Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this cause a problem in your house

113 replies

Sunshineoh · 26/04/2023 10:58

We are going away to a seaside resort in a few weeks with my extended family. Its inly a 2 night trip. They are all travelling early Friday morning to get there to have a whole day. I have booked the day off and the kids are off school but DH can only have a half day minimum so wouldn't be able to leave until 12.30.
I have said to him that me and DCs will travel with my Mum early so we don't miss most of the day there.
He is really unhappy with me, saying I will do what I want anyway but why can't we just wait.
AIBU here, should I wait?
It's a 2 hour drive away so I thought he could just meet us there when he is finished work. Will mean we aren't sat at home waiting for him.

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 26/04/2023 13:10

I would wait for DH but he wouldn't have a problem with us going separately. However, this is because I have a 16 year old and 12 year old, they most likely would be ready and up to go. When they were little I would have met DH at my Mum's for instance as she lives 4hrs away in the car. He would just come on the train from London where he works.

It is nice he wants to go with you.

BronwenFrideswide · 26/04/2023 13:14

No, it wouldn't cause a problem in our house it's happened often due to work patterns. DH would have suggested we go on ahead and he'll meet us there when he's finished, it would be a total non-issue.

nidgey · 26/04/2023 13:16

No issue in this house - in fact last summer we went somewhere early and my DH took a 4.5 hour train and bus journey to meet us there as he didn't want us to have to wait for him (only 3 hour drive away)

goodkidsmaadhouse · 26/04/2023 13:19

I would wait but DH wouldn't have a problem with me not waiting. And vice versa.

Parky04 · 26/04/2023 13:19

I would be delighted if you went earlier, I would then say I was having car issues and spend a nice relaxing couple of days on my own!

AlisonDonut · 26/04/2023 13:24

DH can only have a half day minimum so wouldn't be able to leave until 12.30.

I don't know what this means, surely a half day minimum means he could actually book the full day off?

If we were doing this, either we'd meet there or one would drive, put the laptop onto the hotspot and the other could work on the journey.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/04/2023 13:24

My DH would probably suggest I left early with my mum and DC.

Lasouthpaw · 26/04/2023 13:38

No we've often done this as it's easier for our toddler to travel early in the day to ensure he has the whole day to wear himself at our destination.

My husband will follow us after he finishes work.

Neither of us has an issue with being the one coming later. Neither of us would make the other and our child wait around and miss out on the time away!

GoodChat · 26/04/2023 13:42

AlisonDonut · 26/04/2023 13:24

DH can only have a half day minimum so wouldn't be able to leave until 12.30.

I don't know what this means, surely a half day minimum means he could actually book the full day off?

If we were doing this, either we'd meet there or one would drive, put the laptop onto the hotspot and the other could work on the journey.

She obviously means maximum.

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 13:44

Parky04 · 26/04/2023 13:19

I would be delighted if you went earlier, I would then say I was having car issues and spend a nice relaxing couple of days on my own!

😁

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 13:47

My DH would be absolutely chuffed he got to listen to his sports in peace on the drive down alone

RichardHeed · 26/04/2023 14:13

No, DP would do anything to facilitate and DD seeing family more than we can do now.

5128gap · 26/04/2023 14:18

Does he have anxiety about driving alone? If not, how selfish of him to make his children miss out on most of the day just so he doesn't have to! I'd stand firm on this OP as your children's day should come before his preference on this.

Dishwashy · 26/04/2023 14:19

We'd probably wait if he asked. It's hard enough being an in law at these things, I'd be nice to him!

5128gap · 26/04/2023 14:22

Goldenbear · 26/04/2023 13:10

I would wait for DH but he wouldn't have a problem with us going separately. However, this is because I have a 16 year old and 12 year old, they most likely would be ready and up to go. When they were little I would have met DH at my Mum's for instance as she lives 4hrs away in the car. He would just come on the train from London where he works.

It is nice he wants to go with you.

Nice is wanting what's best for other people. Its not nice to want them to be hanging round the house for hours against their preference when they could be at the seaside.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2023 14:37

Sounds really sensible for you guys to go ahead.

You get the full day, miss the afternoon traffic which will start building up early before a BH, and he gets a peaceful journey after work. Win win.

His attitude suggests he just doesn’t like you having fun and wants the world to revolve around him! Also that he may drag his feet and delay you all for shits and giggles, or if he decides he “doesn’t feel in the mood”.

Original poster
Sunshineoh · 26/04/2023 14:45

Thanks for all the responses. He does drive and doesn't have an issue with driving, doesn't get nervous or anything.
I did ask him 2 weeks ago if he could book the day off, he said he can't due to work but has managed to book a different day that same week to spend with the kids!
He isn't a big fan of time with my family but knows me and the kids enjoy it - they have cousins to play with.
I do worry if we wait around for him he often needs to work extra so who's to say he wouldn't delay us leaving.

OP posts:
Lovingitallnow · 26/04/2023 14:57

We do this nearly every time, I go down at lunchtime and he follows after work. That way I get settled in with the kids and the house set up and he doesn't use up a day holidays (I'm a sahm) so we wake up there on his first morning holiday as it were.

SavBlancTonight · 26/04/2023 14:57

He's being mindblowingly selfish. In our house, DH is the one who would suggest this and secretly, would be looking forward to getting himself out the door without me yelling at him for faffing and a nice car ride listening to the radio!

5128gap · 26/04/2023 15:35

Sunshineoh · 26/04/2023 14:45

Thanks for all the responses. He does drive and doesn't have an issue with driving, doesn't get nervous or anything.
I did ask him 2 weeks ago if he could book the day off, he said he can't due to work but has managed to book a different day that same week to spend with the kids!
He isn't a big fan of time with my family but knows me and the kids enjoy it - they have cousins to play with.
I do worry if we wait around for him he often needs to work extra so who's to say he wouldn't delay us leaving.

If he is often later than he thinks he'll be, definitely don't agree to wait! Been there and done that. Sitting there with the DC all ready while half an hour turns into an hour and another...By the time he shows up you'll be furious!

JulieHoney · 26/04/2023 15:39

It’s perfect for him, then - you go early and have the full day; he works until lunchtime and has an afternoon to himself, joins you all in the evening.

CurlewKate · 26/04/2023 15:46

@Sunshineoh What's his reason?

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 15:48

It doesn't even make any particular sense to wait, does it? If going on ahead meant taking two cars instead of one; fair enough, but it won't 🤷🏻‍♀️
Why spend 5 hours sitting around waiting for him?

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 26/04/2023 16:03

My DH would have probably suggested it.

gamerchick · 26/04/2023 16:07

I'd be tempted to send the kids on ahead and make the most of some me and husband time on the journey. I don't think I'd like to leave him to come later. It would make me feel a bit blue I think if it was reversed.