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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at Doctors Receptionist?

106 replies

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 18:53

DD18 has anxiety and struggles in a lot of situations, her main trigger is being embarrassed in public. She is on The Pill for very painful periods, she may also be sexual active, none of my business.
She had a nurse appointment today for a repeat prescription and I don’t in go with her but she did ask me to take her and stay in the waiting room.
She came out of her appointment with the nurse and went to Reception to ask about getting her Flu jab (she has asthma). I am encouraging her to do more things like this on her own so I stayed seated across the other side of the room.
I then heard “why, are you pregnant?” From The Receptionist, as did everyone else in the room. DD went very red and said “no, I have asthma”. (She told me this I didn’t hear her reply)
Afterwards as we left she said did I think it was ok for her to be asked that so loudly in a crowded room? I said not but I ask you MNetters- should I/she be annoyed or upset?
I won’t make a complaint unless DD wants to, in which case I will advise her on what to do but I do think it’s not on to ask a young woman if she is pregnant in a loud voice in a crowded waiting room, Aibu?

OP posts:
SunshineGeorgie · 26/04/2023 19:36

Well at least you're honest!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/04/2023 19:37

I wouldn’t think that’s an embarrassing thing to ask - not like some wretched receptionist once asked my DM, top of her voice across the waiting room, ‘Is it about your waterworks, dear?’ 😱

Daisymay2 · 26/04/2023 19:38

Without trying to defend the receptionist, the flu jab season for most people ends at the end of January, sometimes into Feb/March if a late flu season depending on stock availability. It doesn't start again until September, when the new version is formulated. It is very unusual to give it in April. She might have been tying to work out why someone was asking now. There are more tactful ways to ask though.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:39

SunshineGeorgie · 26/04/2023 19:36

Well at least you're honest!

Given that I’m just back after a 1 week ban I won’t be sharing my opinion on what I think you are

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:40

Daisymay2 · 26/04/2023 19:38

Without trying to defend the receptionist, the flu jab season for most people ends at the end of January, sometimes into Feb/March if a late flu season depending on stock availability. It doesn't start again until September, when the new version is formulated. It is very unusual to give it in April. She might have been tying to work out why someone was asking now. There are more tactful ways to ask though.

DD is 18 and probably not the most aware of when Flu season is/ the correct time for jabs.
She was trying to be brave and show some initiative but I can see why The Receptionist was confused.

OP posts:
Sidge · 26/04/2023 19:41

Well flu season is finished as of March 31st so she won’t be able to get a vaccine until later this year anyway.

However that was indiscreet of the receptionist, she could have just asked her eligibility.

I don’t think asking “are you pregnant” is inherently problematic though. It’s a simple statement of fact, not a judgement call.

Annfr · 26/04/2023 19:42

I personally think it's a bit off.

It's just unnecessary. Why are you eligible would have been enough surely? A receptionist does not need to know if you're pregnant.

nomoredriving · 26/04/2023 19:44

Crikey, asking an 18 year old if she is pregnant is hardly a crime!

aberlot · 26/04/2023 19:44

Nah nobody should be asking a woman if she is pregnant outwith a private medical appointment.

I actually asked the receptionist in our GP if she could lower her voice once as she was loudly repeating what I had said to her which wasn't required. They all raise their voices because they are behind a screen. So annoying.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:46

nomoredriving · 26/04/2023 19:44

Crikey, asking an 18 year old if she is pregnant is hardly a crime!

I didn’t ask if it was a crime, I asked if The Receptionist should have asked a bit more quietly

OP posts:
nomoredriving · 26/04/2023 19:47

@Hoppinggreen only the answer from your DD needs to be quiet surely?

The receptionist didn't say you are pregnant?

7eleven · 26/04/2023 19:49

I think the question was reasonable, in the context. Your daughter will look to you to see how you react. Move on and forget it.

noctu · 26/04/2023 19:51

YANBU
Receptionist should be asking in a discreet manner (both in wording and in volume).
This applies to any personal medical question.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:51

7eleven · 26/04/2023 19:49

I think the question was reasonable, in the context. Your daughter will look to you to see how you react. Move on and forget it.

Good point, I am reacting on here rather than IRL.
I just told her that it was perhaps a bit indiscreet but not a big deal and she should forget it

OP posts:
7eleven · 26/04/2023 19:56

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 19:51

Good point, I am reacting on here rather than IRL.
I just told her that it was perhaps a bit indiscreet but not a big deal and she should forget it

Show quote history

Excellent. Sounds tough.

ArcticBells · 26/04/2023 19:58

YABU. Receptionists are given questions they have to ask - they don't make them up.

