help of medical professionals for the last 10 years or so.
Will get right on it

OP posts:
SunshineGeorgie · 26/04/2023 19:32

There's nothing to complain about

And dwelling on it or discussing it with your dd will make her issues worse!

Is this what always happens?

Itsbritneybitch22 · 26/04/2023 19:33

Why would the receptionist need to know why she’s having a flu jab when the nurse is there saying to book for it?

She sounds like an idiot and these people never learn because no one can be arsed to complain, I’m so lucky our local surgery has lovely receptionists and my doctors surgery is tiny but we never overhear what they ask people, there’s ways of speaking to people and thats not it.

JudgeRudy · 26/04/2023 19:33

I do think sometimes staff should be mindful of other's needs for privacy. I dislike giving out my name and address even more so if I'm asked my date of birth. Saying that customers and patients are just as bad. I gave someone in front of me some personal space (around a meter) and was astonished when a huge bloke just barged into the gap almost breathing down the ladies neck. I politely pointed out there was a queue and he got quite argumentative about how I was queuing incorrectly and how was anyone supposed to know. I thanked him for mansplaining the art of queuing but that it seemed the 3 people behind me seemed to have understood perfectly what was happening.
He was clearly a very very important man

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:35

SunshineGeorgie · 26/04/2023 19:32

There's nothing to complain about

And dwelling on it or discussing it with your dd will make her issues worse!

Is this what always happens?

Yes, her MH issues are purely down to crap parenting
Although none of the NHS or Private medical professionals have highlighted it yet

OP posts: