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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think 11 is not too young to travel on a train alone?

627 replies

Tellmeifimwrong · 25/04/2023 13:20

Please settle a debate! Happy to hear all opinions.

Is 11 years old, starting y7 in Sept, too young to take a one hour train journey, without parents but with a slightly younger child? Put on at one end by an adult and met at the other end by an adult, with a phone and data, and train staff informed? No behavioural problems or SEN.

OP posts:
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5
UndercoverCop · 26/04/2023 07:52

Lots of children get the train to school, but there are groups of them, older pupils if something goes wrong etc. I used to get a public bus to school but it was about half pupils from my school. One day it broke down the Y7s wouldn't have known what to do, but older pupils took charge. Although this was before children had mobile phones.
Two on their own for an hour I'd be more concerned about, but that's influenced by what I see in my line of work and the fact my childhood friend was raped on a train at 13.

trebarwith1 · 26/04/2023 07:53

If you trust your child I think it's fine. I think both of them together is better

Nimbostratus100 · 26/04/2023 07:54

xILikeJamx · 25/04/2023 13:22

An 11 year old should not be responsible for a younger child on a train

absolutely this, much to young to be responsible for another child on a train journey

NameChange30 · 26/04/2023 07:54

TheSnowyOwl · 25/04/2023 14:02

Someone I work with let their 12 year old son travel by train and he decided it would be fun to put his head out the window. He was decapitated. It really does depend upon the child in question and how sensible they are.

Oh my fucking God

CheckingOutandIn · 26/04/2023 07:55

I'd have said yes if there are no connections but people make a good point about them not being used to it and it just being them, not in a group of school friends. That does make something of a difference plus having to be responsible for another. And there are so many creeps around, a woman on an Edinburgh train yesterday woke up to find a naked man sitting next to her.

milveycrohn · 26/04/2023 07:55

An Hour's train journey seems rather long, to me, and definitely not with the younger child.
Many children age 11 travel to school alone on public buses and or trains, but generally the journey is shorter, and even so, as a parent, I would probably take my DC on the train the first few times, (or sit nearby, so as not to embarras a DC where other school children may be present). This, then would give them a familiarity with the journey, and there would probably be other school children on the train, with whom they may subsequently travel together.
However, this sounds like a one-off journey, and a rather long journey of 1 hour, so unless they were very used to travelling, I personally would be uncomfortable with this.

dottiedodah · 26/04/2023 07:57

LNER say they prefer children to have an Adult with them .I personally wouldnt want to do it.My DS was dropped at School and walked home

Lonecatwithkitten · 26/04/2023 07:59

Really only you can decide as you know the children. I grew up somewhere where a certain train the morning and then return were full of kids from the age of 9 travelling to school and walking 20 mins from the train station. So for me this would be normal.

Morph22010 · 26/04/2023 08:02

Totally depends on child I would have been fine to do this, my ds no way and he’s 12

LumpySpaceGoddess · 26/04/2023 08:02

I definitely wouldn’t send a 10 and 11 year old on the train together.
I grew up in a very busy town and was fairly independent, I first got on a train alone at 14 and had some horrendous experiences.
Even if you inform the train line they won’t be responsible for the children or if anything happens to them.

Flowersun6 · 26/04/2023 08:04

xILikeJamx · 25/04/2023 13:22

An 11 year old should not be responsible for a younger child on a train

This. Which train staff would you inform? It's not their responsibility either.

WeBuiltThisCity · 26/04/2023 08:06

My son has always been small for his age and looks a bit younger. When alone his only concern/ things he hates and happens repeatedly is people who stop him and approach him out of concern.
For example yesterday a woman stood in front of him and asked him if he knew where his mum was, he said ‘I’m fine thank you’ and tried to walk around. She apparently side stepped and said ‘where is she?’. I’ve now told him to get firmer in this situations and say ‘I’m fine, I know where I am going and so does my family. Please don’t delay me’. She apparently followed a few steps asking again, he had to say he did not want to share information with a stranger and could she please stop and leave him alone.
He’s had people try to stop him leaving places like the library, or asking him to go with them for help. Always women so far. They risk delaying him missing connections or just are tricky to deal with. It’s quite intimidating. I’ve witnessed how pushy one woman was when I turned up to meet him at an arranged space. She then started to tell me off my 12 yr old was alone in a busy railways station and list dangers. Drum into your child it’s ok to be ‘rude’, people can ask questions but they are not entitled to personal information for answers. Give them a stock reply and say to walk off. It’s amazing how many people will try to force a child to stay with or follow them or give information to them after the child has confirmed they are ok. Doing so can make the child late, miss trains and it’s really hard to deal with older assertive women for children. They are so trained to obey.
We’ve found its by far the most common tricky situation to face, so address it directly. Even if a stranger is female, has kids, expresses concern etc- they are still a stranger. However assertive do not give information out to identify you or a destination and stay away. Ask uniformed staff for help if it carries on.

Trixiefirecracker · 26/04/2023 08:08

Around here lots of children get the train to school from that age, it’s very common.

