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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is BU, me or my stupid bastard prick of a printer?

144 replies

DingsBum · 25/04/2023 07:01

Jeez. One job. It has one job but somehow acts like it's massively put upon when called on to perform Angry

Current issue: apparently it's got no colour ink. The colour ink light is flashing and obviously this means it cannot print anything at all ever.

a) it's got colour ink, I can see from the bloody app that the colour ink cartridge is 68% full

b) I don't even want to print in colour, just black and sodding white

c) it ORDERS ITS OWN INK so if there really is no colour ink then whose fault is that anyway, hmmmmm?? Not mine, you stupid HP arsewipe. This is most definitely a you problem

d) it has got fucking colour ink

Anyway in short, does a sub-£100 wireless printer exist, that just prints what you want it to when you want it to without throwing a massive shit fit on a regular basis? Why so compli

OP posts:
Tessisme · 25/04/2023 10:46

Oh and YANBU🤣🤣

Tessisme · 25/04/2023 10:47

No idea where all those symbols came from in my last sentence. Now my iPad hates me ...

Original poster
DingsBum · 25/04/2023 10:50

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 25/04/2023 09:57

Printers are all bastards, it doesn't matter if you spend £30 or £300 they all cock about refusing to print when you need them to. I can't turn mine off because if I do it loses the Wi-Fi settings and then I have to go through the 83 steps to reconnect it which sometimes work but not always.

But whhyyyyyyy.....

WHY are they so shit? Surely it can't be beyond the capability of modern technology to create a printer that Just. Fucking. Works.

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 25/04/2023 10:54

Our printer has decided that DH and I need more exercise. It has taken the decision to refuse to print from the laptop when we are sitting comfortably downstairs. No. We have to pick up said laptop and take it to the upstairs bedroom where printer resides. Then it will graciously print our requests. We both know we need more exercise but we resent being silently accused and nagged into it by a printer. 😄🤣

NoName12345678 · 25/04/2023 11:38

Fuck HP and all their useless printers... I have a Canon one I got for €45 which does as its told when it's told with no nonsense...

That was after losing the rag at a HP one which simply wouldn't print right, always some excuse, even when the heads were clean and It's ink desires satisfied it couldn't print a line of text legibly... I have it to my boyfriend as he wanted a scanner... lo and behold the bastard works perfectly for him... turns out it wanted to be plugged straight into the wall and not run off an extension lead... ffs...

At least we're all happy now!

Sorry for the rant, the ire just came right back up!

Rosula · 25/04/2023 15:38

TooRightM8 · 25/04/2023 09:27

Thing is you'll finally get it working and then the one page you have to print will jam somewhere in the printer and you will try to pull the paper out and it will shred in your hands and then you'll try to pull the remaining bits out gently with both hands, coaxing it or swearing as you go but it won't work so you'll have to take the printer apart and then you won't be able to put it back together <breathe>

And your hands will get covered in ink which you can't wash off properly but they'll still smear all over the place ...

Sauvblanctime · 25/04/2023 15:39

It’s always the printer

They are twats

Neededanewuserhandle · 25/04/2023 15:41

As my late Mother would have said "how come they can put a man on the moon but we can't make a printer that works?"

Silentbarking · 25/04/2023 15:50

AlphaAlpha · 25/04/2023 07:16

Reminds of this this, probably my favourite ever YouTube video

I was just about to post that video. Hope it makes OP laugh!

Winter41 · 25/04/2023 15:59

Printers are evil. The most evil are the ones in schools in rooms miles away from your classroom. They can sense when you are in a hurry and desperate because bottom set yr 9 are on their way and you need your resources

You, press print, you make your way across the school to collect it. Is it there? Is it balls.

Ourshoddyhouse · 25/04/2023 16:06

HP here

There was an error with the print job > would you like to restart or cancel?

Selects restart

There was an error with the print job > would you like to restart or cancel?

Restart?

There was an error with the print job > would you like to restart or cancel?

Erm restart I guess?

There was an error with the print job > would you like to restart or cancel?

Cancel

17 copies print 😤

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 25/04/2023 16:07

I am a techy person. I have spend the last 30 years of my life fixing all kinds of techy stuff, and nothing pisses me off as much as printers.

