Family holiday turning into a group get together

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First time poster how would you deal with this. Thanks in advance. Due to go on first family holiday since before covid. Me39 wife 38 sons 12 and 10. Was really looking forward to it until wife invited MIL who has now booked flights and will be sharing apartment with us so boys have to share bedroom. Now informed friend of hers and her husband and kids I barely know are staying in next door apartment too. Any holidays we have been on we have always happily enjoyed each other's company. Am I being unreasonable to not be looking forward to it anymore.
Or am I not being unreasonable because she is inviting lots of people 🤷‍♂️

I would tersely and with swear words tell her to change the plans back to what was mutually agreed or I wouldn't be going, or paying for any of it.

Do you get on well with the friends? Do all the kids get on?

Blimey, she should at least have discussed it with you. I’d be furious op.

I would absolutely lose my shit if a partner did this to me and I wouldn't go.

Is she expecting that you'll all hang out together every day?

OP I’d be furious and I wouldn’t go. Why has your DW booked this? Are there difficulties in your marriage which means she’s inviting MIL as a safety blanket?

My DB and his family and his BIL (his DW’s brother) have to go away separately with parents on holidays as the father is a paraplegic and the wife needs help/respite care on holiday. Why on earth they can’t book a carer to come along sometimes and help, I don’t know?! Has happened since FIL had a stroke in the DC’s early/mid 20s. It limits the destination too.

Anyway SIL (DB’s) wife is now pregnant so I think that might change dynamics going forward. DB had to go away with them recently, everyone got sick from parents and it was no fun including taxis for airport not taking wheelchairs. I think DB’s MIL is under some illusion that it’s fun for everyone but it really isn’t!

I'd be really annoyed too. I'd say it's your wife's responsibility to resolve the issue is the only way to sort it involves potentially offending people and it's likely you will look like the bad guy when actually your wife created the situation. Does she know your unhappy? Does she care?
Your options are-
Cancel hol
Don't go
Change hol
Ask to move rooms/hotel
Go and do day trips with kids
Go and make best of it
Uninvite mil/book another room for her
Book another room for yourself and (maybe) kids

Maybe OP wants to spend time with his children...

I would join them for the second week of the holiday, as your DW has company anyway.

Save a weeks annual leave. Have a clear conversation about discussing this stuff first.

Does your wife like spending time with you? Are these people her buffer system?

In your place I would be very upset.

But my husband and I are farcto respectful of each other for something like this to happen.

Your wife was very wrong.

Your MIL is a CF and I find it hard to believe this is a once off.

I would seriously consider cancelling or not going.

I would prefer two weeks peace on my own than this situation your wife has created.

I know for a fact my husband wouldn't go.

Up to your wife to sort this out.

Good luck.

The op hasn’t said they’re male but I agree with the sentiment.

Thanks for all responses. I have already pretty much decided I'll be going and try make the most of every day there whatever happens. I'm actually now more concerned for poor mother in law due to normally when getting up and out in mornings for day at pool\beach or in the evening for meals with us and boys showering bathroom tends to be door open and blurs of nude English reddened skin running around for an hour looking for sunscreen towels clean clothes etc . The woman might think twice before joining a holiday again 🙈🙈

Obviously she should have discussed it and you should have both agreed on any 'invites'.
Are your DCs friends with the other family's DCs?

Have you at least had a conversation with your DW and told her how out of order she's been and that this is NEVER to happen again?

If not, then you're being a complete doormat which makes for a very unhealthy relationship.

Does she override your wishes in other aspects of your life?

Oh shes aware its not going to be a regular thing. And to be fair it's out of character for her. Shes normally as far as I know or in my experience happiest in our own company. Not having to make small talk while on beach or sunbathing etc

But if that's how you holiday that's how you holiday, surely when asking/agreeing to join a family in their apartment on holiday she has to recognise she fits in with their holiday!

Your wife just invited her mother to stay in your apartment without asking you?

Wow, that's totally unreasonable behaviour. I would NEVER do that. My mum’s come on holiday with me before, but always agreed beforehand. It changes the dynamic completely. It might all be fine, but that’s not the point, you should have been consulted and able to say ‘fuck, no’ to this.

try to look on the bright side. The chances of cries of "i'm boooorrreeedddd" can be met with "off you trott to X next door"

or you can take it in turns to look after all the DCs for a day and go off exploring the area when you don't have all the DCs? that kind of thing.

Gosh I'd be furious but from what you've said she might have got carried away with the invitations and not thought it through. We've holidayed with others before (before family and friends) and it works best if you make it clear from the off that constant togetherness isn't on the agenda.

If you have now decided that you are going and will make the best of it, why not look on the extra people as readily available child riders and leave the kids with MiL while you and your wife have a few days off exploring/eating meals together in nice places/ drinking wine in nice bars or whatever you like to do on holidays.

It is unreasonable.
Your wife should have shared her idea first and maybe having MIL over for a few days might have been reasonable.
To have friends so close is weird but you can just agree with your wife to not spend lots of time with them and both do your own thing.
You can't not go; that would be petty.
You could, every single night, eat out alone with wife - or with wife and kids - and leave MIL to have an early night, every night.

That’s not okay at all 😩 It would be different if it had been planned for the other people to come from the start but to just invite other people with no discussion is not okay at all

Perhaps also make it clear that while there you’ll only join in with what you want to - so that you don’t find yourself pressurised into multiple group activities.

Hopefully, it’ll all go well and you’ll have fun. However, decisions were made about a family holiday that you had absolutely no say in so at least let her know that you’ll be giving yourself space to do your own thing if the group dynamic gets a bit much sometimes.

That would seriously piss me off. My husband wouldn’t do that, though.