Flowersun6 · 26/04/2023 08:13

MopsySmithe · 26/04/2023 07:29

I think the 11 and 10 year old would be fine in this situation. The 10 year old would be responsible for themself at this age. They are being out on the train and collected off the train and would have contact with a parent throughout the journey...

There's no signal on the trains half the time. The journey is incredibly long. For those who are saying its normal for school children to take the train it clearly is area dependent.

This certainly isn't the norm in the city I live. Is that how long a train usually takes to get to school 1 hour?

OliveOilly · 26/04/2023 08:17

My kids, now adults, used to tease me that I was the world's most protective mother.

But even I feel shocked at how 'nannying' the world has come and I expect many posters here are young parents.

I was walking a mile to school on my own at 7. It was alongside a busy-ish local road with a 'lollipop lady' at the end as I had to cross that road. I did it 4 times a day- morning, home for lunch and back, and home time. Sometimes my Mum would walk with me.

Now, where I live, parents are driving their kids to school, when the distance is little more than half a mile from one end of the town to the school. The kids build no resilience or road sense.

IME girls are more mature than boys at this age.

It also depends on what type of train. An intercity train where it won't stop within the hour is different to a local train stopping 4 times in an hour, with doors opening and people getting off.

The OP hasn't told us much but on balance, I feel they'd be okay if they are mature.

As PPs have said, in commuter belts, children are getting trains at that age to go to school and it's just part of normal life.

Walkaround · 26/04/2023 08:17

Not a yes/no answer, but a depends. Depends on the personalities and maturity of the specific children; time of day; day of week; time of year; whether it’s a route other young people will or may be taking at that time of day; what the route is; the children’s familiarity with the journey and when to get off; how well the children get on; whether phone reception actually works all the way along the route if an issue arises…

OliveOilly · 26/04/2023 08:19

@Flowersun6 A one hour train journey is not long! At 13 my DCs were taking a 3 hr journey to see family in another part of the country. I'd talked to them about all the possible things that might go wrong and how to get help. And this was before the days of mobiles.

BellePeppa · 26/04/2023 08:21

I wouldn’t be happy about them being responsible for another child. I personally wouldn’t do it. If it’s just an hour can’t an adult go with them and just come straight back when they’ve met the other adult? I’ve done that before.

Yerroblemom1923 · 26/04/2023 08:21

The 11yr old catching a train alone is fine. How old is the younger child he has to be responsible for? If the little one is 2 or 3 and likely to run onto the tracks or something equally dangerous then no, this isn't a good idea

Littlewhitecat · 26/04/2023 08:22

If it's a regular school route so there are lots of other kids not a problem. My kids have been doing this since year 7. Any problems with public transport and the older school kids tend to help the younger ones. The issue I have like lots of other posters is the reference to looking after a 10 year old. I was the oldest in my family and from about the age of 5 I was expected to act responsibly because I was the oldest and because I'm a girl (and therefore more sensible FFS). I hated it. 11 year olds should only be looking after themselves if they are on their own in public.

Flowersun6 · 26/04/2023 08:25

OliveOilly · 26/04/2023 08:19

@Flowersun6 A one hour train journey is not long! At 13 my DCs were taking a 3 hr journey to see family in another part of the country. I'd talked to them about all the possible things that might go wrong and how to get help. And this was before the days of mobiles.

A 1 hour journey is long in OP case. Admittedly I don't live where this is common. I don't think there's use in talking about what you did "in your day". Times are totally different NOW.

caringcarer · 26/04/2023 08:28

An 11 year old possibly, with a younger child with them no. If one needs the toilet they get split up.

weightymatters73 · 26/04/2023 08:29

Oldest DS, was a no at 11, started using the train at 12.5... had to collect him twice from random stations where the train had diverted as he couldn't find his way back and once from London as he hadn't got off the train and panicked and got lost. He once had to phone me as he couldn't find his way out of a station, again missed the stop and got off at the next one. He is dyslexic but no other issues.

Youngest DS, went a couple of times with his brother at 10 and happily went on his own when DS1 was sick (about 10 1/2). Has no issues with train reroutes and gets himself home. Has never missed a stop.

Different kids, different answers!

FrenchandSaunders · 26/04/2023 08:30

I think it’s fine at that age if they are sensible and have a phone.

Talk through the journey and make sure they know exactly what the plan is, even if you think it’s basic stuff.

I remember one of my DDs going off on the bus shopping with a new year 7 friend ….. she rang me a couple of hours later to say they were in the bus to come home but she didn’t recognise the area … they had got on the bus at the same stop they got off it, so obv heading in the wrong direction to home. It didn’t occur to me to tell her to cross the road 🤣

Highfivemum · 26/04/2023 08:31

This is one of those questions we no definite answer. All DC are different. What is down for one child is not fine for another. I have an 11 year old and they are certainly not ready to do an hour train journey alone. However I have a 8 year old that would be confident enough to do this. ( wouldn’t let them as too young ) we all have to consider our own DC a as we all know them the best.