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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this cause a problem in your house

113 replies

Sunshineoh · 26/04/2023 10:58

We are going away to a seaside resort in a few weeks with my extended family. Its inly a 2 night trip. They are all travelling early Friday morning to get there to have a whole day. I have booked the day off and the kids are off school but DH can only have a half day minimum so wouldn't be able to leave until 12.30.
I have said to him that me and DCs will travel with my Mum early so we don't miss most of the day there.
He is really unhappy with me, saying I will do what I want anyway but why can't we just wait.
AIBU here, should I wait?
It's a 2 hour drive away so I thought he could just meet us there when he is finished work. Will mean we aren't sat at home waiting for him.

OP posts:
ShagratandGorbag4ever · 26/04/2023 16:09

I'd probably tell him not to bother coming at all, but then I have little patience with man-babies.

DanceMonster · 26/04/2023 16:09

gamerchick · 26/04/2023 16:07

I'd be tempted to send the kids on ahead and make the most of some me and husband time on the journey. I don't think I'd like to leave him to come later. It would make me feel a bit blue I think if it was reversed.

Blue? To drive for 2 hours on your own, knowing your partner and kids are enjoying themselves and you’ll be with them soon?
It would make me feel blue to know my parent and kids were sat around at home waiting for me instead of enjoying themselves at the seaside.

Behindtheback · 26/04/2023 16:18

In my house he’d want me to go on ahead with the dc, and I’d want to wait so we could all travel together. We have ridiculous rows.

caringcarer · 26/04/2023 16:27

Most DH's would probably prefer a 2 hour car journey kid free. No reason at all for you not to go with your Mum. You and the kids can have several hours more holiday and it will be nice for your Mum to have the company. Was he hoping you'd drive so he could relax on the journey there? Don't give in to his demands.

caringcarer · 26/04/2023 16:28

DanceMonster · 26/04/2023 11:56

My DH would jump at the chance of a 2 hour drive on his own, listening to podcasts instead of children bickering in the back seat.

Mine too. I bet most DH would.

kitsuneghost · 26/04/2023 16:28

I would wait for my OH
but we tend to do most things together

gamerchick · 26/04/2023 16:29

DanceMonster · 26/04/2023 16:09

Blue? To drive for 2 hours on your own, knowing your partner and kids are enjoying themselves and you’ll be with them soon?
It would make me feel blue to know my parent and kids were sat around at home waiting for me instead of enjoying themselves at the seaside.

Show quote history

Feeling and doing are 2 different things. I would think the chance of sending the kids on ahead, have a blissful few hours in the house alone and travelling with husband afterwards would appeal to me.

Floralnomad · 26/04/2023 16:29

What you are suggesting is fine , but I’d be tempted at this point to ask him if he’d rather stay home alone for the weekend and go on your own with the kids .

OopsAnotherOne · 26/04/2023 16:29

Nope, he wouldn't mind. I'm not great with long drives though and he usually does all of the driving for journeys over 2-3 hours as he loves driving, so he'd probably make sure I felt confident with the route and check the SatNav is set up properly. It wouldn't cause a problem though, there's no reason why it should!

MysteryBelle · 26/04/2023 16:29

I’m surprised at the response. I would think wait and travel together. Part of the holiday for him may be the traveling together.

UmbrellaCinderella · 26/04/2023 16:30

What's his issue with it? It's not clear from your posts. Why does he want you all to wait and waste a day? It's really odd. Surely it'll be more peaceful for him driving there alone, anyway? I don't get why he'd be upset?

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 16:32

MysteryBelle · 26/04/2023 16:29

I’m surprised at the response. I would think wait and travel together. Part of the holiday for him may be the traveling together.

Even if it means part of the holiday for her is spent sitting at home waiting for him?

MysteryBelle · 26/04/2023 16:33

Behindtheback · 26/04/2023 16:18

In my house he’d want me to go on ahead with the dc, and I’d want to wait so we could all travel together. We have ridiculous rows.

This is same for me 😂

I think it’s nice that he wants to travel together with op and the children.

caringcarer · 26/04/2023 16:33

Sunshineoh · 26/04/2023 14:45

Thanks for all the responses. He does drive and doesn't have an issue with driving, doesn't get nervous or anything.
I did ask him 2 weeks ago if he could book the day off, he said he can't due to work but has managed to book a different day that same week to spend with the kids!
He isn't a big fan of time with my family but knows me and the kids enjoy it - they have cousins to play with.
I do worry if we wait around for him he often needs to work extra so who's to say he wouldn't delay us leaving.

Yep. If you give in and wait around all morning for him something could happen at work, or he is so busy he forgets the time, and arrives home even later than planned. Then he will want coffee before he goes, and maybe a sandwich and before you know it another hour will be wasted. Don't let him take your time with your family away from you. He sounds controlling. Does he have form for this type of selfish behaviour?

Delatron · 26/04/2023 16:35

No my DH would drive there later on and be happy about it.

Why is your DH upset? Because he misses half a day of a family holiday? Some ‘special’ family time in the car? I mean WTF?

Being brutally honest if this was a trip with the in-laws my DH would probably suggest driving down the following day! And missing the Friday PM traffic. He’d very much enjoy that time alone…

It seems selfish to make you all wait…

Delatron · 26/04/2023 16:36

If you wait for him and he is delayed you’ll hit some awful bank holiday traffic? Potentially wasting the whole day. Far better to leave early.

MysteryBelle · 26/04/2023 16:37

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 16:32

Even if it means part of the holiday for her is spent sitting at home waiting for him?

Show quote history

It’s how you look at it, I guess. I wouldn’t mind waiting because I’d like to travel together. It wouldn’t be a resentful waiting like you’re putting forth. I see it as he is part of the holiday group.

It’s ok to have different views on this, goodness.

5128gap · 26/04/2023 16:42

Can't believe that people think its 'nice' he wants to travel with them! A man wanting to be with his wife and children is really not an 'Ah bless him, aren't you lucky' moment that everyone in the family should put themselves out to accommodate. It should be the default. As should putting aside what he wants in the interests of his children.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/04/2023 16:47

YANBU, as long as it's easy for him to get there. You shouldn't have to all wait for him. Plus traffic on a Friday afternoon is a fucking nightmare. We all had to wait for DH working Friday am once when I had wanted to get away early and we had a nightmare journey. Never again.

ShowUs · 26/04/2023 16:48

I think it’s fine and I’d tell him he doesn’t need to travel down that day and can have a night to himself.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/04/2023 16:50

Especially if it's only a two night trip, I wouldn't be losing half a day of that under any circumstances. Why does he have to go at all, really?

Curseofthenation · 26/04/2023 16:50

I would love driving down alone!

I would just crack on and go if I were you. Maybe get some beers/a treat he likes in for the break to brighten him up on arrival 😅. Obviously not your job to manage his mood but it's what I would do as a way of smoothing things over while standing my ground...

Catspyjamas17 · 26/04/2023 16:53

I wouldn't need to stand my ground, I'd just tell him what was going to happen.

altmember · 26/04/2023 16:55

So dh has the choice of a 2 hour journey all together in the car with two kids, or the same journey in peace and quiet by himself, and he'd rather do the former? Definitely something wrong with him.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/04/2023 16:58

Probably a longer journey by himself on a Friday afternoon to a seaside resort on a bank holiday, but definitely peaceful. He wants everyone to wait so they can all suffer the traffic together. Twat.