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Original poster

To think 11 is not too young to travel on a train alone?

627 replies

Tellmeifimwrong · 25/04/2023 13:20

Please settle a debate! Happy to hear all opinions.

Is 11 years old, starting y7 in Sept, too young to take a one hour train journey, without parents but with a slightly younger child? Put on at one end by an adult and met at the other end by an adult, with a phone and data, and train staff informed? No behavioural problems or SEN.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
OliveOilly · 26/04/2023 08:34

Flowersun6 · 26/04/2023 08:25

A 1 hour journey is long in OP case. Admittedly I don't live where this is common. I don't think there's use in talking about what you did "in your day". Times are totally different NOW.

Show quote history

Times are indeed different in so much as kids have phones and can call for help. Whatsapp works even if the train has no other network signal.

There is a lot of point talking about what children did, because it shows how over-protective some parents have become, in most cases it's detrimental. People assume that everything was less dangerous years ago but that's simply not true. There has been no rise in child murders or assaults, year on, at all. Most of these happen with family / extended family.

How do you know the 1 hour journey is 'long in the OP's case'? Has she said that?

Children where I am are catching trains at 11 and a journey to school on a stopping train can be 45 minutes. Many are with friends, but not all.

Teateaandmoretea · 26/04/2023 08:35

My daughter did exactly this alone from 12.

I think you need to consider what would happen and how they would cope if something didn’t go to plan. Trains regularly break down, get stuck behind others, are held for significant periods of time because of cows on the line, a lorry’s hit a bridge etc etc etc.

I wouldn’t let dd2 now who is 11 and about to go to secondary. They change massively when they start secondary, so an 11 year old in year 6 isn’t as worldly wise as one in year 7.

Natsku · 26/04/2023 08:36

An 11 year old and a 10 year old together, assuming they get on alright and are sensible, should be fine for a one hour train journey. Better than a bus in some ways as easier to see which is the right stop to get off.
I took the slow bus to the city early one morning once and it was constantly stopping to pick up little children in rural areas to go to school, certainly younger than 10 and 11.

vivainsomnia · 26/04/2023 08:37

Mine did it at 11 and 8. No issues at all.

Teateaandmoretea · 26/04/2023 08:37

Times are indeed different in so much as kids have phones and can call for help. Whatsapp works even if the train has no other network signal.

Hmmm, there are some proper black spots and Wi-Fi doesn’t always work on trains.

NickL22 · 26/04/2023 08:42

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 25/04/2023 13:22

There is a thread like this everyday.

11 is plenty old enough to get the train themselves, unless you haven’t raised them to be independent.

Not really the point is it, even a responsible child can't control what other adults do, plus being in charge of a younger child too!

I've been on a train and been concerned about the behaviour of some very strange people, maybe drunk, maybe drugs I don't know....but I could never put two children that young on a train on their own. Its not about trusting them, it's about not trusting others 😒

SchoolTripDrama · 26/04/2023 08:42

I certainly wouldn’t allow that! The argument that “we all did when we were that age” is, to me, null & void, as times have changed considerably.
Dangers are (seemingly) more prevalent today. Yes, of course they still had predators, abductors/child murderers & probably still had traffickers back in the 80s. However I would say that in my opinion, there’s a LOT higher risk of these dangers today (especially child trafficking, which don’t kid yourself - this is EVERYWHERE, even in small towns) based just on the increased population as well as other factors.
Yeah I may just be paranoid but I’d rather that than the alternative 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hedjwitch · 26/04/2023 08:44

This reminds me of the time my sis abroad sent her 3 young kids to us and grandma for Christmas as she was due to give birth to number 4 and there were some complications. Niece was about 10 with two younger brothers. They flew so were fully escorted and were brought out at the airport for me to " sign" for them. As I took responsibity and prepared to go,niece said very calmly " One minute Auntie Hedj,let me check. She then solemnly counted aloud' 3 suitcases,yes,3 passports yes, 3 backpacks yes,one doggy ( stuffed toy) yes...and 2 brothers,yes. Ok, got everything"

Teateaandmoretea · 26/04/2023 08:44

I don’t agree that there are more predators etc. I think it’s just more are caught and we know more about what happens.

NickL22 · 26/04/2023 08:46

AlisonDonut · 25/04/2023 13:30

Once?
Once a week?
Once a day?

At midnight? Peak hours? Weekends?

What route?

at 9pm between two rival football towns on a tuesday night is going to be a different journey than midday with zero stops inbetween for example.

Nobody can tell you if they are likely to be safe, it isn't them that are the issue - it is the people they could encounter on the journey.

What are the parents doing that is more important than making sure their two kids are safe?

This ^^

midgemadgemodge · 26/04/2023 08:46

11 is fine for short trips with drop of /collection

Being responsible for a 10 year old isn't

Dangers are LESS than previously
What you have is constant reporting

Dangers are far greatest in your home and the homes of friend

SchoolTripDrama · 26/04/2023 08:46

WeBuiltThisCity · 26/04/2023 08:06

My son has always been small for his age and looks a bit younger. When alone his only concern/ things he hates and happens repeatedly is people who stop him and approach him out of concern.
For example yesterday a woman stood in front of him and asked him if he knew where his mum was, he said ‘I’m fine thank you’ and tried to walk around. She apparently side stepped and said ‘where is she?’. I’ve now told him to get firmer in this situations and say ‘I’m fine, I know where I am going and so does my family. Please don’t delay me’. She apparently followed a few steps asking again, he had to say he did not want to share information with a stranger and could she please stop and leave him alone.
He’s had people try to stop him leaving places like the library, or asking him to go with them for help. Always women so far. They risk delaying him missing connections or just are tricky to deal with. It’s quite intimidating. I’ve witnessed how pushy one woman was when I turned up to meet him at an arranged space. She then started to tell me off my 12 yr old was alone in a busy railways station and list dangers. Drum into your child it’s ok to be ‘rude’, people can ask questions but they are not entitled to personal information for answers. Give them a stock reply and say to walk off. It’s amazing how many people will try to force a child to stay with or follow them or give information to them after the child has confirmed they are ok. Doing so can make the child late, miss trains and it’s really hard to deal with older assertive women for children. They are so trained to obey.
We’ve found its by far the most common tricky situation to face, so address it directly. Even if a stranger is female, has kids, expresses concern etc- they are still a stranger. However assertive do not give information out to identify you or a destination and stay away. Ask uniformed staff for help if it carries on.

