For not wanting to go to DH's grandmother's funeral?

[GinnyBee]

My husband's grandmother (MIL's mum) died recently and the funeral is scheduled to be the day before our first baby's first birthday. That's almost irrelevant, however, because I don't think I'd feel any differently if it was just a normal day. They weren't close, I've met this woman less than 10 times in my life and the whole family have always spoken very meanly about her, including my MIL. My husband isn't close to that side of the family at all, he's seen his cousins once in the 11 years we've been together.

So I've pretty much assumed I'm not expected to attend, especially with a 1-year-old to juggle, but a recent chat with my SIL has made me question whether MIL would be offended and if I should go to show support. We're close with my husband's family, they live next door and we see each other pretty much on a daily basis, but I don't think that alone means I should be going to a complete stranger's funeral even though she's technically "family". And the very next day we will be having close family round for LO's birthday lunch which I will need to prep for. Should I just suck it up and go, or is it ok to skip this one? I didn't go to the grandad's funeral either, but I was out of the country at the time.

I can't ask MIL what she thinks as she's a terrible communicator on a good day, and is now having all sorts of complicated emotions about it because she didn't much like her mother.

Go. It is a respectful thing to do and will be appreciated. No need to drag it out though , just go to the service then leave . Unless it is very far away , it will be less than an hour out of your day.

You should go.

Go.

Just go and support your husband.

I think you should attend for support. A death has occurred, and it will be the respectful choice x

Definitely go. Rude and unsupportive not to.

I would go to support my husband and his family. But I get on with my in-laws really well, so I would never have even questioned it. What does your husband think?

You aren’t going to “a stranger’s funeral”: you’re going to the funeral of a close relative of your husband’s, to support him. He might not have been close to her but often that’s irrelevant: funerals are often a place where you can draw a line under a relationship you had with somebody and just say goodbye.

I cannot imagine not supporting my husband at his grandmother's funeral.
Your absence might also look less than pleasant given you're having your child's grandparents round for a party the following day. Might make things awkward.

Go

Yes you should go. Can your parents or a friend look after DC while you're there?

You're married, that means you go to family funerals.

You should go. I can't imagine not supporting my husband with a bereavement.

I wouldn't even question not going, as a support to my DH, regardless of how well you knew the grandmother.

If course you go! It would be disrespectful to not.

Go.

I think you should say to MIL, ‘Is it a good idea for me to bring Baby to the funeral?’

If she says no, you’re off the hook. If she says yes, or oh gosh, I don’t know what do you think?, or maybe, then you should go.

Don’t give a hint you don’t want to, just ask from a baby-practicalities point of view.

You go to support your husband and your in-laws. It is the decent and respectful thing to do.

Good god. Don't ask if you can take the baby. Get someone to look after it for an hour.

You absolutely go, unless you are specifically directed not to buy your MIL.

Funerals are for the living, you go to support those still alive.

You would be going to support DH and his parents wouldnt you?

People go to funerals for one of two reasons - 1) to say ‘goodbye’ to the deceased or 2) to support someone they care for who has been bereaved. You don’t need to know the ‘complete stranger’ who died to attend in the latter capacity.

You should go

Interesting! In my culture it would be considered almost weird if a spouse who didn't really know the deceased attended the funeral just because they married into the family. Something to keep in mind.

The funeral will be around an hour's drive and I couldn't just leave early as I don't have my own car. DH definitely isn't expecting me to go.

I agree with your reasons not to go and disagree with the majority here. I hope when I die, my grandchildren's spouses who I've rarely even met aren't guilt tripped by family members into going to my funeral.