To think 11 is not too young to travel on a train alone?

[Tellmeifimwrong]

Please settle a debate! Happy to hear all opinions.

Is 11 years old, starting y7 in Sept, too young to take a one hour train journey, without parents but with a slightly younger child? Put on at one end by an adult and met at the other end by an adult, with a phone and data, and train staff informed? No behavioural problems or SEN.

At 10 years old I got on the wrong bus. When I realised I got off but did not know where I was. I was painfully shy and did not talk to the driver. I looked at the bus timetable in the shelter and managed to figure out how to get home. It wasn't rocket science.

• children under the age of 12 are rarely mature enough to cope in an emergency and should not be left at home alone for a long period of time

Define long period of time?

Do they mean an hour, an afternoon, do they mean all day 8-6pm, 12 hrs, 24hrs?

I do have to laugh at the idea thar kids suddenly mature and grow up on their birthdays 🎂 🥳 .

Bang your suddenly 12 I can leave you all day having never left you alone for 30mins before.

Exactly it's not rocket science.
And I'll assume your vintage enough not to have had a mobile phone / computer in your pocket - with access to the Internet and everything!

You cannot plan for every scenario, and you can't make them suddenly teenagers.

@Sugarfree23 do you also laugh at the idea that children should start eating solid food at 6m, potty train at 18-24 months, start school around age 5 etc. i.e. when they are developmentally ready.

@Sugarfree23 Late fifties, so no phone. It is things like this that build confidence. I learned that I could manage if I got on the wrong bus. I was also taught if lost or in any problems to ask for help from staff, then adults who had children with them, or if none around a woman without a man with her.

Can someone please tell me what could happen to these children if they are puton a train in broad daylight and met at the other end?

People saying they went on trains when they were younger etc, the world is not the same place it was 40 years ago, yes the tech maybe better but the people are worse, is it a risk for a 11 year old yes!! they are a minor.

i would like to know why would a parent take the risk? Just hold out a few more years

@Robinni Actually tiny amounts of food should be introduced from 4 months. It is officially 6 months because otherwise some parents start giving large amounts of food too early. Most developmental milestones are actually gradual steps to get there, instead of a cliff edge. So potty training, when I was a nanny we bought potties before 18 months and encouraged kids to sit on them so they got used to them. If they see them as a seat it makes toilet training easier.

@organisedmother I think the world is safer now than in the past.

No it isn't nonsense at all.

It's your perception. Population increase just leads to proportionately the same number of weirdos.

People aren't worse at all.

@Robinni
I don't think that you or I were to blame for being approached by these men. But now, I blame myself for not calling him out at the time.
I sat on the bus until it was time for my stop. Partly as I was unsure if it was really what I thought. Now, I'd call out a man if they did that and not care if the entire bus heard me. So I do blame myself for being afraid of speaking up.

i would like to know why would a parent take the risk? Just hold out a few more years

There are risks everywhere in life. We all take risks every day of our lives, even you. You just take the additional ones of passing unhealthy anxiety onto your children, why would you take that risk?

I said no to this earlier in the thread fwiw but some of the hysteria is mad. Someone even described it as neglect just totally and utterly ridiculous.

I knew ASD would be brought up. I have a 12 year old that, as long as he communicates well, is allowed to travel all over the tube network alone. Very mature and can deal with tricky incidents. Even if short.
Their sibling with asd at the same age has never been to the corner shop 4 doors away as it wouldn’t be safe. I don’t trust unobserved on side roads.
You parent according to need, not age.

It depends on the child. I was did an hours train journey twice a day with a change of trains from my 11th birthday to get to school and back. I made my own way to and from the station at the school end.

My sister would have ended up In Inverness on the first day.

For me the age mine have gone out alone is pretty much the age I am confident they can say no to adults and will shout in public if necessary. Mine could at 10/11 be ‘rude’ and disobey tricky adults.

There’s a massive range of development at this age though it is very much a judgement call by the parent. I’m a Guide leader, girls age 10-13. Some I’d have no hesitation if I was their mum, some I’d not trust out alone. It doesn’t correlate to age either. We had them on a trip to a big city and had them buddied up older and younger (with adult leaders too) and had to switch some as older needed more care than younger. Some girls who appear sensible in group got very upset by some sights and sounds and needed a lot of reassurance.

I think you can cover enough scenarios to make sure they have the skills to deal with most of it. Or you can keep them locked up at home safe with you if you prefer to keep your children fearful, anxious and incapable.

@OliveOilly you absolutely 1000% should not be blaming yourself, not one iota. You were minding your own business when unexpectedly were brushed by a man’s erection in a public place.

The fact that this happened was shocking, you’d doubt it had happened, and fear/shock silences.

Literally you have nothing to reprimand yourself for. The blame lies with the man who assaulted you - entirely.

As for how you would react if you were assaulted again. You don’t know how you’d react. Yes we all like to think we’d be able to shout and scream. But this isn’t always possible when you’ve just been assaulted.

Stop reproaching yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. You reacted entirely normally to a frightening and upsetting situation.

There are risks everywhere in life. We all take risks every day of our lives, even you. You just take the additional ones of passing unhealthy anxiety onto your children, why would you take thatrisk?

I guess they're a product of their own childhood. And it shows, particularly in many young adults today.

Yes those are the only two options of course.

What do you do to make your 11 year olds become capable individuals who are able to assess and manage risk on their own then?
What options do you provide them to develop their independence?

Has anyone noticed the massive rise in anxiety amongst young people? Anxiety limits life and is a real impediment to a happy life.

I posted my example first page (with link) of man on train making terrorist bomb threats/bag with wires and dc having to jump on tracks and hide and wait for hours until police/bomb disposal cleared scene. We are in rural Lancashire!
It was honestly the first time she had got train alone she was 13 I think. You couldn’t make it up. She was absolutely fine - followed adult who was evacuating carriage, stayed with some older ladies, phoned me etc but when people say what could happen well that did.