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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU, me or my stupid bastard prick of a printer?

144 replies

DingsBum · 25/04/2023 07:01

Jeez. One job. It has one job but somehow acts like it's massively put upon when called on to perform Angry

Current issue: apparently it's got no colour ink. The colour ink light is flashing and obviously this means it cannot print anything at all ever.

a) it's got colour ink, I can see from the bloody app that the colour ink cartridge is 68% full

b) I don't even want to print in colour, just black and sodding white

c) it ORDERS ITS OWN INK so if there really is no colour ink then whose fault is that anyway, hmmmmm?? Not mine, you stupid HP arsewipe. This is most definitely a you problem

d) it has got fucking colour ink

Anyway in short, does a sub-£100 wireless printer exist, that just prints what you want it to when you want it to without throwing a massive shit fit on a regular basis? Why so compli

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 25/04/2023 08:28

Off at the plug.

Take out all the cartridges then put them back in.

Bash it.

Flio the scanner lid up and down in frustration.

This was the usual practice with my HP.

In my strop with it I got into the car, off to the shop and bought the Epsom ink tank. Look, not gonna lie it has it's moments of being an utter arsehole, but it's much less of an arsehole than the sodding HP.

This one tells me it can't print, whilst printing and nonsense like that.

As an aside, I'm only on my 2nd black refill in two years of use.

Of course there is a downside though. Isn't there always. I had tk keep the sodding HP as it has multiple feed scanner which my Inktank does not. It's a small price to pay to gave to still look at it on my desk for the odd use, of course it still complains about everything whilst sitting there doing not a lot.

TeapotElephant · 25/04/2023 08:31

I read printer as partner and when you saturated saying ‘IT had one job’ I was really thrown!

LaPerduta · 25/04/2023 08:33

Printers are the reason that the word 'defenestration' was coined.

titaniumhip · 25/04/2023 08:44

I feel your pain. Probably use a printer once a year. So you'd think it would be in good shape! I spent the best part of a whole day trying to get the bastard to print a form. (Excuse my French. The experience is still raw). I'd bought new ink especially. DD tech wiz had made sure it was connected to Wi-Fi . And, the useless POS just lay there blinking at me. Ended up going to the place for them to print the forms and sign manually. Printers back in the cupboard when it should probably be in the bin. This threads reminded me I wanted to look into printers and what the newer ones are like nowadays . There has to be a better way!

RichardHeed · 25/04/2023 08:49

It’s always the fucking printer. I don’t understand how we have moved on so far in technology but home printers are still so useless.

Original poster
DingsBum · 25/04/2023 08:51

TeapotElephant · 25/04/2023 08:31

I read printer as partner and when you saturated saying ‘IT had one job’ I was really thrown!

I don't have one of those. If I did, I imagine it would piss me off as much as the printer does Grin

OP posts:
Rosula · 25/04/2023 09:03

My printer whinges to my desktop that it has an issue and can't possibly print. However, it's such a mystery issue that the troubleshooter can't find what it is.

Clearly my laptop has better printer discipline because the same printer doesn't dare refuse to print on instructions from the laptop, so I have to go through a complicated exercise of emailing desktop work to myself on the laptop and printing from there.

Villagetoraiseachild · 25/04/2023 09:12

This is why we have to save our libraries......

losingmymarblesagain · 25/04/2023 09:12

My little b&w laser printer is HP and has been brilliant. My canon inkjet is the reason I got the laser one. There must be a lot of money in ink.

gannett · 25/04/2023 09:13

My bastard HP refuses to print anything I ask it to and has thrown most of the dramatic meltdowns mentioned in this thread, so I try to ignore it as much as possible these days. Except it still makes its presence felt by deciding at random intervals to spew out random pages of its instruction manual, sometimes 10 at a time, despite no one asking it to do anything for the past two weeks. I once woke up at 3am to be greeted by an insistent clanking, and multiple copies of How To Use The Printer Wirelessly Without a Router.

losingmymarblesagain · 25/04/2023 09:14

Oh but I did have to use something other than the HP app because it was ridiculous, kept making me sign in just to print. I forgot that.

Original poster
DingsBum · 25/04/2023 09:19

gannett · 25/04/2023 09:13

My bastard HP refuses to print anything I ask it to and has thrown most of the dramatic meltdowns mentioned in this thread, so I try to ignore it as much as possible these days. Except it still makes its presence felt by deciding at random intervals to spew out random pages of its instruction manual, sometimes 10 at a time, despite no one asking it to do anything for the past two weeks. I once woke up at 3am to be greeted by an insistent clanking, and multiple copies of How To Use The Printer Wirelessly Without a Router.

