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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
Lachimolala · 23/04/2023 16:42

cannaecookrisotto · 23/04/2023 16:39

Out of interest, are all these people calling op a dick for parking in a disabled space parents?

Boggling my mind.

Out of curiosity I’ve just asked my brother who is disabled and has a blue badge. He said he wouldn’t be bothered at all if someone had to use a disabled bay in that scenario. I think most BB holders would likely feel the same way in all honesty.

It’s not like she had time to think clearly or look for parking whilst her child’s airway was closing, she probably thought her child was dying. Who could possibly think logically or calmly in that situation? I know I couldn’t.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 23/04/2023 16:42

Yanbu. A child having anaphylaxis is terrifying and I'm speaking from experience.
He was being an absolute twat.

BeautifulWar · 23/04/2023 16:43

She had a short fuse because her daughter had almost died that morning. If that doesn't warrant a short fuse, I'm not sure what does

Amen to that.

Do people really think that trekking the moral high ground matters at that moment in time?

What if OP were a man and responded in the same way? Would taking the moral high ground be such a priority then, or is that reserved for women who are supposed to be 'swans' and let men swear at/about them and do nothing so they can stay 'classy'?

x2boys · 23/04/2023 16:43

yeahscience · 23/04/2023 16:12

Missing the point of the thread, but you really should have called an ambulance.

Anaphylactic shock is a life threatening emergency. Paramedics would have deployed medication at the scene and monitored her on the way to hospital. What would you have done if her airway swelled so much she stopped breathing whilst in the car.

If you had taken the appropriate action than the whole situation in A&E and with parking would have been avoided.

Yep, this ,I know we hear horror stories of ambulance waiting times but my son had a medical emergency a couple of months he was having a diabetic Ketoneacidosis, and collapsed at home,I called an ambulance and they were there within minutes,and they immediately diagnosed and started treatment.

Scousefab · 23/04/2023 16:44

Don’t sweat it! You saved your daughters life stuff what anyone else thinks of you! Super mum! she’s safe and well because of your quick actions! As far as the guy is concerned some people are just plain idiots. Hold your head up high!

lemonsqueezie · 23/04/2023 16:44

What an incredibly traumatic event OP. Well done for your reaction in the face of an unexpected true medical emergency. Don’t be hard on yourself, you will have been full of adrenaline and it will take some time for that to wear off and for the events of the morning to sink in Flowers

AbsoluteYawns · 23/04/2023 16:44

SnarkyBag · 23/04/2023 15:37

Oh and I see your point about parking in a disabled spot but it’s not ok to do that what if someone who had mobility difficulties had an equally urgent medical event and they had to park further away and try and walk?

This was absolute literal LIFE OR DEATH
OP had no other choice and wasn't thinking rationally.
OP I'm glad your DD is ok now. What an awful shock. The idiot in reception- sounded like he needed putting in his place.
Don't ponder him any more.

ThinWomansBrain · 23/04/2023 16:44

the car park is probably monitored and managed by an external company - the Doctors won't have anything to do with who gets fined for parking in the wrong place.
Did the twat with the teenage daughter who has a pimple have no understanding of what triage is for?

limitedperiodonly · 23/04/2023 16:45

these things happen

ittakes2 · 23/04/2023 16:45

Honestly, having on been on emergency and not so emergency sides of the situation - I would have been relieved my child had been seen and not sworn at a rude person on the way out. He was ignorant - you did not need be ignorant too. The busy staff ended up having to do more work just because you felt obliged to react to his stupid comment. Your daughter was thankfully OK - you should have left it.

Datafan55 · 23/04/2023 16:47

A 2hr wait in A&E is nothing!! We're very spoilt if we expect to be seen straight away when we aren't bleeding lots/not breathing etc etc. Most people would be cock-a-hoop to get to one and find out it was only 2hrs for lesser things.

Anaphylactic shock is definitely an emergency.

And I agree with PPs, some hospitals don't have drop-off parking outside A&E. At mine there used to be, but 1) they keep rearranging the bloody entrances so no one's got a bloody clue where to go and 2) it's normally full of a queue of waiting ambulances... I literally don't know where the nearest place to stop would be, let alone to park (ie if you're the driver trying to get a sick child in). The patient parking is a multi-storey that takes 10 minutes at best to get into and round.

Try and put it out of your head, it's not important.
Except maybe - much later - write to PALs with concerns about emergency parking, using today as as example.

Glad your daughter currently okay. Hope they get to the bottom of it (insects in the bedroom?).

x2boys · 23/04/2023 16:47

Lachimolala · 23/04/2023 16:42

Out of curiosity I’ve just asked my brother who is disabled and has a blue badge. He said he wouldn’t be bothered at all if someone had to use a disabled bay in that scenario. I think most BB holders would likely feel the same way in all honesty.

It’s not like she had time to think clearly or look for parking whilst her child’s airway was closing, she probably thought her child was dying. Who could possibly think logically or calmly in that situation? I know I couldn’t.

Show quote history

Generally speaking it annoys the hell.out of me when non blue badge holders park in blue badge spaces as my youngest son has a blue badge,however in the Op,s situation i. would have just parked anywhere if it's a matter between your child living o r dying I think.anyone would.

fryanddry · 23/04/2023 16:48

His behaviour was worse than yours , i hope he was waiting there all day

Floralnomad · 23/04/2023 16:48

It probably wasn’t your finest hour but in the grand scheme of the day who cares .

tonyele · 23/04/2023 16:49

There is nothing that says you can't swear at someone if they verbally attack you, swear words are not banned!

In general they don't achieve much, and turning the other way is usually the best approach.

If it had been a member of hospital staff that would be different.

He was a prick, you lost your temper, don't feel bad about it, just look after your DD

AngeloMysterioso · 23/04/2023 16:51

The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”.

By the sounds of things he was complaining, but not actually speaking to you. So YABU for that.

And by taking a disabled space you were depriving an actual disabled person of a space who could have needed equally if not more urgent access to A&E. So YABU for that as well.

tonyele · 23/04/2023 16:52

Bear in mind, the good people who work in A&E are used to seeing people at their emotional lowest ebb, in distress, in pain. They will be used to frayed tempers and a bit of potty mouthed language, forget about it.

Anaemiafog · 23/04/2023 16:53

I've done it several times. DS carries epi pens now but before he had them if he went into anaphylaxis I'd just scoop and run with him. It's the reason I stopped drinking so I knew I could always drive. I'd bypass everyone in A&E, literally throwing him into the arms of a nurse. This has saved his life on more than one occasion.

If you've never experienced it, you have no idea. That fear is palpable. I could get DS from door to door in less than five minutes, often breaking down once I knew he was in professional hands, also realising I'd be stood there in a onesie and wellies or something else embarrassing. At times like that all other thought goes out of the window. I'd have told him to fuck off too. You would always have been seen before him.

Suzi888 · 23/04/2023 16:53

Personally I would have ignored him. He was probably frustrated. He shouldn’t have said it. You shouldn’t have cussed. 🤦🏼‍♀️

At least your child was safe- that’s the main thing.

I feel sorry for the doc who had to get involved with parents squabbling!

NoTouch · 23/04/2023 16:54

I don't think many disabled people would begrudge anyone using a space in very exceptional live saving circumstances for a child as long as you moved it as soon as the emergency part was over and she was stable.

The guy never swore directly at you, he was a knob and voicing his frustration about waiting longer than someone else - if you really had to get involved in something that had nothing to do with you you should have spoken to him calmly about why (which tends to be more effective at putting these putting in their place) instead of going ape shit and swearing in a waiting room with other ill people and children, but it would have been even better to just eye roll and leave.

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 16:55

x2boys · 23/04/2023 16:43

Yep, this ,I know we hear horror stories of ambulance waiting times but my son had a medical emergency a couple of months he was having a diabetic Ketoneacidosis, and collapsed at home,I called an ambulance and they were there within minutes,and they immediately diagnosed and started treatment.

Show quote history

I think we have all been educated now to not call an ambulance unless there’s no other option and we can afford to wait for hours. In an emergency I’d assume that driving to hospital would be faster than trying to get an ambulance. Nowadays ambulances are only for people who aren’t in urgent need.

heartbroken22 · 23/04/2023 16:55

I'd expect anyone who thought their child was dying to behave the same way. Don't feel guilt or embarrassment. What if your daughter died?

Lachimolala · 23/04/2023 16:55

x2boys · 23/04/2023 16:47

Generally speaking it annoys the hell.out of me when non blue badge holders park in blue badge spaces as my youngest son has a blue badge,however in the Op,s situation i. would have just parked anywhere if it's a matter between your child living o r dying I think.anyone would.

Show quote history

Totally understandable, and I think most would agree with you!

I8toys · 23/04/2023 16:55

The sodding parking police! I remember the time my 2 year old son had suspected meningitis - doctor's surgery was near to the hospital and at my doctor's appointment, my doctor said to just get in the car and abandon it anywhere at the hospital because it was quicker than an ambulance. She looked quite worried tbh. I have no idea how I drove to the hospital but I managed to find a space. If I hadn't I would have parked absolutely anywhere. So anyone who hasn't experienced this cannot have any idea of the space your head gets into or judge.

ParkrunPlodder · 23/04/2023 16:55

😆. As if you have time to find those if you don’t already know about or where they are when you feel every second counts.