To not understand the attitude of not doing things with your children because they’ll be too young to remember it…

[StopGrowingPlease]

Birthday parties, holidays, days out, baby classes, Christmas gifts and events ect. There’s always people saying there’s no point because they won’t remember it and I just don’t get it. I don’t remember much at all from when I was younger (I don’t even clearly remember things from a few years ago) but I guess that is probably due to having aphantasia (I can’t see/picture things/people/memories in my mind).
But either way most people don’t really remember much from their childhood but surely that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do fun things with your children??

This thread about a thread is claiming people say it about everything when SOME people were saying it about a very expensive trip away which they thought would be better made when the DC were old enough to remember. Nobody cares if someone else goes to Disneyland before their DC will remember it and obviously nobody thinks you should just sit on the one seat for years until your DC will remember things. So basically this is an argument nobody will have with you.

See, I would say baby swimming doesn’t really fall into that category - a lot of babies really enjoy it! I’m not suggesting they will turn into Olympic swimmers as a result.

I think babies and small children are very easily pleased, they don't need or appreciate expensive days out, it's often just for the parents benefit.
It's important to enjoy your children while they are young but I personally don't see the point in expensive parties for small kids, they usually feel overwhelmed and it's to make the parent feel they've 'done something' than for the childs benefit.
Same for big holidays like Disney, far better to wait till they can appreciate it and remember it, unless you an afford to go over and over again!

99% of the time it’s from people who are jealous because they can’t afford it or want to justify why they don’t do anything nice for their own children, which is their problem frankly
I disagree with this and it's usually the sort of thing that's said by people who are desperate to assume that the other parents who make different choices must be frothing with envy at how brilliant they are.

Friends of mine attended a baby class and quickly stopped attending when it became clear their expectations and the reality of the class were different. They thought they were spending a little extra for a lovely sensory experience for their babies with a decent instructor doing some baby yoga/massage. In reality it was an expensive photo shoot with most of the session being wannabe Insta mummies using the sensory props to take endless photos. They decided it was a waste of money and more about adults than the babies. They weren't jealous. They just chose not to spend a fortune on something so adult-centric.

I never wanted to spend hundreds on Christmas trips for pre schoolers, think extravagant birthdays for toddlers with the custom cakes, balloon arches and all the trappings of an instagramable party are more about the parents than the child. It isn't jealousy. It's a different worldview and different set of values.

I think what they actually mean is don't put pressure on yourself/bankrupt yourself to do something that the child won't really understand, appreciate or remember.

Of course you should do fun things with your child, but for a toddler the park is fun, swimming is fun, bubbles are fun, feeding the ducks is fun etc....there's no need for much more.

If you want to do it, then do! But know that it's for your benefit not the child's. The child doesn't need it and won't be any better off than a child who didn't go to Disneyland when they were 1 or get a massive stack of presents for their first birthday.

Well I heard once that they might not remember how they did but they'll ten meet how they felt. So I agree that you should do things with young children.

However, if you're talking about a once in a lifetime holiday or experience then I totally get waiting until they're older or doing it without them.

I think it depends a bit. With most things yes of course you still do them, because your child enjoys them at the time. But personally, if it was something like a holiday location aimed specifically at kids and it was going to cost thousands of pounds, I'd be inclined to wait until they were a little bit older.

It doesn't matter if a kid gets an expensive present, goes on a holiday, sees Santa etc. They will get different things.

But it also doesn't matter if they do do those things. They do get enjoyment from it.

Let's be honest here... most of us remember very little of our lives. I have been on loads of holidays. I remember the odd detail, but mostly remember that they were enjoyable rather than the specifics. The enjoyment was the point,not the memory.

I agree: it all feeds their brain and it’s about how it makes them feel that sets them up for later life and that’s what it’s all about really plus seeing their enjoyment. There are some good things I’d rather do when they’re older like Disney but more because I’m not sure we could afford it more than once and I want them to be old enough to go on more stuff

I don’t think it is motivated by jealousy. It is more a sort of puritan outlook that sees spending money as vaguely obscene and vulgar, somehow.

There really is nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate and enjoy things as a family. There are certain things friends of mine do I personally wouldn’t, but equally I am sure that they would deem some of my tastes not to theirs. Either way, I do hate this attitude on here that small children and their parents should endlessly be stomping in puddles

We’ve been doing Disney ( Paris and Florida) with ours since the eldest was 18 months , so the youngest went as a tiny baby . We’ve got some fab photos of them as very small children when they wouldn’t remember things but we have the lovely memories of what fun they had . Disney aside we took ours to all sorts of places at all ages .

Friends of mine attended a baby class and quickly stopped attending when it became clear their expectations and the reality of the class were different. They thought they were spending a little extra for a lovely sensory experience for their babies with a decent instructor doing some baby yoga/massage. In reality it was an expensive photo shoot with most of the session being wannabe Insta mummies using the sensory props to take endless photos.

Maybe this is where the argument is coming from - I’d hate that sort of atmosphere too, but I loved taking DS to sensory classes which were more like what your friend wanted. So somebody saying “all baby classes are a waste of time and just for the parents” would seem like a killjoy to me, because what I am envisioning (quality time with your baby) and what you are envisioning (Instagram) are so very different.

Exactly this. Why take them to Disneyland if they’re going to be cranky with the heat and sleep in the pushchair for large parts of it?