ReallyWishIHadntDoneThat · 26/04/2023 20:00

Looking at it from a different perspective, it could have been worse if it had happened to someone else. What happened with your DD is that she became embarrassed and anxious (which I'm not minimising BTW, I know the kind of feeling and it's horrid). If a socially vulnerable woman had been asked that in a waiting room loudly enough for people to overhear, there could have been quite severe consequences depending on who heard and how they repeated it. "I saw X's daughter at the doctor's today and the receptionist asked if she were pregnant" can quickly morph into "X's daughter is pregnant!" through the gossip chain.

In my surgery, there is a privacy wall where you speak to the receptionist and they are always really good at speaking softly. It might be an idea to give some feedback to your surgery (not necessarily a complaint) highlighting how important keeping discussions at reception private is.

KitKatLove · 26/04/2023 20:02

her main trigger is being embarrassed in public

how is the receptionist to know firstly that your daughter would be embarrassed and secondly that being embarrassed is a trigger?

should I/she be annoyed or upset?

you’re asking us to tell you both. You both were either annoyed or upset or you weren’t. It would appear the latter as you have to ask.

I won’t make a complaint unless DD wants to, in which case I will advise her on what to do

who’s potentially complaining? You or your daughter?

but I do think it’s not on to ask a young woman if she is pregnant in a loud voice in a crowded waiting room, Aibu?

apart from you did anyone actually know who your daughter was? Were people looking and reacting to the receptionist’s question? You didn’t hear your daughter’s response so presumably the people waiting didn’t either or worst case scenario they know she has asthma. It’s not like she asked if she had chlamydia. I think you’re looking to make something out of nothing which has the potential to make your daughter be too embarrassed to go to the surgery. It was most likely a one off.

ExhaustedPigwidgeon · 26/04/2023 20:08

Nobody in the waiting room would have cared about the answer. I have social anxiety and that sort of thing may have bothered me at 18 - it seems to be age and experience which is helping me become less anxious in social spaces. I think you talking to her and downplaying it/ telling her to forget it is the right thing to do

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 20:11

ReallyWishIHadntDoneThat · 26/04/2023 20:00

Looking at it from a different perspective, it could have been worse if it had happened to someone else. What happened with your DD is that she became embarrassed and anxious (which I'm not minimising BTW, I know the kind of feeling and it's horrid). If a socially vulnerable woman had been asked that in a waiting room loudly enough for people to overhear, there could have been quite severe consequences depending on who heard and how they repeated it. "I saw X's daughter at the doctor's today and the receptionist asked if she were pregnant" can quickly morph into "X's daughter is pregnant!" through the gossip chain.

In my surgery, there is a privacy wall where you speak to the receptionist and they are always really good at speaking softly. It might be an idea to give some feedback to your surgery (not necessarily a complaint) highlighting how important keeping discussions at reception private is.

Well if her answer had been Yes there was at least one person in the room (me) would have been VERY interested.
It was just a bit of discomfort for her, which I have minimised and she’s fine now.
I was just wondering if I was right to be a bit miffed - I wouldn’t complain as I was just a bystander BUT in the very unlikely event DD wanted to and asked how to do so I would tell her

OP posts:
Soakitup37 · 26/04/2023 20:15

Rightly or wrongly it’s a good example of the sort of thing your daughter can use as an example of stuff she’s going to come across and how to handle it.

the 15 other people would care not a jot if she was pregnant or not, and that’s the sort of focus dd should have in such circumstances.

Summerof76a · 26/04/2023 20:17

I wouldn’t complain as I was just a bystander BUT in the very unlikely event DD wanted to and asked how to do so I would tell her

Oh don't. People look to be offended. Teach your dd to laugh things off rather than indulge her anxiety.

ringoutsolsticebells · 26/04/2023 20:18

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2023 19:30

As the flu season is pretty much over, yes, YABU. Most women requesting a flu/Covid jab now will be pregnant.

If I had been in the waiting room, honestly, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. You need to work on your daughter’s confidence.

There are NO flu jabs in primary care at this time of year. They have all expired. That is why I doubt this story is actually true

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2023 20:22

ringoutsolsticebells · 26/04/2023 20:18

There are NO flu jabs in primary care at this time of year. They have all expired. That is why I doubt this story is actually true

Show quote history

Really?
Or maybe 18 year olds don’t actually know when the flu season is or when they do the jabs.
The Receptionist apparently told her they will contact her when they are available again.
Why on earth would I make it up?

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 26/04/2023 20:24

The Receptionist wasn't wrong in asking the question, she should have been a bit more discreet.

I hate the way my GPs Reception is effectively open plan to the waiting area, its not particularly nice it being so close.

I also think ours are in a habit of speaking really loudly through the glass screen as some people struggle to hear.