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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have read her emails?

235 replies

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 19:57

I work with a lady who has been at the same workplace for 30 years. She knows everyone, gossips about everyone… you know the type!
I started 2 years ago and we work very closely together. She is incredibly kind to me, offering advice, cups of tea, giving me the ‘heads up’ on who is a good egg, who is not etc.
For various reasons I’ve started to suspect that my colleague is not as nice to me behind my back as she is to my face. One example of this would be her offering to do something to help me and then going to management to complain about me for asking her to help me when it isn’t her job (I am her senior)
This has happened a number of times now. She left her emails logged in so I took the chance to have a nose… not the best move I know, but I was feeling like I was going mad! So I uncovered email after email of her complaining to various people about me, all over the workplace. Most of the things she had complained about were made up.. she is making out I am a complete bitch to her but it’s completely false as we get on fine!
I wanted to take my findings (screenshots of 12 emails) to management to complain as my name has been repeatedly tarnished in her complaints, but I was wrong to look at her emails so should I just forget it and move on??

OP posts:
Therealog · 23/04/2023 19:59

Obviously you shouldn’t read someone else’s emails. It’s an invasion of privacy.

Uselesslyuseless · 23/04/2023 20:00

give examples? Could it be a difference of opinion?

if someone has complained about you, surely it’s risk to check their email. HR would have a field day if they found out

babyblueblanketlover · 23/04/2023 20:00

You've broken all sorts of data protection rules so if you complain you'll likely find that you are in trouble too.

Belleoftheball83 · 23/04/2023 20:01

Definitely don't use this! What she's said about you will likely pale into insignificance if you admit to what would be a serious security breach in most workplaces! Sit on the info, operate in the future knowing what she's like, and find another legitimate way to draw attention to her behaviour. And don't ever snoop on her emails again!

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 20:01

I would print them off with her identity revealed and pin them up in the office one night.

Deny all knowledge..

Sn1859 · 23/04/2023 20:02

I wouldn’t. My sister discovered a WhatsApp group slagging her and another member of staff off when she was passed one of the groups phone as a message popped up on the screen. She was fired for reporting it as it was a breach of privacy. Even ACAS sided with the WhatsApp group and not her as she “shouldn’t have been reading private messages”!

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 20:02

I would never admit to anyone that I had read those emails.

What I would do is speak to some of those people and sound them out. I would also keep a diary of everything you have asked her to do or she has asked if she could do, and if she tried to change the story I would go in hard.

BranchGold · 23/04/2023 20:03

Honestly, this isn’t a good look for you professionally.

Do not take screenshots to anyone. Distance yourself from her on a personal level and decline any assistance that she offers that isn’t an integral part of her role.

Don’t tell anyone what you’ve done and what you now know. If I found out what you had done, I would consider that to be supporting evidence of some of the allegations she’s making.

Florissant · 23/04/2023 20:03

What's the old saying - "Peep not at a keyhole lest ye be vexed"?

purpleme12 · 23/04/2023 20:03

You can't go to management when you've read her emails!!

Ohow · 23/04/2023 20:05

Honestly if you brought this to me as your manager I would fire you. It would make you completely untrustworthy - what if you took the opportunity to look at my emails?

Yes she's clearly a dick but there are ways to deal with that.

FiddleLeaf · 23/04/2023 20:06

But she has a point… you checked her emails. It’s insanity.

Butterflyfluff · 23/04/2023 20:09

Seriously - how do you expect it to end with you admit to reading her emails and taking screenshots?

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 23/04/2023 20:10

Taking the emails as proof is dodgy, however the knowledge in it you could use to your advantage. You know who she has said what to now and you can use that knowledge while keeping her at arms length.

Although sticking them up randomly would be hilarious as long as nobody can prove they came from your printing account

CaroleSinger · 23/04/2023 20:10

Well at least you know what she's really about. You can use your new knowledge to avoid any situations with her in the knowledge that any further complaints will be vexatious.

TheVanguardSix · 23/04/2023 20:10

FiddleLeaf · 23/04/2023 20:06

But she has a point… you checked her emails. It’s insanity.

Couldn’t agree more!
You’ve just proved her right, OP. That’s a poor decision you made. I’m not condoning her behaviour either but at this point, nobody’s coming out of this with sparkling halos.

Createausername1970 · 23/04/2023 20:13

Well. You shouldn't have looked at her emails and I defo wouldn't be taking screen-shots. But at least you know for sure what is going on.

Going forward you need to be careful with your communications with this person and try to have any conversations in the main part of the office, in front of others, or do everything via email so there is a definite paper trail of what you did or did not say.

Is there someone else you know she has been emailing who you could approach and say you have your suspicions that X is not being quite straightforward with you and has anything been said to them. You could say you were accidentally copied in on an email which you have subsequently deleted, but you were a bit surprised at the content, it implied you had said certain things which you know you did not.

People who do this type of thing tend to do it a lot, not just aimed at one person, so you might find she has history of this, or others are not taking what she is saying very seriously. What was the outcome of her previous complaints to management?

notacooldad · 23/04/2023 20:14

I would keep the information that you snooped to yourself. However, knowledge is power. As long as you can honestly say your day to day behaviour is beyond reproach and she really is the problem you can put a damage limitation plan into place without disclosing you have read the emails.

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/04/2023 20:14

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 20:01

I would print them off with her identity revealed and pin them up in the office one night.

Deny all knowledge..

Well that is a thought..

I’m guessing you searched for your name OP, but the chances are she is complaining about lots of people, or has done in the past - HR probably know she’s a twat.

You can’t report, because you absolutely should not have been looking, and you really could get fired but you can use the knowledge. Have a tactical think.

ColdHandsHotHead · 23/04/2023 20:16

You won't be the only person she has done this to. Keep quiet, be very polite, and wait for it to bite her in the arse.

LakeTiticaca · 23/04/2023 20:17

Play the long game.
Decline any help from her . Take notes of things she saying.
Casually speak to any colleagues you are close to and try to determine what she is saying and if she is saying things about others.
Keep a very close eye on her.
People like this usually trip themselves up eventually

WaltzingWaters · 23/04/2023 20:20

She’s a bitch. But you can’t go and complain, you’ll be the one in trouble.

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 23/04/2023 20:22

You can't really do anything with the screenshots, but you can catch her out.

Be clever and play the long game.

Foundryside · 23/04/2023 20:23

It’s just going to backfire on you if you’re complaining about what you’ve read when snooping in her emails.

Seas164 · 23/04/2023 20:24

Don't tell anyone you've gone into and read her emails, it would do you more professional damage than any (especially if they're unfounded) rumours she can spread about you.

Use it for your own information and disengage from her as much as possible and start keeping a record of anything odd.

Don't tell anyone at work what you've done, and don't do it again.