To not understand the attitude of not doing things with your children because they’ll be too young to remember it…

[StopGrowingPlease]

Birthday parties, holidays, days out, baby classes, Christmas gifts and events ect. There’s always people saying there’s no point because they won’t remember it and I just don’t get it. I don’t remember much at all from when I was younger (I don’t even clearly remember things from a few years ago) but I guess that is probably due to having aphantasia (I can’t see/picture things/people/memories in my mind).
But either way most people don’t really remember much from their childhood but surely that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do fun things with your children??

For me the baby and small child stage is the time to make them do your things because they’re too small to object. DS as a newborn spent a lot of time at arthouse films and art galleries. I would rather cut my own head off than go to anything Disney-related.

He started nursery at 3 months. Before he started nursery, he also wasn't phased.

There's a difference between absolute isolation during a pandemic and simply not taking a baby to baby classes.

@SouthLondonMum22 babies don't experience separation anxiety before 4 months, and if your baby is at nursery then he is completely used to lots of people/faces/noise. Completely different to a baby that hasn't had the chance to meet new people for nearly a whole year of their life!

Only just saw your most recent post. I actually agree that classes themselves aren't necessary, but just generally being out and about and seeing people is, doesn't have to be expensive classes, I go to one class but apart from that see friends and go to a toddler group.

I've got photos of my young kids with me all over the damn globe- Great Wall of China, Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls etc etc.... they remember nothing and all wish they had gone older. They had fun but have zero recollection even of the kids stuff like Disneyland.

Save your money and take them to enjoy stuff which will enrich them but also not cost the earth. There is literally no bloody point.

@Peppadog I didn't ever claim that it was the same. I was saying there's a difference between complete isolation and just not taking your baby to baby classes.

DS1 remembers quite a lot of things from being 3- DS2 tagged along as a 1yo. He doesn't remember, but the photos of him being there with us is a talking point and experiences do shape infants'/ young children's learning and development even if it's not actively remembered.

I'm not fussed about obviously expensive stuff like Disney and nor are the DCs, but I don't regret the family holidays we did when they were young. I've seen many MN comments suggesting that going abroad on holiday is a waste of time before they're 5 over the years.

I remember being on holiday at 3. I remember the hotel room and some other details that there are no pictures of.

Kids need safety, happiness, security, adventure, love.

They don't need expensive holidays, clubs, big gifts.

But also, I know no-one who doesn't give ANY of the things you mentioned. Do you actually know someone who says no to birthday parties, holidays, days out, baby classes, Christmas gifts and events?

Highly doubt it.

I was talking just about classes because @Scottishskifun seemed to be saying they are essential and a reason why some lockdown babies struggled developmentally.

I agree that being out and about and seeing people is what is important. Before I went back to work, I didn't do any classes/groups but we were out and about as well as seeing family etc.

Yehhh, you are completely right OP. I don’t see the problem in taking your kids wherever you want, regardless of their age, and event/activity tbh. Even if they won’t have memories of them, the parents will still have memories of enjoying the activity with their child. There’s also photos and videos. I don’t think it’s anyone else’s place to criticise or judge how parents want to entertain their children. It’s their choice how they wish to spend their money, and even if it’s for the enjoyment of the parents, I don’t see the problem either. As long as they are still enjoying the time with their children. Sometimes, it’s a nice way to bring extended family together via early birthday parties etc.

Equally, there’s nothing wrong with parents who don’t wish to spend on anything extravagant until the child is of an age to store memories. I wouldn’t judge saying their child is missing out either. Don’t see the problem with either approach tbh - it’s completely up to the parents and not anyone else’s place to complain.

We took our kids around Europe for 8 weeks when they were 5 & 3. They remember some parts, not others. We did go to Disneyland Paris and they had an amazing time. I don’t really care that they don’t remember a lot of it. It was still a fantastic holiday and the timing was right as it was before they started school so we could travel outside school holidays when it wasn’t as busy and expensive.

I disagreed that you could do everything online and that baby classes arent just for mum they are essential if your baby is not getting exposure. Babies need multiple interactions including with other babies.

Society wise this used to be covered by extended family and friends but now many new mums don't have this so classes replace it to a certain extent.
Your baby is getting exposure because they go to nursery from little. Many women use classes for this exposure as different women go back to work (or not) at different points.

