In laws forgot DCs 2nd birthday

[ForgottenBirthday]

DC turned 2 on Friday - we have had no message, call or card. DC is their only grandchild.

No backstory, we get along fine, talk every few weeks but only if I message first, they never ask after any of us, I’m also heavily
pregnant and they haven’t asked how I am since I told them at 12 weeks.

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable being a bit upset by this? DH is hurt and isn’t sure wether to say anything. Would you be upset?

Given they didn’t manage to even send a card all the pearl clutching about being ‘rude’ is a bit rich!

My parents were like this with their grandchildren for years , went out dancing ,etc. Which, over three decades, didnt seem to matter to my mother. But as she got older, widowed and lived to her late nineties, she had many a lonely day to realise why her GC didnt bother with her.

How bloody sad and they're treating you all appallingly. Especially your DH and DS.

I wouldn't reply. I'd just ignore them now. Including their birthdays.

I had similar years ago. It was always us doing the 'running' with the outlaws in-laws.
If we mentioned they never visited, they said it was because we didn't ask them to.
When we said that they didn't ask us to visit but we still did, they said they didn't need to invite us as it was an open house

The final straw came when they dropped one of the DCs birthday cards and present off 10 minutes before they were due in from school but refused to stop and see them.

This was the tip of the iceberg and I blew my gasket. When push comes to shove, I'm now NC with them (bliss) but they didn't even send my DC an 18th birthday card recently and my eldest a 21st and they weren't even invited to a big birthday recently (even though DH rang them and asked if the kids could come!)

What I'm trying to say, is that I often think of sending a letter or an email telling them how appallingly they've treated my children and as much as I'd love to, I'm a better person than them.

Your DH will be hurting obviously but just distance yourselves. I'm glad I did.

@Inkpotlover

I’ve had many bizarre things said to me about it from both the GPs and the siblings,

A good one was that we love our children too fiercely so they don’t feel they really require any additional love from them 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

They’ve said I never directly asked them to be grandparents, as in actually said the words ’would you please be grandparents to our children?’ I don’t know of anyone in the world that has done that, don’t you just have a baby and then your parents become grandma and grandad 🤷🏼‍♀️

The siblings are just as bad though really, when the other gchildren have ‘their’ days and mine have dared to pop by, we’ve had calls/comments ‘cousin finds it hard to share grandparents because it’s her day/her toys so best not to call round on her day’ 🤣

Gparents also have several guitars that mine could never ever touch which was fine and once they were told they were off limits, that was it, they never went near them. Now there’s video after video on social media of the other gchildren playing the guitars and gparents teaching them how.

Honestly when I look back at what has been said and done, I don’t even know why I persisted so long. I guess I just thought it may change one day.
My eldest won’t even entertain visiting anymore on the rare occasion we’re allowed to drop by.

It will always upset me but I just get on with our lives now and spend time with other family members and friends who love us and our children

Don't keep chasing them and don't do anything on their birthdays.

Is this you, OP? Have you done an accidental name change? Or are you some other poor DIL who has to deal with nightmare inlaws?!

Nope, not me! DS is the only grandchild

We have had lots of argumentative texts since that we are ignoring including one saying they’ve never pretended to be good parents or grandparents and this is just who they are 😮 DP has decided on going low/no contact now

My old friend who had this from her in laws also found it painful.

Her husbands younger brother was the golden child and his parents had zero interest in her children growing up.

Last year her eldest son had the most gorgeous set of boy/girl twins with his long term girlfriend.
They are equisite, SO photogenic.

They had some gorgeous photos taken of the 4 generations that garnered enormous attention via Facebook etc, from family and friends.

The local paper picked up on it and did a little piece on them, and her son spoke of his joy that HIS wonderful grandparents got to meet his children and be a part of their lives.

Their was a lovely fuss made of it by neighbours, friends and family.

No mention whatsoever of her husbands parents.

They got a rare call asking for the twins to be brought to visit them, but her son was having absolutely none of it.

Apparently her MIL was very miffed at not being included nor even mentioned 🙄.

Wow, they are doubling down. At least your DH knows where he stands now. I wonder in years to come, when they’re old and in need of support, if they’ll regret their stance.

There is your answer, in black & white, they are not interested, could not give a shit.
As much as it hurts, listen to them.

Did they even give an apology they forgot the bday or an excuse? Have they accepted they haven’t made enough effort?

I do think some people are just in their own bubble and time passes and they don’t realise how remiss they have been. I have a relative like this who really hurt me by their lack of contact when times were hard and for birthdays etc and when I eventually told them how I felt they appeared totally shocked and amazed that was what I was feeling.

I am sorry, OP. I suppose that at least you know now, rather than having your DS grow up with expectations about his grandparents that are not met, but it is still very sad.

I think I'd block them for a while, but I wouldn't expect them to change as they've made it quite clear that this is how they are and you have to take it or leave it.

Personally, I'd leave it and block them, because I wouldn't take that level of insult to my DH and child. Just not acceptable. Their messages are all about them, how THEY feel, what THEY want. They can fuck right off and you won't miss them. Fortunate you have your family, one interested family only is better than one interested family and one uninterested family.

Wobble yourself. If someone is a complete dick to you, the answer is not to turn into a dick yourself. Not because of them, but because of you.
If you say that, you'd (if you have any sense at all) be cringing at yourself before you got to the end of the sentence.

It's not a race to the bottom of who can be the biggest dickhead.

Yet here you are again

You think it's entitled to wonder why Grandparents haven't acknowledged their Grandchilds birthday?

Just caught up with the updates, your poor DH. This is not normal behaviour in people who are meant to love their Grandchildren, Imguessing it reflects something of their relationship with your DH sadly.

Wow. Your poor DH.

The only positive is that they’re openly unrepentant. So now DH and you know to seek and expect nothing from them. It’s absolutely their loss.

I would be hurt too. But their loss at end of the day not to enjoy their dgs.
They sound selfish and self centred. Let them crack on.
You sound lovely and normal op and your son is surrounded by love.