I think it’s parents who secretly want the occasion for themselves but don’t put the best interests of the child at heart. Would a one year old want a big noisy birthday party with lots of people, music and disruption? No they’d probably prefer playing nicely in a sandpit and then a nice quiet cuddle when they get tired.

Of course you can do what you like - but don’t pretend it’s for the child. Or do it when the child is going to appreciate it.

Doing special things with babies and v small children is more for the parents and establishing family approach. There’s nothing wrong with that and part of enjoying your children. But your children aren’t missing out if they aren’t done or if they don’t happen on the specific day.

I 100% agree with you. Baby groups are important because it gets you out of the house too and I think day trips/ holidays/ activities really help children's developing brains. It doesn't have to be an expensive activity but the more they experience the more their synapses/ neural pathways are laid down (I think that's the science anyway).

@berksandbeyond your kid remebers disney at age 3. Sure. I believe that. But boy woulf she have remember it better when she would have been6 or 7...

And I think thats the thing. You spend a shit ton of money on things. And she will only remember little things.

I am not saying dont do fun things with your kids. Not at all. But to a 3 year old a day in a soft play park is exactly the same amount of fun as Disney. And it costs you 600 euro less.. so yeah. Some things are better held off to later. When kids actually care and fully enjoy and actually make memories for life.

Unless you have money to spend like there is no tomorrow. Then of course .. spend it :) but most people don't . Sooo....

I never understand it either OP! All these events can be photographed/videoed. They won't remember them but we as parents will and they'll love to see the photos/video when they're older

Baby groups are only important if it's something the parent enjoys. I went once and hated every minute, never went again.

I still got out of the house, just never to baby groups.

And here are all the unnecessary comments like "don't pretend you're doing it for your child" We DO go to Disneyland Paris for our children, as toddlers they absolutely loved it, they both love rides, shows, parades and attractions and they have much preferred these trips to beach holidays as it's kept them busy and entertained (18mth DD was a nightmare round the pool in Salou) but at 15mths absolutely loved everything about Disneyland.

I would never ever dream of insulting where other people take their children on holiday but for some reason Disneyland attracts such mean comments and criticism. Why wouldn't I take our children when they both love it as much as we do.

The kids will enjoy it at the time even if they don’t remember a few years later, but that’s what photos & videos are for. I can’t remember yesterday, but I can remember stuff from a very early age.

I do think the whole #makingmemories thing is a bit arse-about-face. Surely you do things because you want to do them and because you'll enjoy them, not with the main purpose of looking back on them. Same with photos. I mean, photos are great. But sometimes it feels as if some people thimlnk that the record of your trip or event is the point of doing it.

I do also wonder what the alternative is - if you are not taking your child to Disney but are spending the days baking, in the playground, or dressing up with your child/playing shops etc, ok they are probably not missing out on anything.

But in plenty of other cases, the alternative is being stuck in front of the tv because the parents basically find spending time with their child pretty boring and are trying to excuse them avoiding it. My own DH is like this, so I know these parents exist.

@LolaSmiles Fine if you've got the money, but I wouldn't be too surprised if someone said that the full on birthday weekend extravaganza with balloon arches, £100+ custom cakes, and a room full of presents is more about the parents than the 2 year old.

Whats wrong with it being for the parents too though?

@UWhatNow I think it’s parents who secretly want the occasion for themselves but don’t put the best interests of the child at heart. Would a one year old want a big noisy birthday party with lots of people, music and disruption? No they’d probably prefer playing nicely in a sandpit and then a nice quiet cuddle when they get tired.

Thats a pretty narrow view though. My toddler is very social and loves being the centre of attention so had a ball at her 1st birthday party. Running around the garden with lots of other children, playing in the paddling pool, lots of balloons and lots of family and friends fawning over her and giving her treats and dancing.
She absolutely preferred that to playing quietly in a sandpit alone.

God some people are obsessed with applying their own experience to everyone else.

Maybe this is where the argument is coming from - I’d hate that sort of atmosphere too, but I loved taking DS to sensory classes which were more like what your friend wanted. So somebody saying “all baby classes are a waste of time and just for the parents” would seem like a killjoy to me, because what I am envisioning (quality time with your baby) and what you are envisioning (Instagram) are so very different.
Agree with you.

I think at some point the line is crossed from "this is something that is age appropriate and beneficial for the child" and "this is something a child might enjoy, but probably no more than many other things, and it's more about the adults making a statement about what sort of parents they are than it is the child".

For me, we chose not to do birthday parties for 1 and 2, but know some friends who did because they have extended family over. I'd never in a million years think my friends were all about the adults.
I do look at excessive parties for children that age with expensive custom cakes (for the obligatory photo), the cake smash (again for the photos and everyone else does it on social media), the balloon arches (terrible for the environment, not exactly safe for young children, but at least you get nice photos), and everything is all set up in such a way that it's fairly obvious that it's about the image the parents want to create. Will a 2 year old have had fun? Probably. Is it any more fun than my friends' 2 year olds? Probably not. The party was all about the parents.

Same with the stress I've seen people get into over making sure they're in the ticket queue for the region's most extortionate Christmas events. I'm sure their DC has a nice time, but not convinced it's any more of a nice time for a pre-schooler than many other things, and certainly wouldn't be worth the stress to me.

There's a lot of keeping up with the Jones' I think and one way people justify the stress and expense of things is to act like it's offering the children a better experience.