To not virtually attend this wedding...

[DilemmaADay]

Me and DH received an invitation for a wedding of a old but distant friend. The invite is to attend the Wedding over zoom, midweek with a twee poem about how they'd love to have us there but due to space/money our presence virtually is appreciated. Of course there was a line about a gift list as well.

We've RSVPed with thanks, but no thanks. Friend seems genuinely confused as to why we don't want to book a day off work and buy a present for a wedding we've not even been invited to in person. So basically, "use your annual leave and spend money on me but you won't get the meal, drinks, celebration or party that comes with it"

From our mutual friends, 4 got a day invite, another 1 got the zoom invite so can't be that short. The other zoom person is also offended.

This is my ideal wedding invitation!

No need to get dressed up, I can eat/drink what I like. When I have had enough I can leave and nobody will be offended.

I would be generous with my gift!

What's on the gift list?

Unbelievable! I could understand a zoom link for a close friend or family member who was incapacitated in some way, but not just as a general invitation.

Funerals actually make more sense if there are people unable to attend due to time, incapacity or other issues - two people attended a funeral I went to last year by zoom as one was feeling raw from a recent loss of their own and the other wouldn't have felt comfortable to attend alone (they were employees of the deceased, not friends or family)

That is so greedy!!! YADNBU

How strange!

Had they left off the gift then yes I’d log on at lunch or something. If it’s a small venue etc. But that’s the height of cheekiness. Online funeral yes, I’ve attended a few and appreciated the chance to say a virtual goodbye but wedding? Nope never heard of it!

THIS

The cheek of including the gift reference!!

I attended my cousins wedding on Zoom but with my aunt who was bedbound in hospital at the time. I volunteered to join her as she wasn't great with technology and was very worried she would mess it up. She since passed away but we has a lovely afternoon watching it, the priest mentioned her during it & sent on everyone best wishes. We had a takeaway afternoon tea (organised by the bride & groom) while enjoying it. It was genuinely a lovely touch from 2 people who knew how much she wanted to be there.

It has a purpose & is lovely for those who genuinely want to attend but can't but any reference to gifts is completely crass & grabby.

this is hilarious and quite brilliant
I would sent a virtual gift. A gif of a kettle perhaps?

awwww that teach me not to rtft before posting!

No way. Its just cheeky fuckery to get a gift.

Were you at least invited to the evening reception?
If not, this is absolutely brazen.

Could have pyjamas trousers on though, noone would know..

Friend seems genuinely confused as to why we don't want to book a day off work and buy a present for a wedding we've not even been invited to in person

What did they actually say, @DilemmaADay ?

Sure, but would you get your hair done?

Wow I hope the grabby twats get shit presents or nothing at all.

I would have suggested dialling into the wedding from work for a laugh but I’m guessing your friend would hound you forever for the wedding gift.

Absolutely don’t get them a gift.

I’d accept, send them a virtual present ( flowers or money emoji) and sit and watch with microphone on munching a bag of crisps ( as no wedding breakfast provided) !

I’m not sure who would be bothered to watch me on zoom..would they project the zoom guests on the wall, or how would it work?

And would they be mad if you let an uninvited person also watch the wedding?

Fucking hell.

I will say that we had two people watch our wedding over video call because they screwed up accidentally and booked a holiday the same weekend, non refundable. Old family friends and they were mortified. And they got us a gorgeous gift. But that was entirely on them and I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking for anything and knew they were really upset at missing it.

Massive piss take

Wow outrageous! Fair enough if they want a small wedding and can't invite everyone, but then you don't expect people to attend via zoom, let alone to also buy a gift. We got married during a lockdown so had a live stream of the ceremony but that was different as they weren't physically allowed to attend. I think zoom attendance would only be acceptable under covid/lockdown times, not now.

Have you seen that episode of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon turns himself into a “robot”? I’m picturing a wedding full of those.

We had a zoom link to a friend's wedding... But that was peek COVID when they were only allowed 15 people to attend. And there was certainly no expectation of presents.

Baffled at this invite!

Friend seems genuinely confused as to why we don't want to book a day off work and buy a present for a wedding we've not even been invited to in person.
She’s not, she’s just having a paddy because she expects a gift of you and an rsvp to no means exactly that. She wouldn’t even know if you were on zoom or not tbh.