My god. The only person being unreasonable in this story is you for allowing a 12yr old to travel alone! WTAF?! Why on EARTH is he getting ‘connections’ at his age? Are you trying to get him abducted????? Jesus Christ

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 26/04/2023 08:47

Yes, at 11 they are far too young. There are a lot of bad people out there in plain sight.

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 26/04/2023 08:48

NickL22 · 26/04/2023 08:46

This ^^

Show quote history

Probably parents who are being pressured to go back to working in the office.

midgemadgemodge · 26/04/2023 08:48

Bad people in plain sight on a train?

More likely by far in school or a sports group

And significantly more likely at home , with the nice guy in your family or with friends families

SchoolTripDrama · 26/04/2023 08:51

Teateaandmoretea · 26/04/2023 08:44

I don’t agree that there are more predators etc. I think it’s just more are caught and we know more about what happens.

Nonsense! Of course there are more, our population is astonishingly higher than it was in the 80s for a start! No I’m not anti-immigration at all but easy immigration laws will have had an effect of the amount of predators in the country almost certainly! Travel is cheaper (trafficking), the internet has made it easier/more tempting for paedophiles to groom young children and they of course are also a risk to all children. It’s really not hard once you actually think about it

ProbablyDogNappersHunX · 26/04/2023 08:51

So long as the children are sensible enough to remember where to get off, have been on a train a few times before, and there's no changes, then I wouldn't be worried.

But some people have very different attitudes. I've never forgotten when I was 17 and went to a university open day by myself by train; it was about 3 hours away. I bumped into someone I knew from school who was shocked I'd made such a journey alone. We were 17!

Rewis · 26/04/2023 08:52

I think 10 yo and 11 yo are totally fine raking a train assuming they've been on a train befire and this is not the first time they are without their parents.

I see kids in trains and coaches all the time going to visit the other parent who is waiting at the platform.

OliveOilly · 26/04/2023 08:53

NickL22 · 26/04/2023 08:42

Not really the point is it, even a responsible child can't control what other adults do, plus being in charge of a younger child too!

I've been on a train and been concerned about the behaviour of some very strange people, maybe drunk, maybe drugs I don't know....but I could never put two children that young on a train on their own. Its not about trusting them, it's about not trusting others 😒

Show quote history

That's right - you can't predict what other people will do, but at some point in their lives children have to learn how to react to anything threatening.

Children are at a far greater risk if they are not exposed to any risks at all.

I think in this case, I'd do a trial run with the kids- sitting in a different part of the train on the same journey or a shorter one - and seeing how they behaved. Then allow them to do it on their own.

hereiamagainn · 26/04/2023 08:53

Tellmeifimwrong · 25/04/2023 13:55

Ok next question as it doesn't seem clear cut from answers on here. Is this unthinkable and neglectful parenting, or is it just something that you personally wouldn't choose to do but see it as vaguely acceptable?

Surely the point is not “will other people judge me” but “Is my child is mature enough for this”.

Robinni · 26/04/2023 08:57

If it was going to secondary school with lots of other school kids, and crucially, older school kids, with school pick up at other end, then yes.

1hr journey with no supervision and responsibility for a younger child, definitely not. 11 is too young.

IVbumble · 26/04/2023 08:58

Nothing to do with trains but just to show 11 yr olds might not be mature enough to assess risk & what type of risks are out there.

My friends 11 yr old was in a local Sainsbury - they were at the checkout when my friend asked her daughter to nip and get some tomatoes. Whilst getting the tomatoes a man came up to her and said that her mum had gone but told him to collect her. She ignored him & went back to the checkout where her mum was.

The daughter never mentioned this at time or days after & not until they were watching a TV progamme about something similar. During the telling of the incident the daughter said 'I thought he'd got confused & he was thinking he was my grandad'

Later on it came to light that there was an older man targeting that Sainsbury trying to entice youngsters into the disabled loo.

anotherside · 26/04/2023 08:59

It’s all relative really. Depends on the personalities of the children involved. At the end of the day it’s sitting on a train for 20 minutes, not a trek through the Himalayas. I’m sure it’d be fine as a one off.

Needmorelego · 26/04/2023 09:00

@SchoolTripDrama why do you think "getting connections" is something a 12 year old shouldn't do?
If it's a school journey (the writer of that post didn't specify what type of journey it was) could easily involve a change of trains. For example if I needed to get to a specific school near me I would need to take a 3 minute train journey from one station to another, then change to another train and it's another 2 stops (and a journey of about 7 minutes).
So total time on the whole journey would be about 15 minutes including the changing of trains.

PrettyMaybug · 26/04/2023 09:02

anotherside · 26/04/2023 08:59

It’s all relative really. Depends on the personalities of the children involved. At the end of the day it’s sitting on a train for 20 minutes, not a trek through the Himalayas. I’m sure it’d be fine as a one off.

OP said an hour, not 20 minutes. Huge difference.