To think 11 is not too young to travel on a train alone?

[Tellmeifimwrong]

Please settle a debate! Happy to hear all opinions.

Is 11 years old, starting y7 in Sept, too young to take a one hour train journey, without parents but with a slightly younger child? Put on at one end by an adult and met at the other end by an adult, with a phone and data, and train staff informed? No behavioural problems or SEN.

Not in a million month of Sundays would I have put any of my children on a train at the age of 11, to travel on their own for an hour, with a younger child... (OR on their own for that matter.) It's very irresponsible parenting, and not something I would ever take part in and I would seriously judge anybody that did it.

I can't believe that roughly 4 in 10 of the posters on this thread have said they would do it and YANBU. I'm actually shocked to be honest with you. Especially as you are putting the 11 y.o. in charge of the younger child!

In answer to your question from 13.55 yesterday @Tellmeifimwrong it is definitely neglectful parenting IMO. It's also not up to other random adults on the train to check to see if your children (travelling on their own without an adult,) are OK, and look after them for you!

I have a similar problem.
I have to put my 15 year old and 16 year old on a plane. The 15 year old is too young to travel alone (Easyjet rules) , but can travel with the 16 year old 'looking after' her. We have told the 15 year old that she has to look after both of their passports and tickets, make sure they find the right gate and generally be in charge of everything. We don't trust the 16 year old not to loose things, miss the flight etc.
So it all depends on the kid.
They've both flown loads so know the routine at airports.

The younger child is 10 so there are only months difference in age.

Far too young. And with a younger child?? Never.

What if they were assaulted, intimidated, flashed at, pulled in to a toilet? Bullied?

A lot of local trains don’t even have guards anymore, and if they do they’re up and down the carriages. You’d be neglectful to do this.

I would put my 11 year old on a train for an hour with a parent at each end.
Judge all you like.

@midgemadgemodge Omg, all this “abuse only happens at home nonsense.”

To relate a story that happened to me. I was a young teen travelling on a train 2 hr journey. A harmless, old, lonely man sat beside me. And chatted about random stuff. All fine.

He gave me some spiel about being all alone in the world and with Christmas coming up he didn’t know what he would do. I was naive and said I would phone him to wish him a Merry Christmas.

When I did this a few weeks later, the conversation was normal for a minute or two. Then he started saying “tell me about the sex” and it was clear he was wanking off. I put the phone down.

My point is, if you think that perverts are confined to their own homes solely likely to appear within plain sight in the family circle or at sports clubs you are sadly mistaken.

They are on public transport, in supermarkets, walking past you in the street and perving on kids pictures on the school website. If you think they’re not, then you too are incredibly naive.

Where I live it's completely normal for 11 year olds to catch a train to school. If you feel your child is mature, enough it's fine.

@Tellmeifimwrong Are you coming back to this?

It's a hot topic but there is a lot we don't know.

Boys or girls?
Travelled on trains before?
Done this trip before with an adult?
Time of journey and train- Intercity with no stops or local trains with many stops?

Is it a 'jaunt' to see family and friends and not a school journey?

The whole point is children need to be prepared for the 'what ifs' along the way.

what if a stranger approaches you and says XYZ?
what if you feel ill?
do you know how to use the train loo?
what if the people at the other end are held up and late? Where do you wait?

I think the OP has enough 'Yes it's OK' answers to make them feel comfortable with the decision they have already made.

I personally can't see myself doing this - far too many variables, trains can be dangerous with no guards or staff , they can terminate, break down, get delayed..far too much to throw a simple A-B plan out of the window.

In a gang of four or five other school friends I may reconsider, safety in numbers, collective 'nouse' etc.

The other element to this is what if they muck about, are rude to people or are misbehaving? Nobody would know who the parents are or who to speak to about it?

I can’t abide it when people leave young children to go out and about and make them someone else’s responsibility.

An older child or adult could be assaulted on a train but you probably wouldn't say they shouldn't get one. What difference does the fact that they are 11 rather than a bit older make?

The 11yo wouldn't be safer without the 10yo, I don't know who said that or why, but i don't think the 11yo should be responsible for the 10yo. My dc would not have been sent without an adult on an hour long train journey at this age. They are responsible and sensible, but still children and I am not sure how they would cope if something went wrong. If you miss your stop at 14yo or jumped on the wrong train it won't cause a major panic. If you did the same thing at 10 or 11 would you cope?

