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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws forgot DCs 2nd birthday

119 replies

ForgottenBirthday · 23/04/2023 18:12

DC turned 2 on Friday - we have had no message, call or card. DC is their only grandchild.

No backstory, we get along fine, talk every few weeks but only if I message first, they never ask after any of us, I’m also heavily
pregnant and they haven’t asked how I am since I told them at 12 weeks.

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable being a bit upset by this? DH is hurt and isn’t sure wether to say anything. Would you be upset?

OP posts:
Coffeeandbourbons · 23/04/2023 18:13

YANBU very poor form.

5foot5 · 23/04/2023 18:14

I would be hurt, yes.

SeasonFinale · 23/04/2023 18:17

Call them and say I assume you posted something for DC but I am calling to let you know I am not being rude hy not saying thanks but it simply hasn't arrived yet.

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/04/2023 18:18

I would make sure I reminded them in advance.

Restinggoddess · 23/04/2023 18:18

It is upsetting and frankly a little bit weird

In a light hearted way ask - did you forget that someone special turned 2 the other day? Can you believe how quickly time has flown?

Yes it’s upsetting - but check first as to why it seems to have been overlooked.
There may be a reason - many people these days can’t remember what day it is!!!

maddy68 · 23/04/2023 18:18

Ask them ?

qpmz · 23/04/2023 18:28

Don't do passive aggressive like some of the previous posters are suggesting. I'd get your husband to call them and ask outright how the hell did they manage to forget or not bother.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/04/2023 18:30

Call them and say I assume you posted something for DC

Er... big fat no to that. Why isn't your DH calling and asking them? They are his parents?

Original poster
ForgottenBirthday · 23/04/2023 18:30

maddy68 · 23/04/2023 18:18

Ask them ?

I’m not sure how to without sounding like I’m being ungrateful/entitled.

OP posts:
JamMakingWannaBe · 23/04/2023 18:30

DS has a Birthday on the 2rd of the month. DGP turn over their wall calendar and go "oh shit..." annually. It's just their their vibe, their is no malice intended in a late Moonpig card and they always Facebook him on the actual date.

Slimjimtobe · 23/04/2023 18:30

I wouldn’t say anything but I wouldn’t always be the first to make contact either. Dh should be the one to contact them in any case. But it’s hurtful for sure.

Theunamedcat · 23/04/2023 18:32

JamMakingWannaBe · 23/04/2023 18:30

DS has a Birthday on the 2rd of the month. DGP turn over their wall calendar and go "oh shit..." annually. It's just their their vibe, their is no malice intended in a late Moonpig card and they always Facebook him on the actual date.

They can set reminders on moonpig they will even get a discount for it

Skybluepinky · 23/04/2023 18:32

Really they r 2, and won’t remember unless u keep banging on about it

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 23/04/2023 18:32

I'd message or call and say you were a bit disappointed that you didn't hear from them so they could wish DC a happy birthday. I'd be hurt about this too OP , very poor of them.

Original poster
ForgottenBirthday · 23/04/2023 18:33

qpmz · 23/04/2023 18:28

Don't do passive aggressive like some of the previous posters are suggesting. I'd get your husband to call them and ask outright how the hell did they manage to forget or not bother.

He is going to ring them now. I sent a message this evening asking how they were and the response was “all good here.”

They didn’t ask how any of us were. It’s definitely not my place to say anything so he’ll ring them.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 23/04/2023 18:33

YANBU, I wouldn’t say anything but I would stop acknowledging their birthdays and send no card.

Original poster
ForgottenBirthday · 23/04/2023 18:34

Skybluepinky · 23/04/2023 18:32

Really they r 2, and won’t remember unless u keep banging on about it

DC obviously has no idea and it’s not been spoken about in-front of him, he had a lovely birthday but DH is still upset his parents forgot

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/04/2023 18:35

"I sent a message this evening asking how they were"

Why be so passive about it if you're pissed off?

Theunamedcat · 23/04/2023 18:35

It hurts ds turned 10 his own father forgot and his nan his uncle and aunt CBA for the last few years dad even has his DOB tattooed on him they didn't forget the elder ds so he (elder ds) threatened NC if they did it again next year

And he fucking means it

I would put a stop to it now before you get a resentful teen on your hands I almost felt sorry for my ex....almost

euff · 23/04/2023 18:45

Restinggoddess · 23/04/2023 18:18

It is upsetting and frankly a little bit weird

In a light hearted way ask - did you forget that someone special turned 2 the other day? Can you believe how quickly time has flown?

Yes it’s upsetting - but check first as to why it seems to have been overlooked.
There may be a reason - many people these days can’t remember what day it is!!!

This is a nice way to say it. It is hurtful.

billy1966 · 23/04/2023 18:58

OP,

This is who they are.

Save yourself years of angst by dramatically lowering your expectations and that of your children.

Life is so short and you will spoil it for yourself by being disappointed.

Expect nothing and you may be surprised.

Likewise suit yourself completely so that you have no reason to feel hard done by.

Try not to take it personally and detach.

You will be thankful if you do, because upsetting yourself in these situations, invariably changes nothing.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/04/2023 19:04

My PIL were notoriously bad at this sort of thing. It's not that they didn't love their GC, they just didn't place any importance on birthdays. DH says they were the same growing up. He didn't have a birthday party until my DM threw one for his 21st. It was the first time he ever had party games or jelly and ice cream. Other families can be an eye opener.

Favouritefruits · 23/04/2023 19:09

This happened to my 8year old last year, in the end we sent a photo of him blowing out his candles and just said ‘Bob had a brilliant birthday last week’ and left it at that. They were apologetic and sent £20 in a card but I was still annoyed and upset. Maybe do the same sort of thing a picture and a quick short message.

Oblomov23 · 23/04/2023 19:12

"Btw it was ds2's 2nd birthday last Friday, I wondered if it'd slipped your mind"?

Original poster
ForgottenBirthday · 23/04/2023 19:20

billy1966 · 23/04/2023 18:58

OP,

This is who they are.

Save yourself years of angst by dramatically lowering your expectations and that of your children.

Life is so short and you will spoil it for yourself by being disappointed.

Expect nothing and you may be surprised.

Likewise suit yourself completely so that you have no reason to feel hard done by.

Try not to take it personally and detach.

You will be thankful if you do, because upsetting yourself in these situations, invariably changes nothing.

This is helpful, thank you.

DH rang and they rejected the call so he sent a text saying he was hurt they’d forgotten and that he is also hurt they haven’t asked how we are in months, never message us, don’t ever want to see DS etc and it’s resulted in a bit of an argument between them but I’m staying out of it.

I do think it would be best to accept they won’t change, they’ve only met DS 4 times in 2 years and I think it’s best to accept they just don’t care like other family members do but it’s very hard for DH to come to terms with.

OP posts:
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