Who is BU, me or my stupid bastard prick of a printer?

[DingsBum]

Jeez. One job. It has one job but somehow acts like it's massively put upon when called on to perform

Current issue: apparently it's got no colour ink. The colour ink light is flashing and obviously this means it cannot print anything at all ever.

a) it's got colour ink, I can see from the bloody app that the colour ink cartridge is 68% full

b) I don't even want to print in colour, just black and sodding white

c) it ORDERS ITS OWN INK so if there really is no colour ink then whose fault is that anyway, hmmmmm?? Not mine, you stupid HP arsewipe. This is most definitely a you problem

d) it has got fucking colour ink

Anyway in short, does a sub-£100 wireless printer exist, that just prints what you want it to when you want it to without throwing a massive shit fit on a regular basis? Why so compli

Oh so calling it a cunt and threatening to chuck it out of the window was not the right way to handle the situation? Noted.

Ahh see 'fortunately' we have fairly frequent short power interruptions, and after each one the printer prints its own test page because reasons. So in theory the ink shouldn't be dried up!

About the only thing I like about things being more paperless these days is less need to print things.

Can I point out that no printer prints black and white. They just print black. yet we all say black and white.

You know what I'm trying to print? A form, that I need to print out on paper, sign by hand, scan back in, and return by email to the sender. Paperless schmaperless!

There is a shop near us that prints stuff off

In practice it's much cheaper than trying to run your own printer

And less annoying

If we had to run a test print every few days we could use up all the ink before we actually needed to print anything

I have scanned my signature into the printer and now paste that onto any form that needs signing

Another vote for BW laser. They just keep going even after periods of none use

I have no solution , I gave up on mine yesterday, it has ink in all its compartments , including both a small and large black cartridge because apparently it can’t possibly use the same black to print pretty pictures as it does to print common old text .
But I digress , it prints a test sheet with perfection , because it wants to . Everything I want to print it chooses the colour bases on its own personal preference at any given time , thinks it Andy Warhol and no two copies are the same .

The only advice I have to offer is try switching it off and back on again

Your printer is a c**t

But I think you already know that

LTB

WHAT

IS

THIS

WITCHCRAFT

Is this a thing? Can I do this? How?!?

😀😀😀

Eddie Izzard feels your pain.

I did once own a mythical object that was a printer that just worked. It was a Cannon bubble jet and it was ace. I never had to threaten it with violence, ever.
Then Cannon refused to keep updating the drivers and it stopped working, the bastards.
Now we have a HP scanner printer thingy and I hate it almost as much as it hates me. It has no ink, it has the wrong kind of ink, it can't connect, everything is wrong and when it eventually decides it's going to actually do something the result is usually a stripey mess. Then it will huff and spit out several blank sheets of paper just because.
It has it's own song now - "Aint no ink left in this thing and now everything it prints gonna be all white." because it loves Bob Marley so much.

Printer manufacturers are a misnomer, they are ink manufacturers. Their shite hardware is merely a vehicle to getting you to buy consume as much ink as possible.

We ended up getting a laser printer, which despite being HP does at least perform 95% of the time - it occasionally does the usual disowning of the WiFi network.

BTW if the document you are trying to sign is a pdf did you know you can form fill and add signatures if you have basic Adobe free installed (not the expensive writing software). There is a surprising amount of interacting you can do with a pdf - adding form fill text, highlights, lines and shapes, signatures etc. It can help avoid that print/write/scan/email cycle.

Epson tank printer is the way to go. Expensive ish outlay five six years ago and spent no more than sixty quid on ink since then, I do lots of printing for club I run and my own crafts. Used to work in IT, cheap printers always cost ridiculous amounts in ink/toner.

I've worked in IT for years. Printers are sentient and they hate us. Honestly, whenever I'd get a call about a printer all I wanted to do was lock myself in a cupboard and scream, there is never a reason for them to break and they simply start working again when you don't need them. I was very glad to get into software and never have to deal with the bloody things again.

I didn't need to read any of the detail to know the printer was definitely being unreasonable. Of all the attention-seeking household appliances, they are the worst by far. Bastards.

After a bit of a fuss, my HP printer manages to chunter out the first page of any given document I’ve asked it to print. It then has to take a massive rest to recover, and will disgorge the subsequent sheets at random intervals over a period of anything up to half an hour!

You might have a scan function on your phone camera which might detect the writing and then you can insert that.

In terms of the printer the only solution we found was to switch to a laser printer. Would not go back.

@AlphaAlpha I love that you tube video.
I have an HP it was good as gold and then I moved house and my DH's HP printer moved in two.
DH's is shy so it is hiding behind a firewall, but in the same WiFi.
My HP is on WiFi, but has taken the hump that it does not have a firewall and refuses to talk to any other device.

Chucked out? No. Drop kicked…

When I was doing an MSc about 15 years ago I bought a cheap Brother monochrome printer because of the volume I was printing - it's been great.
Bit ropey now - paper often jams, although I print a lot less, so last year I bought another BW printer from eBay for around £30. The seller gave me about 5 reams of paper and a spare print cartridge as well, because he was leaving the UK, so an excellent bargain.
Unless you really need colour, monochrome printers are tons cheaper to run, and lots less to go wrong.

My HP printer is relatively well behaved

until you tell it to scan. Then it has a complete breakdown and goes into absolute panic. Only unplugging it will reset it.

I have had other printers that used to randomly forget that the cartridges were compatible- usually at 10pm on a Sunday night for an appointment at 09.00.

bastards. The lot of them.