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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not virtually attend this wedding...

113 replies

DilemmaADay · 25/04/2023 17:28

Me and DH received an invitation for a wedding of a old but distant friend. The invite is to attend the Wedding over zoom, midweek with a twee poem about how they'd love to have us there but due to space/money our presence virtually is appreciated. Of course there was a line about a gift list as well.

We've RSVPed with thanks, but no thanks. Friend seems genuinely confused as to why we don't want to book a day off work and buy a present for a wedding we've not even been invited to in person. So basically, "use your annual leave and spend money on me but you won't get the meal, drinks, celebration or party that comes with it"

From our mutual friends, 4 got a day invite, another 1 got the zoom invite so can't be that short. The other zoom person is also offended.

OP posts:
Original poster
DilemmaADay · 25/04/2023 17:29

*sorry I meant "so can't be that short of money/space" in that second to last line

OP posts:
MsWhitworth · 25/04/2023 17:29

Please tell me you are joking.

readbooksdrinktea · 25/04/2023 17:29

That's madness. YANBU at all.

ZenNudist · 25/04/2023 17:29

This is a new level of crazy.

I think its useful when wedding invites weed out the true friends from those who don't care...

FadedRed · 25/04/2023 17:30

Is this really a thing now? Wow! 😂🤣

rubyslippers · 25/04/2023 17:30

On my god! How fucking cheeky
So they don’t actually want you to come to the wedding but they want you to buy a gift
And if it was a twee poem about basically flinging cash at them for a honeymoon then that is PEAK cheeky fucker territory

Namechangedagain20 · 25/04/2023 17:30

YANBU. Some people are so self absorbed about their weddings. If they ask again I’d just say sorry but we don’t have the annual leave to use for it.

BreadInCaptivity · 25/04/2023 17:31

That's very fucking entitled.

Malloryhitops · 25/04/2023 17:31

Is the wedding in another country? 🙈🤔

Whataretheodds · 25/04/2023 17:32

I once got added to a mass email inviting me to go and throw confetti at the church - not even an invitation to the service, never mind the recption.

I never did like her much.

MyBoysHaveDogsNames · 25/04/2023 17:33

Ask them to send you the recording instead!

TheExchange · 25/04/2023 17:36

How tight of them is this?
A new wedding low.

Original poster
DilemmaADay · 25/04/2023 17:36

No, not abroad at all although that may have been better. The venue is fairly small, but I'd rather have got no invite than a a half hearted 'attend via your laptop and throw money at us thing'.

We've used the annual leave excuse (half true for DH anyway), but couple seem to think everyone should get leave for Their Special Day

OP posts:
eish · 25/04/2023 17:37

That is ridiculous, can’t believe they’re offended. I’d probably say, sorry I had nothing to wear if they questioned it

Createausername1970 · 25/04/2023 17:38

Oh. I have never heard of a zoom invite to a wedding. We had to do some zoom invites to FIL's funeral during lockdown, but that was a different thing. Numbers were strictly dictated, it was out of our hands. But I am not sure if anyone actually did log-in to watch.

I think I would find it a bit weird to watch a wedding over zoom if that was my only invite. I can see why you might say to people who have declined due to not wanting to travel etc, or childcare arrangements etc, that they could still watch via zoom, but I think its a bit pretentious to think anyone else would even WANT to watch my wedding over zoom and this be the only invitation.

I don't know, its a new concept to me, so I can't really decide what I think about it. But I am not sure I would be buying a present if I wasn't physically there - unless they were a good friend.... but then I would assume an invitation to the evening, if not the actual ceremony.

leilani83 · 25/04/2023 17:38

I've heard it all now, truly!!! ShockConfusedHmm

Hugasauras · 25/04/2023 17:38

I'd have to stick it on in the background out of nosiness! Wouldn't be turning my camera on or giving any money though.

Malloryhitops · 25/04/2023 17:39

Well that’s about the maddest invite I’ve ever heard of. Seriously why would anyone rsvp yes to that? 🤦‍♀️ defo YANBU! Imagine the two of you sitting in front of a laptop together all dolled up wasting a days annual leave 😂😂

lunaloveroo · 25/04/2023 17:40

What a weird thing for the couple to do.

2bazookas · 25/04/2023 17:40

Ultimate CFery.

I suppose the next thing will be, people get married online . Men will be able to give birth virtually, online.

Zoom funerals. anyone?

Sortyourlifeout · 25/04/2023 17:40

An ex friend, who I thought was a good friend, invited me to her wedding reception via a FB invite.

I told her I was busy. She got the hump because I didn't go.

I would rather have gone to the wedding itself rather than the reception (as I am a Christian so the wedding is the most important part, in my eyes), but I won't be going to any of it if I'm invited via FB.

Malloryhitops · 25/04/2023 17:40

Hugasauras · 25/04/2023 17:38

I'd have to stick it on in the background out of nosiness! Wouldn't be turning my camera on or giving any money though.

Ya I’d prob do the same 😂😂 although I wouldn’t be taking a day off for it. Might have a nosy on my lunch break on my phone or between calls 😂😂

Screwedupworld · 25/04/2023 17:41

I watched a cousin get married in covid on zoom BUT only because they were allowed 10 social distanced guests. Any other time than this I would think it was bloody ridiculous. YANBU at all OP x

Changedmymindtoday · 25/04/2023 17:41

Scaling your wedding attendance. It’s shrewd, I give them that.

😂 do not give a gift 😂

billy1966 · 25/04/2023 17:44

What a pair of CF's.

I can see this definitely catching on.

You could send out dozens of virtual invites, by email, cheaper again🙄.