Who is BU, me or my stupid bastard prick of a printer?

[DingsBum]

Jeez. One job. It has one job but somehow acts like it's massively put upon when called on to perform

Current issue: apparently it's got no colour ink. The colour ink light is flashing and obviously this means it cannot print anything at all ever.

a) it's got colour ink, I can see from the bloody app that the colour ink cartridge is 68% full

b) I don't even want to print in colour, just black and sodding white

c) it ORDERS ITS OWN INK so if there really is no colour ink then whose fault is that anyway, hmmmmm?? Not mine, you stupid HP arsewipe. This is most definitely a you problem

d) it has got fucking colour ink

Anyway in short, does a sub-£100 wireless printer exist, that just prints what you want it to when you want it to without throwing a massive shit fit on a regular basis? Why so compli

Ughh. I feel your pain. I have a lying attention seeking HP printer which was evidently Donald Trump in a previous life. Its just constant "untruths". EVERY SINGLE TIME. There's no paper. YES THERE IS. I trek downstairs and press ok without even touching the paper and it remembers there's paper and prints. It tells me its not connected to the same network as me (YES IT IS!) but sends me that message VIA WIFI!!

To be fair, I had to phone HP once on their "computer says no" helpline and they were fab. They were lovely. Just their bastard printer that isn't. It still lies to me and makes me go downstairs to remind it that it's got paper, but at least now it reorders ink when it needs to.

My HP printer stopped working after 2 months, had only printed 100 sheets max. They've replaced it, after I got a bit ratty on WhatsApp. But instant ink then sent me ink, which I didn't need, and now apparently has sent another one. So no idea what the printer thinks is going on! I'm also not going to be here for the second ink delivery.

We had an HP OfficeJet something or other. A most ill-tempered piece of apparatus. Printed when it felt like it, which was hardly ever. It developed a particularly fuck-you fault one night when I needed to print something important for a house move, and unfortunately it accidentally fell onto a concrete floor repeatedly, following which I went straight down to Argos and bought a cheaper which has been a lot more reliable.

I am still in deep mourning for my 18 year old Brother printer... pressed a button and it printed... pressed a button and it copied.....
I love(ed) that printer...
Died 5 years ago... life has never been the same...
Hoping the HP will die ... every day I hope it dies....

My kids can quite easily persuade my printer to print pages and pages of colouring sheets and other shit, but the second I actually NEED to print something important it throws a massive hissy fury, tells me it’s not connected to anything at all and then has a paper jam before deciding it doesn’t actually have any ink left anyway.

I'm another one with a totally useless HP instant ink printer. It claims to have plenty ink but refuses to actually use the black ink, apart from rare occasions when it comes out in a massive splodge.

Another person who gave up with a bastard HP Instant Print printer. And bought a cheap-ish black only laser.

Mine is telling me tonight that there is a paper jam. There’s no paper jammed anywhere. It’s just blatant gaslighting

I think my retirement job will be a printer delivery person. You need something printed but your printer has decided to go on strike, you call me and I’ll show up with a working printer and a laptop for your printing needs. I imagine I would pay for that service every 2 years or so when I need something printed and would gladly pay to avoid the aggravation. Clearly there’s a market for this service!

Mine will print something, it's been in a good mood lately, then a couple of days later I get a message that it can't print what it printed and do I want to cancel it. It recently claimed to be unable to print about 30 documents, some going back a couple of years!
It will also randomly forget the wifi password and it's a siod to put in, a tiny number/letter pad and a very long password!

really thick Greggs assistant
Oi, my lovely granddaughter works there at the weekend and she can tell so many stories about thick customers, such as the man who wanted one of his coffees with hotter water then stood with them confirm that 'this is the one with the extra-hot water'.

Printers are ALL universally twats

Hire a scribe.

Mine has been a bastard since we changed the Wi-Fi router and connection details the other week. I’ve finally sworn at it enough to be behaving again, but today the bloody work printer decided to randomly explore its Chinese identity and forget how to speak in English to us!

What's "thick" about wanting an extra hot coffee?

We are fortunate to have a local library that offers this service. 10p per page is money well spent!

Ink jets are rubbish. For me anyway, because sometimes I can go a long time without using the printer. So the (very) expensive cartridge jams up.

I got a HP color laserjet all in one. It allows you to print, scan, photocopy, all in colour. It's great. The cartridges are expensive, but most of the time I am not using colour anyway, and you can buy the black ones separately. I would not let kids loose on it because it could get pricey if they print out solid blocks of color.

If I wanted high quality photo prints I would send off via a web based photo service.

Lasers are just so much better. You just have to get over the cartridge price, which in the long run will cost a lot less than using ink.

Oh yeah, and never believe them when they say they are running out. My last black cartridge on the laser was "running out" for about 2 years. Just keep a cartridge spare and replace it when you (not the printer) thinks it is necessary.

Mine (small desktop HP printer) is wired into my bloody Mac. It’s next to it. It’s connected to the WiFi. The software is downloaded to the Mac.

can I get it to print. Can I fuck.

it will only print if I do it via my phone. Via bloody WiFi.

I have two other printers sat piled up ready to start the Printer Apocalypse. Spent far too long cleaning print heads etc for them to still not work. arseholes. It’s like they are a one shot and done device nowadays.

I had an Epson, I think, a few years back. Colour.

It would perform some choreographed dance routine backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, for 5 mins before it would start a print job.

Then would start on the 'low ink' whinge.

Gave me the furies.

Got a wireless Brother colour laser ... €200 in Ireland) and get replacement toner cartridges from 1,2,3 fairly cheaply. Had it some 4 years now and is my beloved office companion.