Mine does this too. A 30 second power cut at 1am results in it clunking into life to print out an error report and a test page Hmm

But a deadline at 9am? Nah mate. Can't print. Sorrynotsorry.

OP posts:
Shodan · 25/04/2023 09:21

My HP randomly decides it's too delicate for the paper I've given it so chews it up and starts retching trying to spit it out. But it's the same paper I've always used?

It's like a toddler who insists it LOVES apple sauce until on day it suddenly decides applesauce is 'scustin'.

PrettyMaybug · 25/04/2023 09:23

YANBU. My printer/scanner(s) have reduced me to tears over the years. I AM NOT KIDDING. Tears of sheer frustration and anger as they spew out reams of blank paper, 'test pages,' and pages half printed, as the ink hasn't come out of the cartridge properly, (or WRONG pages, as I wanted page 2 and swear I picked page 2, and it prints page 1!!!) Also, many minutes go by where fuck-all happens and it just seems to go to sleep, and when I investigate, it says 'printer idle' ... WHYYYY? 😫

It gets me down so much that I don't use it much now, I just email and whatsapp documents, and takes copies of documents with my phone or camera. Can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I have used my printer/scanner this decade. If anything actually NEEDS printing out, (which is rare, maybe 2 or 3 times a year,) I get DH to do it at his workplace. I WFH so don't have the luxury of several workplace printers. (Printers that are much better quality/more expensive than mine!!!)

Since I started using PCs/laptops (and printers!) 30 years ago, I have never EVER come across a printer that works really well, all the time, every time. Not even at work. I mean, my own printers have always played up more, but work printers were/are a pain sometimes too. They have played up, had flaws and faults, and pissed me off at least 50% of the time. In 30 years of using them, they have NEVER improved.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 25/04/2023 09:26

BruceAndNosh · 25/04/2023 07:29

My printer works perfectly as long as long as the print job is unimportant.
Urgent print jobs are a different matter.
How does it know?

It has a Critical Need Detector, which is a kind of poltergeist, I think.

Percypiglover · 25/04/2023 09:27

My DH works in IT doing complicated stuff that my brain struggles to fathom and he always says that 'printers are a dark art'. He can often be found swearing at ours !!!

TooRightM8 · 25/04/2023 09:27

Thing is you'll finally get it working and then the one page you have to print will jam somewhere in the printer and you will try to pull the paper out and it will shred in your hands and then you'll try to pull the remaining bits out gently with both hands, coaxing it or swearing as you go but it won't work so you'll have to take the printer apart and then you won't be able to put it back together <breathe>

squishee · 25/04/2023 09:31

Printer rage therapy here:

Lillygolightly · 25/04/2023 09:39

I once saw a something that relates to this that gave me a giggle, it went something like this…..

Rage against the machine never specified which particular machine they were furious with, but I reckon it was probably a printer!

xyxygy · 25/04/2023 09:54

I've worked in IT for 25 years. In that time, there has been one common thread amongst all the techs I've worked with: nobody ever wants to take a ticket which has the word "printer" in it.

Hateful machines designed to suck your day into oblivion, whether you're the one who wants to use it or the one who needs to fix it.

Honestly, my 3D printer works more reliably than any paper printer in the house. One of these is supposed to be a mature technology, and one is supposed to be for experimental hobbyists. It shouldn't work that way.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 25/04/2023 09:57

Printers are all bastards, it doesn't matter if you spend £30 or £300 they all cock about refusing to print when you need them to. I can't turn mine off because if I do it loses the Wi-Fi settings and then I have to go through the 83 steps to reconnect it which sometimes work but not always.

Florissante · 25/04/2023 10:03

Printers are the cats of the IT world.

Aposterhasnoname · 25/04/2023 10:05

Set it to print 50 copies, it’ll start spitting them out and no amount of bashing the cancel button will stop it until it’s used up you’re entire pack of paper.

Gingernaut · 25/04/2023 10:11

HP owner here.

Both the printer and the computer aren't talking to each other

Neither will recognise the other, like they've had a falling out and won't tell me why.

Don't get me started about the ink cartridges

Tessisme · 25/04/2023 10:45

No help here but your OP made me 🤣🤣

Our printer resides in a dark cupboard. I hate it. And it hates me. Every now and then DS1 asks to print something for school and I suddenly find very pressing stuff to do - like sandblast the oven door or reorganise the freezer - and I wave my hand vaguely in the direction of said cupboard. Then I'm outta Dodge.

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