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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this cause a problem in your house

113 replies

Sunshineoh · 26/04/2023 10:58

We are going away to a seaside resort in a few weeks with my extended family. Its inly a 2 night trip. They are all travelling early Friday morning to get there to have a whole day. I have booked the day off and the kids are off school but DH can only have a half day minimum so wouldn't be able to leave until 12.30.
I have said to him that me and DCs will travel with my Mum early so we don't miss most of the day there.
He is really unhappy with me, saying I will do what I want anyway but why can't we just wait.
AIBU here, should I wait?
It's a 2 hour drive away so I thought he could just meet us there when he is finished work. Will mean we aren't sat at home waiting for him.

OP posts:
misskatamari · 26/04/2023 11:00

No it wouldn’t cause issues. Unless there is some major travel issue, as in it’s actually hard for him to get there and will take him 6 hours and 7 trains etc. it’s really silly to expect you all to wait for him when you can get there early and enjoy the day. My dh would want us to do that as it would be enjoyable for us, as opposed to crap and boring for us all waiting around for him to be done

Beginningless · 26/04/2023 11:03

My DH would probably be delighted with the journey alone in peace! But have you asked him why this is bothering him? I can imagine if I was the one staying behind I might wish we could all go together, I wouldn’t cause a fight though.

StonwEd · 26/04/2023 11:08

Nope, totally normal in ours. In fact, for the first time ever, I’m the one travelling alone later on on the coronation world. Looking forward to snacks, comedy podcast and driving to see the family when they’re all settled in Ave the kettles on 👍

StonwEd · 26/04/2023 11:08

Coronation weekend

heldinadream · 26/04/2023 11:08

I can't see a single reason for you not to go with your mum and for DH to follow on.
Is he just jealous that you and children get there early? If so, he resents you and the children having a couple of hours extra holiday without him. Not good OP.
I'd just go.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/04/2023 11:12

No you absolutely should not wait.

That he believes 3 people should pointlessly waste half a day waiting for him, is an indication that he is selfish and self absorbed.

Theraffarian · 26/04/2023 11:16

Absolutely go with your mum and dad , 3 of you get most of Friday there , can settle in and relax . Husband also has a relaxing drive just popping himself in the car because presumably you will take the luggage with you . Win all round .

Last time we went away having both worked in the morning, it was the most stressful thing ever . Both of us trying desperately to finish work at the time we had planned , then running round throwing everything in the car like crazy people . It will be so much more relaxing for your husband if you guys all go in the morning, he is mad to think making you all hang around for him will make a happy start to the break.

TokyoSushi · 26/04/2023 11:20

Absolutely not at all, we often travel separately etc for reasons like this.

DH should count himself lucky, he gets to work in peace, can leave when he wants to, gets a quiet journey and I expect arrive when everything is set up, what's not to like?!

NoSquirrels · 26/04/2023 11:20

Sounds totally reasonable to me. I’d suggest that too if east transport for everyone and it didn’t mean the person left behind had a shit journey. My DH might be minorly put out but not by much.

Wingedharpy · 26/04/2023 11:22

Did he think you may do the driving?
Is he rubbish at driving and navigating solo?
Have you asked him why he would prefer you all to wait?

teenagetantrums · 26/04/2023 11:24

No that makes perfect sense. My DP would enjoy the peace of a drive alone.

mumarooni · 26/04/2023 11:27

in our house I/my wife would defo wait. We always prefer to drive together, it is about our only chance of a proper catch up chat! Whoever was 'waiting' would give the kids a run at the park which would make the journey more bearable for them too, tidy the house so its nice to come home to, and pack a lunch that we could all share on the way. It is more economical fuel wise.

ClarissaExplainsSome · 26/04/2023 11:28

Echo the others I would love to drive without kids 😂

cptartapp · 26/04/2023 11:29

Is there more going on here?
How often do you holiday with your family?
Do you ever holiday with his?

gooseduckchicken · 26/04/2023 11:30

Do you do a lot with your family? Is he generally considered an after thought, as in you make arrangements with your family, tell him the arrangements without consultation, and now the final straw is he misses the children's excitement of setting off on a holiday and just arrives mid-way through the fun?

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/04/2023 11:31

Your H is a baby isn’t he?

Give him a nice bland aww we will look forward to when you arrive and stick to your decision.

What a whiner.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/04/2023 11:35

It wouldn't cause any problems, we would probably go together though because we tend to go on the train and its pointless arriving earlier than check in time if you have to cart your luggage around. However assuming the luggage will be in the car then I think it makes sense for you to go earlier.

Brefugee · 26/04/2023 11:37

not only would it not cause a problem here, but the one who had to work until 12:30 would have suggested the other take the DCs and go up early.
Your DH is being a baby

Inthesamesinkingboat · 26/04/2023 11:38

Wouldn’t even be a discussion. Go and he can catch up when he’s ready

Qhaecciarr · 26/04/2023 11:40

Would 100% go separately, why would one person want the other several to waste a good chunk of their holiday time waiting around for them?

BigglyBee · 26/04/2023 11:42

Were you supposed to declare that it wouldn't be the same without him and then insist on sitting on your suitcases by the door until he arrived to bless your day with his presence?

I'd just laugh and carry on as planned. My husband has form for being a bit self-centred, and this is what has worked for me in the past.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 26/04/2023 11:42

We would wait.

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 11:43

No, he's being ridiculous.

TeenLifeMum · 26/04/2023 11:43

Dh would be insisting we go and he meet us in the afternoon.

TeenLifeMum · 26/04/2023 11:46

@mumarooni it’s not more economical as 2 cars are travelling (parents and op dh), if op doesn’t go with her parents, then they will still travel so still 2 cars.