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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday turning into a group get together

115 replies

Privacylover · 25/04/2023 07:57

First time poster how would you deal with this. Thanks in advance. Due to go on first family holiday since before covid. Me39 wife 38 sons 12 and 10. Was really looking forward to it until wife invited MIL who has now booked flights and will be sharing apartment with us so boys have to share bedroom. Now informed friend of hers and her husband and kids I barely know are staying in next door apartment too. Any holidays we have been on we have always happily enjoyed each other's company. Am I being unreasonable to not be looking forward to it anymore.
Or am I not being unreasonable because she is inviting lots of people 🤷‍♂️

OP posts:
Embelline · 25/04/2023 07:58

I wouldn’t like this either OP. Did she discuss it with you beforehand? Have you told her you’re not happy? How are things otherwise?

SunnySaturdayMorning · 25/04/2023 08:00

YANBU. None of this should have been arranged without your consent.

Original poster
Privacylover · 25/04/2023 08:00

Thanks for reply. Was only informed after invitations were dished out . I thought everything else ok

OP posts:
Daffodilwoman · 25/04/2023 08:01

She should have discussed this with you before agreeing to any of it.

Ponoka7 · 25/04/2023 08:01

Do you pull your weight in regards to the kids, cooking and cleaning? She might not have had any control over the friend booking on. She should have discussed her Mum coming.

Original poster
Privacylover · 25/04/2023 08:03

All kids minding is shared . I cook, she cleans

OP posts:
jc12689 · 25/04/2023 08:03

YANBU that would be my idea of hell.

Nowvoyager99 · 25/04/2023 08:06

I would be absolutely furious. Have you asked her why she did this? I probably wouldn’t go.

ViviPru · 25/04/2023 08:06

YANBU. I ultimately plan and book all our holidays and enjoy trips like the one you’ve described but I’d never go ahead and arrange something without being completely sure that DH was as keen as I am. You should have been involved in these decisions.

TidyDancer · 25/04/2023 08:06

It's weird she did this without checking with you first to make sure you were both okay with it.

Who is funding the holiday? If it's your MIL I can perhaps understand that one a bit but it's odd otherwise.

Original poster
Privacylover · 25/04/2023 08:08

She said she only invited flippiantly not expecting them to take her up on it . Which I kinda understand. But I don't understand sharing exact location we are staying and exact dates

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 25/04/2023 08:10

Just to clarify - is it your wife who has invited extra people or your MIL?

Original poster
Privacylover · 25/04/2023 08:11

Wife done all inviting. Sorry if not clear

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 25/04/2023 08:14

I would be really pissed off. Even though I like DH’s parents, holidays together is an entirely different matter.

Original poster
Privacylover · 25/04/2023 08:16

Should also add its 2 week holiday

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 25/04/2023 08:20

I'd refuse to go. Sharing accommodation with the MIL against your will? Absolutely hell no. This is a huge breach of your privacy.

heldinadream · 25/04/2023 08:21

So you could say - OK, you've got plenty of company so I think I'll stay home it gives me a chance to clear out the garage/put those shelves up/knit myself a dressing gown of doom. Have a great break with your mum and friends! See ya in a couple weeks!
See what she says to that OP.

Original poster
Privacylover · 25/04/2023 08:22

heldinadream · 25/04/2023 08:21

So you could say - OK, you've got plenty of company so I think I'll stay home it gives me a chance to clear out the garage/put those shelves up/knit myself a dressing gown of doom. Have a great break with your mum and friends! See ya in a couple weeks!
See what she says to that OP.

🤣🤣🤣brilliant

OP posts:
CordyLines · 25/04/2023 08:27

If you are able to, go but book a "room with a view" separate to all of them close by. Mum and wife could share the marital bed and you can starfish by yourself in peace and tranquility, joining in when you feel like it.

Or maybe that would beckon divorce.

MichelleScarn · 25/04/2023 08:28

Absolutely unfair of her! Is it likely she's looking for a different type of holiday to you so rather than a family one, one where she can go 'out out' with mil and friend while you do childcare, or the reciprocal way where you look after friends kids one night while they go out and then they return favour.
I would be raging that mil is staying in my apartment on holiday and my privacy was lost.

Blizzard23 · 25/04/2023 08:28

In your place I would suggest your wife books MIL separate accommodation as a bare minimum, and you discuss from now on all future arrangements, and can’t just invite others!
Ot she actually says to MIL and friends maybe another year as it’s not going to work this holiday. Yes it’s awkward but she shouldn’t have invited them in the first place!

Justalittlebitduckling · 25/04/2023 08:29

She hasn’t respected your opinion at all. I think you need to have a conversation about it at least. Inviting your mother on a family holiday as an adult without discussing it with your partner first suggests there are some boundary/family dynamic issues.

GrumpyPanda · 25/04/2023 08:31

That does sound infuriating, and very exhausting too. Have you asked her about how she envisages this working on a practical level - will you all be in each other's laps with the friend or mostly everybody doing their own thing? Depends in part whether it's self-catered, also whether it's a beach holiday or more of a base for day trips.

Re the MIL, that's completely out of line. One may be a misunderstanding, but not this. Unless your wife has format for being a doormat with people and got badgered into it by her DM? Either way, difficult to reverse short of starting WW3.

daretodenim · 25/04/2023 08:35

YADNBU.

Are they all coming for the full 2 weeks? If it was 1 week that'd be annoying but a bit different. The full 2 weeks is not on. Especially as you presumably booked a place so the boys weren't sharing - I'm sure you could have got a2-bedroom place more cheaply than 3! . MIL def needs a separate place.

Namethischange · 25/04/2023 08:37

That would piss me off in a big way. My first reaction would be - enjoy your holiday, I'm staying at home! I'd probably moderate that to insist that wife finds separate accommodation for MIL at least. I wouldn't want to go though, sounds like my idea of hell.