To not understand the attitude of not doing things with your children because they’ll be too young to remember it…

[StopGrowingPlease]

Birthday parties, holidays, days out, baby classes, Christmas gifts and events ect. There’s always people saying there’s no point because they won’t remember it and I just don’t get it. I don’t remember much at all from when I was younger (I don’t even clearly remember things from a few years ago) but I guess that is probably due to having aphantasia (I can’t see/picture things/people/memories in my mind).
But either way most people don’t really remember much from their childhood but surely that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do fun things with your children??

I think for me there's something about whether they gain anything from the experience at the time, more than whether they'll remember it later. I definitely took my son to the zoo when he was too small to really have any idea what was going on (I guess 2-ish?) and he was oblivious to almost all of the animals, even the extremely large and obvious ones. That did leave me feeling cautious about paying out for 'experiences' given that it was questionable whether he was really experiencing them in any meaningful way, and I held off until his understanding was a bit more developed. Not fussed about whether he remembers them, I just wanted him to get some enjoyment at the time!

One of mine was 3 when we went to Disney. She had a fab time. She probably won't remember any of it. What matters was that she enjoyed herself at the time.

One of our best trips was lego land. Kids were perfect ages for it -between 5 and 9. Spent 2 days there and it was fab.

Younger dc barely remembers it. Older dc remembers bits. But those emotional connections and those feelings of joy will have been cemented. Isn't there a theory that kids with happy childhoods remember the bad bits vividly because there were so few?

I would save a proper big holiday for when they can remember it more clearly. Reckon after about 9, looking back at my own memories.

@Clymene

I also don't think there's any point in first birthday parties, big Christmas spends on babies or fancy outfits. They're for you, not for the baby.

so? So what if it’s for the parents benefit and not the child’s? If parents enjoy it than that is the point surely?

Yes she remembers it from 3, she’s going again at 5. And I'm sure she’ll go again when she’s older. And she’ll get different things from the experience each time!

Agree with all the pp's saying that something doesn't have to be remembered in later life to be worth doing. It all goes in somewhere.

Plus, what's wrong with parents doing nice things and going to nice places for themselves?

Apparently you should be a martyr and it’s wrong to do anything if you as the parent also enjoy yourself.

Doing different things with very young children is very important for brain development. It doesn’t have to be a super expensive trip to a theme park, but new experiences are always good and stimulating.

As I said on the other thread, DS had the absolute time of his life when we took him to see Thomas when he was about 4. Did he remember much about it 10 years later, let alone 20 years later? No, not very much.

What a terrible reason for not bothering doing anything with young children.

You see it in relation to childcare sometimes as well - “it doesn’t matter as they won’t remember it”. And it’s
bollocks in all forms, as children’s early experiences have a huge impact on their subsequent development.

I was talking to my older DD earlier about how she doesn’t remember her sister being born. At the time, it was a huge thing for her (she was super proud of being a big sister and would tell everyone about it!) and obviously did have a big impact on the person she became. That she doesn’t remember it isn’t the key thing here.

You see it in relation to childcare sometimes as well - “it doesn’t matter as they won’t remember it”.

@WimpoleHat To be fair, I've only seen that in response to those who act like nursery is child abuse or something.

I think it’s all about understanding which things will be good for a child’s development, their enjoyment at the time/ enrichment, or otherwise beneficial, and those things that would be better left til a bit later.

So a baby class, a walk in the woods or jumping in puddles, a play date, a visit to loving family, time spend playing with parents, or a baby friendly day out or holiday is going to be great for a baby’s development even if they don’t remember it. Many things will be neutral of course, and perfectly fine.

A holiday to Disneyland (for example) is probably better left until baby is older if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. They may as well remember it if it’s only going to be the once. It might even be stressful for baby and parents alike, and less enjoyable for them than a more modest holiday. It’s not going to do them any harm, but could be wasted money.

Nothing wrong with fun things. What I think is unreasonable is going over the top and falling prey to attempts to part you with lots of money for very little.

Baby showers can do one for example.

Plus, what's wrong with parents doing nice things and going to nice places for themselves?
There are many nice places I've been to as a parent for me. Nothing wrong with that. I just acknowledge they're something I like.

The amusing thing isn't parents doing nice things. It's parents doing lots of things that they claim is for DC's benefit but is really about the parents' image.

If parents really feel value in balloon arches, spending hundreds on cake for a toddler, and having the instagramable birthday party for a child who is 1 or 2, great, but that sort of stuff isn't for the child's benefit and they're silly if they think they're kidding anyone by suggesting it's about #makingmemories.

@LuckySantangelo35 - that's fine. If parents want to spend i hundreds on birthday parties, fancy outfits and lavish gifts, entirely up to them.

I think there is increasing pressure on parents to spend on their small children when the reality is that babies are just as happy with a tub of bubbles as they are with a really expensive toy. What they value is interaction.

But obviously if parents get huge joy out of spending lots of cash on their babies, that's entirely their prerogative

Exactly

Of course you should do fun things with kids.
my 1 year old adored going to b&q to look at light fittings, and to the pet shop to look at fish. absolutely no need to push the boat out and spend £££. It’s not as instagrammanle as Disney though - but I suspect they would have felt very overwhelmed by that.
the point is… young children are usually entertained by simple and short things. Long flights, hours in a park etc is usually not one of them, so the parents are paying a huge amount when it wasn’t necessary

Yes I also agree that the real problem is when parents (or anyone!) feel the need to spend money they can’t really afford on things that they didn’t really want to do and neither do their dc because advertisers have convinced them to #makememories.

Why don’t you think baby classes benefit the child? I took ds to them from 3 weeks old and he is such a confident and independent child and compared to toddler in his classes who have only just started there is a noticeable difference in confidence 🤔

@Nevermind31 so the parents are paying a huge amount when it wasn’t necessary

Lots if things aren’t “necessary” in life but are thoroughly enjoyable. If you only ever do the bare essentials it sounds like a pretty bland life.

I agree, itdoesn’t matter they won’t remember but I wouldn’t spend a lot of money doing stuff like extravagant parties or going to Disneyland when they’re little.

So really it comes down to disapproval at how others spend money, doesn’t it?

How dare they go on holiday when they should be marching up and down the aisles of B & Q.

It’s obvious when parties etc are done to impress others via social media, when the child would happily play with a balloon

My question has nothing to do with that thread or Disney. Disney is out of our budget but I’ve seen similar comments about all of the things listed and more

I think it’s more about striking a balance.

I am really judgmental towards some parents i know because I think they are utterly miserable when it comes to doing things with their kids. The most money they’ll spend on a day out for their kids is soft play. No trips to the Zoo, country houses etc. They could afford it, but their excuse is the kids won’t appreciate it and will just spoil the day with poor behaviour. The kids are now the age where they would remember it, and obviously I don’t know the full picture but I’ve seen much more badly behaved kids.

At the same time I see Instagram posts of elaborate first birthday parties with balloon arches that cost hundreds of pounds. An expensive Santa grotto for an infant. And of course Disney land for a kid who isn’t old enough to walk very far at all. I think that’s a bit OTT.

my daughter is only a few months old and I will be throwing her a small first birthday party (it just won’t cost a fortune), I’ll take her to do some Christmas stuff this year and we’ll be going on a family holiday this year. I am just saving the really special stuff until she is old enough to realise what’s going on.

What benefit does a baby class have to a 3 week old? They aren't awake for long periods of time, they are too young to socialise etc.

It has benefits to parents though if they enjoy them.