Reading some of these posts, I can't believe people's terrors of the world. Yes, bad things happen, but they are rare and I refuse to live my life in fear of them or instill that idea that the world is a terrible place full of terrible people into my children.
It's no wonder mental health is shot to pieces.

I sent my boy on a train to Woking (just over an hour) when he was 12. It was very stressful even though he's a seasoned bus traveller. The train ran late and decided not to stop at Woking. This was his first trip ever.
He's done it again once since then without trauma but trains really take a bit of getting used to: signage, announcements, how to work doors, toilets. It's all new and different and there's no staff.
I'd say if you've done that trip with them several times then might be ok but know that most people in the country will be shocked and appalled and will report you. Also note that train companies generally have a minimum travel alone age of 12 and if they decide to enforce that you could be stuck. You are actually likely to run into legal difficulties particularly with a younger one being unaccompanied except by an 11yr old. They will attract attention.

I was travelling on a train for 20 minutes to the town for school at only just 11 - and before that I'd practised by using the train to go into town shopping.

I can't have been a lot older than that before I took the train across london to go to my nan's for half term on my own, and a few years more before I took my younger siblings!

If these are sensible kids, who are used to trains, and have a purpose and aren't likely to play up and have phones (unlike when I was a child) then I don't see the issue.

The UK is statistically safer than it was in the 80s and 90s, yet parental protectiveness has gone up into the stratosphere.

Give your kids some independence, people!

I'm in Japan, and yes, it's a very safe country, but kids typically start riding the train alone at 8 or even younger, as long as they are familiar with the route in question and it's a simple route and not rush hour. In the UK, if it was a reasonably sensible pair of siblings and they knew the route well, 10 and 11 is fine.

TBH you should not have phoned him. Did your parents never teach you about things like this? I'm sure that if you have spoken to your family about him they would have said you mustn't call him.

When I was at school some of the children took a train, some a bus, some cycled, younger than 11 too.

As said, sexual harrasment is a possibility

Sexual harassment is a definite possibility on a crowded school bus and in any mixed schools. I was groped by fellow pupils on the school bus several times at secondary school, and in the school corridor and in classrooms.

I will.

At age 12 I was sent to a boarding school. At the start of the first term my parents dropped me off at the school. For the second term I travelled by myself from Enfield to Ramsgate. I was very pleased with myself and boasted to the boy in the next bed about having travelled all this way alone. He looked at me as though I was nuts. I asked him if he had travelled alone to get here. "Yes" he said. I asked him where from. "Lusaka, Zambia." was the reply.

This thread has developed into a kind of competition as to who can think of the worst possible risks and scenarios!

These terrible things can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any age.

People have skewed ideas of risks. There are thousands of fatal road accidents every year, including pedestrians, so it's wonder any of us get into a car or go out!

The point is, you teach your kids how to behave in these situations and have a back-up plan if they need it.

I agree it's absolute bullshit that abuse only really happens at home/close to home. As @Robinni said

....if you think that perverts are confined to their own homes solely likely to appear within plain sight in the family circle or at sports clubs you are sadly mistaken.

They are on public transport, in supermarkets, walking past you in the street and perving on kids pictures on the school website. If you think they’re not, then you too are incredibly naive....

100% this. I will also add at the beach/seaside, and in arcades, and the like. Anywhere they can possibly find children, alone; they'll be there.

I live in London so my nearly 11 year old is fine with trains, but still worries about getting lost in the crowd at the London end. Between two local stations he would probably be fine but I would be wary as the trains have a tendency to terminate early or skip stations (including ours) if they're running late. I did wonder about this as he lives close enough to get the bus to his grammar school ( so far our practising has been with an adult but he does everything) but a lot of his classmates will get the train.
We started getting the train alone between my parents when I was 13 and my sister was 11, met at each end. I still panicked one time the train broke down and stopped early, even though all I had to do was wait for the next train at the station they stopped at. This was before mobile phones though.

I think lots of people are mentioning predators, but the imo major concerns would be far more basic: being able to decide what to do if a train is cancelled, getting the stop wrong, dealing with other passengers or if the other child plays up. I think the majority of 11yo could move away from most dodgy passengers and most will do some of the school journey on their own. Equally, I’d trust a child this age in a shop alone or similar where they’d also encounter people who potentially have issues. I think it’s unusual for an 11yo to not have those capabilities because secondary school usually comes with those responsibilities and experiences. Year 6 is the perfect time to practice with direct trains etc.

I do think an extra child might be an issue, but originally I’d thought much younger rather than 10yo, which really depends on the child themselves.