To think 11 is not too young to travel on a train alone?

[Tellmeifimwrong]

Please settle a debate! Happy to hear all opinions.

Is 11 years old, starting y7 in Sept, too young to take a one hour train journey, without parents but with a slightly younger child? Put on at one end by an adult and met at the other end by an adult, with a phone and data, and train staff informed? No behavioural problems or SEN.

Its a real problem amongst young people these days. And very apparent when they first go to university. Teenagers / young adults are world's apart from past generations. In generally not a positive way.

And she coped with it well by the sound of it. Well done to your dd.

The issue with waiting too long is children don’t build up age appropriate experiences and then understandably are anxious when they have to do it.
My dc is 17 and has several friends whose parents don’t let them get a train to a city an hour away. Yet they will be living away for Uni in 16 months.
Obviously a middle ground somewhere and very much depends on child.

@AskMeMore do you not think this has more to do with social media and crippling expectations that are placed on children now? In terms of how they should appear, be cool, attain highly, have instagram perfect lives… it’s a lot of pressure.

No I just couldn’t see me letting my child do that - I would be too nervous.

Yea but not responsible for another child. Who are going to hold accountable if the younger child misbehaves. 11 is too young for that I feel

My experience is some children are very much in a bubble, chauffeured by car door to door so what I would class as normal sights and sounds petrify them. We have had to take into account planning trips/RA.

@Dixiechickonhols I honestly don't think an extraordinarily rare event like that should be taken into consideration! Well done to your dd, though-she obviously rocks!

@Robinni its clearly a factor.

So stopping them being out and about means they are on their phones more in their rooms. So more anxiety than those who have more independence.

The two things aren’t completely separate.

Well I know I was a child in the dark ages, but I was travelling across the country on trains on my own at that age, with the journey carefully worked out and written down for me by my dad. I was amazed to discover that my brother (6 years younger) at that age had never travelled by himself, being the youngest. And I’m quite sure there were lunatics and pedophiles around in those days too. Independence and street smart has to be learned

@Tellmeifimwrong I don’t know if I feel “keeping them in” is the issue.

If you prevent them from roaming the streets and all you do is let them vegetate in their rooms unsupervised on social media then you’re absolutely right.

If you let them play in the garden, at the park, organise play dates, hobbies, activities, interact with them to do games/arts and crafts/cooking/chores and limit their screen time/have safe guards then that is different.

It isn’t just a matter of open the front door and let them out or keep them closeted in their rooms on the internet. There’s something in between called parenting.

An 11 year old shouldn’t have to look after another child.
Yes lots of children travel to school by train.

No I’m not saying don’t because of that just makes us smile when it’s a what’s the worse that could happen. I’d run through every scenario or so I thought!

She was fine but some would have been very distressed, you know your own child.

Actually, one of the most important factors is whether the 11 year old wants to do it. At this age there should be absolutely no pressure on him to do it if he's not happy to.

Now that is a bit of a nightmare. But it was a nightmare for everyone, age had no impact.
And I can well imagine that if something disastrous happened adults would look out for two young kids who appeared to be alone.

Aye of course the day after babies turn 6 months they start eating steak and chips, with apple pie for pud - bin the bottles.

Aye a kid at 11 & 11 months needs to hold mums hand to cross the road.
I But at 12 they can do it without mum being anywhere insight.

Fuck no.
Telling the train staff does fuck all either.
I remember when I was younger reading a news article about a young woman raped in the aisle and people just turned there children away and their backs.
Nothing to stop someone untoward taking your children to the toilet or away at the station.
I was abused by a woman on a plane travelling as a single child when the staff new I was on my own. I needed help and they asked if I was ok but I needed them to take me away and I said I was fine.

@OrangeRock I have never read of that rape on the train. Do you have a link? That would be front page news.

@Robinni Thanks for your kind words. I blame myself for not responding more appropriately but I don't regard myself as a victim at all. I was new, in a big city and wasn't aware that men did this kind of thing in public on buses. And for a while as the bus was swaying, I thought it was innocent. He clearly had done this before as he was wearing a heavy coat, and that as the bus took corners it could look innocent, that he was brushing up against my arm on the aisle. For me, it was a learning curve and I now sit by the window on trains or buses. And I'd speak up if anyone tried it on.

I remember when I was younger reading a news article about a young woman raped in the aisle and people just turned there children away and their backs.

I really don't believe this as fact. Raped on a train in broad daylight and people just watching?

As for the child being taken to the toilet by a stranger, children are supposed to learn about 'stranger danger' and shout or scream for help if anyone approaches them like this.

The most vulnerable time I think in public for both sexes is 15-25 years old. This is when sexual harassment and being a victim of violence is at its peak. It is also the time when all young people/adults are out in the world by themselves. We have to prepare them to deal with the world. Most adults have a few bad experiences, but the nearly all of them come through okay.

Hello, victim-blaming! Stupid kid should have yelled and screamed instead of freezing in fear.

I tried to search it too, the only rape on a train that came up was a woman at 11.30 at night.

Now I can't imagine the Op is intending that these kids travel at that time of night. And again this is where safety in numbers comes into it.
A lone 11 yo is more vulnerable to a stranger attack than an 11 & 10 yo travelling together.

I also do not believe the woman raped in the aisle of a busy train.

If a child on a train would just follow a stranger to the toilet, then they should not be out unsupervised. That is not victim blaming, but that child obviously has not been taught the most basic independence skills.

11.30pm at night is believable. The very last late night trains can be more dangerous. If I have had to get a very late train I always very careful about where I sat and what train I took.