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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want 10 minutes to shower alone?

104 replies

IsntItTimeForDuggee · 25/04/2023 19:58

I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old who is very attached to me, wants to be sat on me or be held by me all of the time, won’t do anything without holding my hand, “mama mama mama” all day, always following me around etc and she also still co-sleeps, working hard to stop this but to summarise we are together constantly, she is touching me all day long.

I have a shower every night before her bath and it’s the only time I get to myself all day, all I ask is that DH keeps her entertained whilst I shower and get dry and he keeps her out the bathroom and bedroom but every. single. night she appears in the bathroom at the shower door “ mama mama mama” and DH says he can’t keep her away. Then she’s stood in the bedroom pulling at me whilst I’m trying to get dry. She cries if DH carries her away. If I lock the bathroom my shower is spent with her banging on the door screaming.

All I ask is that he keeps the living room door shut for 10-15 minutes in the evening whilst I get washed. He says I’m being dramatic and she just loves her mum. Every night ends up in a back and forth where I say I just want my 10 minutes alone and he says can’t I just have her in there because otherwise she cries.

I can’t shower after she goes to bed as if I leave the bed she wakes up and cries until I come out (recently I had to go out for 3 hours and she cried the whole time until I came back)

AIBU?

OP posts:
rosegoldivy · 25/04/2023 20:00

I think YABU that a 10-15min shower is the only time you get.

Start going out more. Your child will adapt quicker than you think

SchoolQuestionnaire · 25/04/2023 20:01

Dh is a twat. You need to go out more
and leave him to it so he has to deal with it. Could you go to the gym or a relatives house to shower? Don’t tell him, just go.

sixthvestibule · 25/04/2023 20:02

Wow, this needs to change sooner rather than later and DH needs to start taking you seriously.

CeriB82 · 25/04/2023 20:02

why the co sleeping? Youre at fault here.

break the cycle now. Let her cry for mama.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 25/04/2023 20:02

Fucking hell your husband needs to bloody step up and sort it.

Botw1 · 25/04/2023 20:03

You need to be much firmer with her.

And your dh.

Start going out for a walk every night and let dh to bed time.

Look into going back to work/getting her in nursery

Stop co sleeping

Mrsjayy · 25/04/2023 20:04

You and your husband are letting her behave like this I get she's "attached" but you need to be able to have a breather . Lock the door of the bathroom her dad will have to cope or let him bath and put her to bed and shower then .

GrumpyPanda · 25/04/2023 20:05

Book a weekend away by yourself. He'll have to learn to cope.

WombatStewForTea · 25/04/2023 20:05

CeriB82 · 25/04/2023 20:02

why the co sleeping? Youre at fault here.

break the cycle now. Let her cry for mama.

Oh do piss off with the co-sleeping makes a rod for you own back/causes clingyness.

We coslept because mine was a good awful sleeper but she awake she was the most independent. There's not necessarily a correlation.

mathanxiety · 25/04/2023 20:06

Get a bolt for your bathroom door. Lock it. Spend twenty minutes in complete privacy.

Force DH to improvise better.

tonyhawks23 · 25/04/2023 20:07

I have a two year old and to me 10 mins sounds like a far off dream.but DH is at work so it's different to your situation.could your DH snuggle with milk and night garden which gives like 20 mins,or a high interest thing far from shower area,even going outside for star gazing,whatever holds her attention and more fun than you?it's a short time it will be ok in time,my older two allow me a shower.

Mrsjayy · 25/04/2023 20:07

You are not being dramatic he Is being weak he can't look after a 2 year old for 15 minutes what's wrong with him !

Lemoncakefortea · 25/04/2023 20:10

He’s being pathetic. He needs to entertain and distract his toddler for a very short time. The truth is that he doesn’t want to!!

You need to stop being so available by leaving the house for a walk/coffee/whatever.

tonyhawks23 · 25/04/2023 20:11

Yes PP stop cosleeping shaming,nothing wrong with a well attached daughter,crikey it's not attachment that's at fault,that's a good thing,it's great that OP is so present for her daughter,stop shaming people for attaching to their kids!it's the DH who's at fault here who can't distract for 10 mins,that's the skill he needs to develop,its just 10 mins!co sleeping is a wonderful thing.

Botw1 · 25/04/2023 20:12

I also dint understand why you don't shut the bedroom and locked the bathroom door?

And then not open them until he has done bath time

Botw1 · 25/04/2023 20:12

@tonyhawks23

That isn't a secure or good attachment

Original poster
IsntItTimeForDuggee · 25/04/2023 20:13

Botw1 · 25/04/2023 20:03

You need to be much firmer with her.

And your dh.

Start going out for a walk every night and let dh to bed time.

Look into going back to work/getting her in nursery

Stop co sleeping

She did go to nursery but she really struggled there and they suspected she has additional needs and might be better elsewhere. She is on the waiting list for an additional needs nursery that the paediatrician referred her to and I’m hoping that will help.

OP posts:
shutthewindownow · 25/04/2023 20:13

You really need to start leaving your daughter while you go out etc and build up the time. You also need to teach her to let go of you and stop suffocating you it really is not healthy you need to be firm and tell her no. What would you do if you had a baby to look after ? This would t be sustainable.

Original poster
IsntItTimeForDuggee · 25/04/2023 20:14

Botw1 · 25/04/2023 20:12

I also dint understand why you don't shut the bedroom and locked the bathroom door?

And then not open them until he has done bath time

If I shut the bathroom door DH just opens it to let her in, if I lock it the entire shower will be with her screaming and banging on the door which is really unpleasant for me, I’d rather he just listen to me and keep her in the living room distracted

OP posts:
tonyhawks23 · 25/04/2023 20:14

It is certainly a good attachment that a 2 year old wants her mother.thats normal.

Emmamoo89 · 25/04/2023 20:15

YANBU your DH is x

shivawn · 25/04/2023 20:16

Do you get a break if she naps during the day or do you have to lie down with her for her naps too?

shutthewindownow · 25/04/2023 20:16

tonyhawks23 · 25/04/2023 20:14

It is certainly a good attachment that a 2 year old wants her mother.thats normal.

O that is not normal for a 2 year old to have to be touching their mother all the time definitely not please don't let the op think this is ok it really is not

tonyhawks23 · 25/04/2023 20:17

Agree,this is not on OP this is DH needs to change his evening activity.cant he di a fun workout or something toddlers love a workout!

Original poster
IsntItTimeForDuggee · 25/04/2023 20:17

CeriB82 · 25/04/2023 20:02

why the co sleeping? Youre at fault here.

break the cycle now. Let her cry for mama.

I don’t want to leave her to cry and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with co-sleeping in general it’s just not for
me anymore and ideally I wouldn’t be doing it but we’ve been working on stopping it for a while with the help of the health visitor, it’s just not going very well!

OP posts: