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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
x2boys · 23/04/2023 16:56

AngeloMysterioso · 23/04/2023 16:51

The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”.

By the sounds of things he was complaining, but not actually speaking to you. So YABU for that.

And by taking a disabled space you were depriving an actual disabled person of a space who could have needed equally if not more urgent access to A&E. So YABU for that as well.

Generally speaking im.very against people, abusing blue badge spaces ,as my child is disabled and he has a blue badge but in this particular situation ,what's more urgent than a life and death scenario?

PippaF2 · 23/04/2023 16:56

The disabled parking space - fine, yep I'd do the same.

Shouting at someone 'to get fucked' in an A&E waiting area - where I'm assuming they were lots of children and other people around - yeah it's pretty unreasonable and I'd be feeling pretty shame faced right now if I'd reacted like that. There's plenty of things you could have said to put him down without swearing.

But equally you were likely stressed and in a state, so forget it and move on.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 23/04/2023 16:56

I would have said a lot worse OP if it was me. Your poor DD, you must have been so scared

PortUmber · 23/04/2023 16:57

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

No, I think I would have done the same.

If my DD was very unwell, potentially life threatening - I would have parked anywhere to get her help.

A and E would have prioritised and your daughter would have been seen first as she was most in need.

You stood up for yourself.

I think preferably, I would have looked at him squarely in the eye and said : my daughter was very, very unwell. But I think that could very easy have come out as get fucked.

Glad your daughter is ok, and well done for protecting and looking after her.

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 16:57

AngeloMysterioso · 23/04/2023 16:51

The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”.

By the sounds of things he was complaining, but not actually speaking to you. So YABU for that.

And by taking a disabled space you were depriving an actual disabled person of a space who could have needed equally if not more urgent access to A&E. So YABU for that as well.

Seriously, in an emergency who is going to put the needs of a hypothetical stranger ahead of their own child? You are utterly mad.

ParkrunPlodder · 23/04/2023 16:57

ParkrunPlodder · 23/04/2023 16:55

😆. As if you have time to find those if you don’t already know about or where they are when you feel every second counts.

Oops! Meant to quote the pp who said that there are specific bays for emergency parking so op was being unreasonable.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 23/04/2023 16:58

You probably shouldn’t have swore but he certainly shouldn’t have been mouthing off, particularly when he’d seen the state of your poor dd when you brought her in. And yes, it’s not ideal parking in a disabled spot but it was far more important for you to get your dd to A&E than yo worry about where to leave your car. Yanbu and as the idiot bloke was far more out of order than you were, your clap back was completely understandable given what you’d been through.

I wouldn’t worry about it anymore. I hope your dd is on the mend and they get to the bottom of all this quickly.Flowers

Frabbits · 23/04/2023 16:59

Nah, fuck him, he totally deserved it and more.

And in a life and death situation who cares if you park in the wrong bay, apart from dickheads?

Sirzy · 23/04/2023 17:00

tonyele · 23/04/2023 16:49

There is nothing that says you can't swear at someone if they verbally attack you, swear words are not banned!

In general they don't achieve much, and turning the other way is usually the best approach.

If it had been a member of hospital staff that would be different.

He was a prick, you lost your temper, don't feel bad about it, just look after your DD

In most hospitals there will be rules that say such behaviour will lead to you being asked to leave the hospital. And rightly so as it’s not fair on anyone. They will have a zero tolerance approach to such things for the sake of everyone else.

drpet49 · 23/04/2023 17:00

NoTouch · 23/04/2023 16:54

I don't think many disabled people would begrudge anyone using a space in very exceptional live saving circumstances for a child as long as you moved it as soon as the emergency part was over and she was stable.

The guy never swore directly at you, he was a knob and voicing his frustration about waiting longer than someone else - if you really had to get involved in something that had nothing to do with you you should have spoken to him calmly about why (which tends to be more effective at putting these putting in their place) instead of going ape shit and swearing in a waiting room with other ill people and children, but it would have been even better to just eye roll and leave.

This

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 23/04/2023 17:00

Well yes your behaviour was unreasonable (swearing ) but stressful circumstances lead to unreasonable behaviour so just put it out of your mind, it's in the past.

x2boys · 23/04/2023 17:00

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 16:55

I think we have all been educated now to not call an ambulance unless there’s no other option and we can afford to wait for hours. In an emergency I’d assume that driving to hospital would be faster than trying to get an ambulance. Nowadays ambulances are only for people who aren’t in urgent need.

Show quote history

I can only speak from my experience ,but the ambulance and the paramedics were literally there in minutes ,it was also a life and death situation we only live a mile or so from the hospital but how else would I have got a collapsed 16 year old to hosputal.she's not a small lad either.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 23/04/2023 17:01

I would have been exactly the same.
An emergency is just that and whilst a lot on here might say you shouldn’t use the disabled bays, unless all disabled people arriving are having a life or death situation you were right to park there.
Perhaps put in a complaint about parking for emergencies.

x2boys · 23/04/2023 17:01

He,s*

dudsville · 23/04/2023 17:01

You met like with like, which means you both took the low road. Some folks do struggle to understand that emergency services aren't based on an orderly queue.

Raffington55 · 23/04/2023 17:02

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

No, I don't think so. You had had a fright an were stressed and the guy should have been bright enough to to know that it the doctor's call to make on who gets seen based on urgency. The only reason it would have been better to not get cross and sweat at the bloke is that you ended up creating more stress for yourself but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Glad your daughter is ok. Have you changed anything in your garden (if you have one) this week - cut down a tree, mowed grass etc? My 6 year old nephew gets this very reaction when things get changed outside - he never used to, it started all of a sudden when a tree was chopped down and the garden cleared. Just thought I'd mention it in case it's helpful.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 23/04/2023 17:02

glad to hear your dd is okay.

Some people just need to be told to get fucked OP!!

thedancingbear · 23/04/2023 17:02

Well done, OP. He's an arsehole. People need to stand up to men like this.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/04/2023 17:04

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/04/2023 16:36

DD is fine now

Have you even wondered how their child or emergency ended up? You sound incredibly selfish. But glad your child is OK.

Yes, you followed your instincts and it was probably quicker than an ambulance, but you have no right to be foul-mouthed to another worried parent. And you are definitely unreasonable for parking in a disabled bay!!! Why are you so entitled?

Here's another one who's either brain dead or on a massive wind up. 🤦🏻‍♀️ 🙄

Quveas · 23/04/2023 17:05

This is MN. So it's perfectly acceptable to park in disabled bays because you want / need to and disabled people really don't need to park in them anyway because most of the people with blue badges are frauds, scream foul abuse at people, and then blame everybody else for your poor standards of behaviour. Meanwhile, out in the real world... I am surprised the doctor didn't show you both the door. NHS staff have enough to do without pandering to adults who don't know how to behave. Or park.

Overthinkingnotdrinking · 23/04/2023 17:05

People here would only be happy if her child died of anaphylaxis while she was driving round looking for correct parking, then politely waited behind a child with a sprained ankle to let them know her kid was dead outside.

CatOnTheChair · 23/04/2023 17:05

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl I'm not going to comment on the actual AIBU, as you've had lots of varying feedback.
I will say, similar happened to my then 9 year old. I suspect it was a reaction to an ant bite, as he'd been outside and we had lots of ants (not uk). Very scary at the time, airways compromised, head to toe in hives. Steroids sorted it at the hospital, and we've not had a repeat in 5 years. It's just "one of those things". I do carry antihistamines with me now tho.

Mynameisntrelevant · 23/04/2023 17:06

I would have done the same. Does mean you were right but your dd comes first so park where you can. Some people in a&e go there like it's the Dr. So wouldn't worry!

Beetrootlover82 · 23/04/2023 17:07

tonyele · 23/04/2023 16:52

Bear in mind, the good people who work in A&E are used to seeing people at their emotional lowest ebb, in distress, in pain. They will be used to frayed tempers and a bit of potty mouthed language, forget about it.

Yes

so says something these these medical professionals did pick up the OP on her behaviour

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/04/2023 17:08

Quveas · 23/04/2023 17:05

This is MN. So it's perfectly acceptable to park in disabled bays because you want / need to and disabled people really don't need to park in them anyway because most of the people with blue badges are frauds, scream foul abuse at people, and then blame everybody else for your poor standards of behaviour. Meanwhile, out in the real world... I am surprised the doctor didn't show you both the door. NHS staff have enough to do without pandering to adults who don't know how to behave. Or park.

YES, IT'S PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO PARK IN A DISABLED BAY WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN A LIFE THREATENING SITUATION!!! FUCKING HELL!!!