Some lockdown babies and toddlers struggled developmentally because they have not been exposed to other babies, situations and scenarios. Parents were always able to to take them for a walk and a few months in were able to take them to cafes etc the aspect for majority which stopped suddenly and for a long time was regular exposure to other babies/children be that from classes or regular meet ups with other babies where they have free time to explore etc.
I had a lockdown baby/toddler (was 13 months) I saw for myself what taking away interactions with other children caused.

A walk during lockdown with social distancing and play parks closed (for those with toddlers old enough) is completely different than getting out and about when everything is normal.

Simply not going to baby classes isn't comparable to lockdown.

Depends what it is. I thought if I did fantastic, expensive things too young with DDs you were setting a precedent and always then had to go bigger and better and more expensive. And they really don't need tons of toys, and the best toys were stacking rings, and plastic beakers in the bath. I did baby groups and nice cheaper age appropriate things with them when they were "Too young to remember" because it all helps their development and learning and they would enjoy it at the time, as did I. Also I have some very early memories myself, loads from age three plus. And they are like sponges when they are very little. DD1 in particular at age three plus would memorise and repeat lines I didn't even remember from the books I read to her. At nursery she came out with "He entered with a flourish!" The staff asked me where she got that from and I didn't know, and later that evening read in a Winnie the Pooh book, "Owl entered, with a flourish!" and twigged.

When they are really tiny it's more about getting out of the house and having another adult to talk to as much as doing a baby friendly activity.

I agree entirely.

My daughter is a year and a half and has been going out to the city since she was 3 months old, and also to the countryside, to the seaside, to several different countries, met many different people, and indeed had a birthday party and seen our flat festooned with Easter, Christmas and Hallowe'en decorations...

Her face lights up when she sees new things, different surroundings and different people. She smiles and laughs, points at things, loves touching things and is generally great with people.

Surely all these new experiences are helping to develop her personality, her mental capacity and her imagination?

I mean, has anyone ever said don't do anything with your child that they won't remember? No one on the Disney thread said that. All the comments were tied to money and how much money should or shouldn't be spend for something the child won't remember. No one was saying to just stay home and stare at the wall until they are 5 or 6 and will have sustained long term memories.

It really doesn't matter if they can't remember several years later. What DOES matter is that they enjoyed them at the time! Every little bit of "life experience" helps develop knowledge, ability, attitude, skills, etc., which is a cumulative effect so WILL have had an effect at some level, even if the child can't remember the event itself.

It's a bit like a mathematician - at some stage in their later primary school years or early secondary school, they'd have been taught and solved their first equation. By doing that, they had the skills to build on that to solve more and more complex equations, etc over the subsequent years. It really doesn't matter that they can't remember their first equation - what matters is that it was the start of the "journey", a building block if you like. Same could be said of an author for reading or writing their first word.

@AnuSTart no point? Did you not enjoy any of them then? Considering, I'm presuming, they were bucket list places for you too?

And most of the divide comes down to SES and disposable cash. Those saying that they take their young kids on multiple amazing international trips a year and the kids enjoy it live in a different world than people saying to take their kids on one amazing trip and experience in a few years that they save for. Of course if money is no object, then there is zero need to save or wait until they will remember it because the various trips and experiences will continue every year and they will be off to various ends of the earth to see the seven wonders when they are older too. If you have money, you get to have a lot more - lets just spend $$$$ for fun and for enjoyment in the moment - than those who have to budget and save and make choices what what trips or expensive experiences they will have or give their children.

@Kazzyhoward this is exactly the point I was trying to make on the other thread.
Why are people so obsessed with making memories for the future? Enjoy the moment. Do nice things now. Why the hell not? For your enjoyment at least?
Who cares if they don't remember it? Plus as you say, they are new experiences that help development..the building blocks as you say.

Everyone does things that are enjoyment for the moment. For some this is jetting across the world to luxury vacations and for others this is feeding the ducks at the park. Look at the people in this thread saying - just go to Disney no matter what age and enjoy the moment - they are also saying they go every yeary. Money is no object for them. If you have the luxury of multiple international and expensive vacations a year, then you have the luxury of spending $$$$ without regard for anything other than enjoying the moment. It all comes down to cash.