Printers are not tech, printers are cats that have had a curse put on them by a witch. It is the only explanation for their behavior. Why they choose not to work right up until the moment you give up and then spit out the bit of paper as if to go "See, that wasn't so hard was it?"

Fuckers.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 25/04/2023 16:09

Best Buy in the US used to have an answering system where one option was to hear a computer/printer being launched into the ocean via catapult so this isn't just a UK problem.

GreenMarigold · 25/04/2023 16:55

As a temp in the 90s/early 00s I did a range of office admin jobs. In every one I pretty much ended up purely on printer fixing duty for the building going from one to another to perform surgeries like emergency twisted paper extractions or total toner replacements.

Judging by the comments if I had stuck with printer fixing as a career I’d never be short of work! I hate the bloody things too though so I’d never choose it as a career!

Ponderingwindow · 25/04/2023 17:01

Our solution to this problem is to have two printers. The workhorse black and white laser that never gives us any trouble and a color inkjet that I fight every time i need to use it, but can produce photo quality results.

amylou8 · 25/04/2023 17:05

B&W laser all the way. Only grumble, will the little fucker go on the WiFi and stay in the WiFi...no it will not. B&W laser with cable it is.

IronicElf · 25/04/2023 17:10

Do you do much printing? Because my life changed the day I got an Epsom Eco thing with large reservoirs for ink. The printer cost more upfront, but came with a bottle of ink in each colour.

And I only bought one black ink all year (I print a few pages most days for work). I could throw this still working printer out and buy another every year and still save money because the ink is included. And it's not that expensive to but more bottles that last forever.

HP is like some god-awful MLM for selling ink (sorry HP but in my head it's a similar money-making scam. I love some MLM products, and don't begrudge money making schemes in general, only when it costs me and there's a better way).

I do have to run a cleaning program from time to time, and very occasionally it needs to be turned off and allowed to meditate, or whatever they do to reconnect to the universe. But it's been an amazing workhorse of a printer.

IronicElf · 25/04/2023 17:11

I should add Eco Tank printers don't have photo-quality, but I print photo'd leaflets and labels for work and it's good enough.

Vladi10 · 30/04/2023 07:36

i hate my HP printer too, whenever I need to use it it’s offline. The app says it’s ready but when I select it to print to its offline. Switching it off and on again doesn’t work, nothing works! Takes about an hour and half to get it to print, would be quicker to drive to work, 25 miles away to print there! It drives me crazy. Also annoys me printing all of these test sheets, using all my ink so it can charge me more with its self ordering

SquidwardBound · 30/04/2023 07:41

you are unreasonable for expecting any kind of functioning from a printer. It seems they aren’t designed to actually print things. It’s more some sort of performance art on the theme of frustration.

It’s not just home printers. Constantly clearing paper jams in institutional
printers is pretty much everyone’s experience of them. That and there being no paper in them. Or ink.

fucking printers.

Tilllly · 30/04/2023 07:55

Perhaps your laptop is having an affair which has understandably upset the printer
You should find a moment to have a quiet chat with printer, offer support

Or hit it very hard

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 30/04/2023 07:58

Canon, all the way.

Outdamnspot23 · 30/04/2023 08:04

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 25/04/2023 07:03

Oh dear it looks like your ink ran out before you finished your post.

Funniest thing I’ve read for ages.

i work in a big office and all the printers there are Treated like princes, but are they happy? Are they fuck? On average I have to visit 4 of them before I find one that isn’t frozen/jammed/refusing to realise it has ink/having an existential crisis, and is actually in the mood to print that day.

TheIsleOfTheLost · 30/04/2023 08:06

Best thing about lockdown was not having to use the work printers any more. I don't own one at home. Now we are back in the office everything is on screens, so still haven't had to print. It's wonderful.

raspberriesblueberries · 30/04/2023 08:11

DH got so annoyed with ours recently, he ordered a new one. Ever since it arrived and he carried it into his study, the old one has been working perfectly. We did consider returning the new one but we think it's worth the money just having it in the room to make the old one work.