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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family holiday turning into a group get together

115 replies

Privacylover · 25/04/2023 07:57

First time poster how would you deal with this. Thanks in advance. Due to go on first family holiday since before covid. Me39 wife 38 sons 12 and 10. Was really looking forward to it until wife invited MIL who has now booked flights and will be sharing apartment with us so boys have to share bedroom. Now informed friend of hers and her husband and kids I barely know are staying in next door apartment too. Any holidays we have been on we have always happily enjoyed each other's company. Am I being unreasonable to not be looking forward to it anymore.
Or am I not being unreasonable because she is inviting lots of people 🤷‍♂️

OP posts:

daretodenim · 25/04/2023 08:38

Or do you have friends you can invite: if it's a group anyway, then why not have some people you like there too!

mum11970 · 25/04/2023 08:38

I don’t have a MIL but would be raging if my DH invited someone to stay in our apartment with us. I could probably just about cope with friends in a neighbouring apartment. Unfortunately I don’t think there is anyway to deal with this other than suck it up or stay at home, now it’s all booked and paid for, however I would be damn clear I wouldn’t put up with it ever happening again.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 25/04/2023 08:40

Maybe you need to take up golf or cycling so you are gone for large parts of the day.

Scout2016 · 25/04/2023 08:40

I don't understand why she's done this. Are your kids and the other couples' kids friends? Is she thinking they'll be fun company for each other?
I would hate this OP, I am not a "the more the merrier" person.

Mayorquimby2 · 25/04/2023 08:43

Ponoka7 · 25/04/2023 08:01

Do you pull your weight in regards to the kids, cooking and cleaning? She might not have had any control over the friend booking on. She should have discussed her Mum coming.

It's good to make it his fault nice and early. 😂😂😂

That's an absolute dick move by your wife, I'd be livid.

Dulra · 25/04/2023 08:48

I would be fuming and tbh so would my kids they love "just us" holidays. I would tell her she has to uninvite them or you will be changing the dates for the holiday. You are right it is a completely different holiday now and you can not fully relax with mil there, doesn't matter how nice she is or how well you get on.

MrBit · 25/04/2023 08:49

Have you asked her why she didn't consult you?. I would rather stay at home if she's that disrespectful to how you'd feel

DogInATent · 25/04/2023 08:53

@Privacylover I foresee the opportunity to spend some quality time with your sons and leave everyone else to their house party. Maybe check the local angling rules where you're going and invest in three cheap fishing rods?

MorrisZapp · 25/04/2023 08:53

Ponoka7 · 25/04/2023 08:01

Do you pull your weight in regards to the kids, cooking and cleaning? She might not have had any control over the friend booking on. She should have discussed her Mum coming.

This is peak MN.

cingolimama · 25/04/2023 08:54

OP, that's awful. I do like group holidays sometimes, when it's agreed beforehand. But it's so so important to have just family time, and to snatch those moments of husband + wife time as well.

I would be furious, and maybe even pull out of holiday, and I would make my feeling very clear.

BreviloquentBastard · 25/04/2023 08:55

I'd be fuming if my husband did this, thankfully he's more antisocial than me so never would.

We holiday with my in laws once a year and my parents once a year, as well as having our own family holiday just the three of us, and the dynamics are so totally different. She's completely changed the "mojo" of the holiday for you as adults and for your boys as well by inviting her mother to third wheel.

I'm genuinely not sure what I'd do in this situation. Maybe insist on separate accommodation for MIL? Are you now also being expected to foot the bill for her or is she at least paying for her own flights/food/activities?

cpphelp · 25/04/2023 08:55

I'd be really cross if my husband did this. I'd hate to feel like I have to be 'on' at all times.
Can you ring the hotel and ask them to move your room? I know you're still sharing with your mother in law, but at least you can have a small bit of privacy from friends?

DrySherry · 25/04/2023 08:56

I would kindly and gently make the clear that next time it should be discussed before anyone invites anyone on holiday. Don't make a big thing of it and go and enjoy your break..

cpphelp · 25/04/2023 08:56

Also, how old are the friends kids?

WimpoleHat · 25/04/2023 08:58

Oh - I’d hate this. It completely changes the nature of your holiday; you have to be “on” all the time rather than just being able to kick back and relax. Awful of your wife to have done that unilaterally.

MichelleScarn · 25/04/2023 08:59

MorrisZapp · 25/04/2023 08:53

This is peak MN.

Show quote history

It wouldn't be MN without the standard desperate reach to make it the DHs fault somehow! 😆 awaiting the 'you sound abusive OP, why are you so keen to isolate her from family and friends?'...

Dibbydoos · 25/04/2023 09:01

My MIL came on our first 2 week holiday with us when our DD was 4mo. She stayed in our apartment. I also bought my DB and his wife a holiday as a wedding present, so they were in a diff apartment but with us for a week.

MIL was OK but then forgot a bag on the return flight and we had to wait fir 3 hours in cold with baby whilst she got it. This woman had been travelling the world since my DH was a baby on her own.

She never came again...

It could work like ours did, but we discussed it all. Your DW has gone native on you wtf!

fruitbrewhaha · 25/04/2023 09:02

Do you normally get on ok with MIL? Is she otherwise on her own? Is she normally helpful etc?

The friends, are the children friends? Having some friends can really make a holiday for kids. Your two will probably get on better if they have someone else to hang out with, or the four of them can play in the pool or at the beach. You can chose to have days just with the family. But MIL is trickier to leave behind for a day.

drpet49 · 25/04/2023 09:03

Your wife is completely out of order. I wouldn’t go.

FangsForTheMemory · 25/04/2023 09:03

Why can’t MIL sleep in the same place as the rest of her family? Am I missing something?

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/04/2023 09:04

No that’s really inconsiderate and I would be pissed off too. If people have invited themselves she should have put her foot down.

Topseyt123 · 25/04/2023 09:05

I'd be furious and would be telling her so. I'd be tempted to back out of going on the holiday and would also be telling her that.

She should not have agreed to any of this without ensuring that you were fully on board too.

FourTeaFallOut · 25/04/2023 09:14

I do think it changes the tone of the holiday quite dramatically and I'd be annoyed that it was altered unilaterally.

At the risk of being 'peak mn', I have to admit - I also wondered if she'd done this with the expectation that otherwise she'd be run ragged while the op kicked back. It's hardly an unusual state of affairs if the flood of holiday aibu's are anything to go by.

I wouldn't miss out on the holiday to prove a point, op. This sounds like the first holiday in a long time and I'm sure your kids would be gutted if you didn't join them to make your annoyance plain. It could be okay anyway - just not what you had in mind.

Topseyt123 · 25/04/2023 09:14

DrySherry · 25/04/2023 08:56

I would kindly and gently make the clear that next time it should be discussed before anyone invites anyone on holiday. Don't make a big thing of it and go and enjoy your break..

I absolutely would make a big thing of it, because it IS a big thing. OP's wife has been inconsiderate and disrespectful.

I would be furious if my DH allowed a holiday we had booked as a couple/family to be hijacked in any such way, especially if he had done the inviting and hadn't even mentioned it to me.

starfishmummy · 25/04/2023 09:18

DHs parents were into to big extended family holidays and I once said to DH "I go on holiday to get away from everyone, not to take them with me!!" Luckily he's happy with it just being us and ds.

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