About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

The child could still die under the care of hcps. Imagine not being there because you were parking.

Pulling up and an emergency worker removing your child and then going to park is not the same as leaving your car parked for a prolonged period.

Who are these people waiting outside hospitals?! I’ve never seen one. They’re usually too busy on wards to fanny about outside in case someone needs to pull up and throw a child at them.

It’s just shit parenting too.

What would have someone in a car with a disabled person done if they were struggling to breathe?

I would have used the parent and child spaces

Yes, in the ambulance bay apparently which is definitely not blocking anything or inconveniencing anyone, someone as morally conscious as you would never do that.

Has it not dawned on you that for some of us this is the norm? We are used to it? And that we know preventing access could kill someone? A&E is not somewhere unfamiliar to us. Me moving my car somewhere safe isn’t going to place my child at risk. But it might stop someone else’s being at increased risk. So yes I moved it. And would again - although as said elsewhere I know not to drive them myself anymore.

Prevent access to a car that may not even exist, or stay with your dying child…hmm what to pick

You saw red in a very stressful situation. Don't give it a second thought, we've all been there. Hope your daughter is OK

There are none at this hospital.

And TBH I wasn’t thinking about an imaginary other person who needed the space, I was thinking of my DD. But I imagine they’d have blocked me in if need be.

They don’t let you stay in rescuss. So you wouldn’t be staying with your child.

OP, if you left your child - in anaphylactic shock - to go and find a parking space God knows where (you can do several laps around my local hospital’s massive car park and still need to park a 15 walk away in the surrounding streets), you’d have been told you couldn’t possibly love your child to leave their side for a split second.

I think if both you and your husband drove her there (but he was abroad), it would have been a bit different but this was not the case. You also had your other child who was clearly in distress.

That’s because you park in ambulance bays rather than parking spaces.

Don’t waste your time. It’s not really a question by the OP. They have decided they aren’t and anyone who disagrees is just wrong. I’m not sure I really understand the point of the post tbh.

some of the threads here recently it seems nobody cares about the disbaled anymore!

yanbu at all for parking in the disabled space, it was an emergency. YABU for swearing at that man. He was probably stressed out too. What you said was unnecessary, however I can understand how and why that could happen in those circumstances. You should have apologised for what you said and meant it though.

Wrong answer, you were supposed to head off looking for the child spaces (indefinitely as yours doesn’t have them), because….. well I’m not why to be honest. But yes you were supposed to do that and consider the imaginary disabled person choking who’s life is more valuable than your daughters at that point who should have also called an ambulance, as you should have, even though your a stones throw away. Whilst you’re at it though you should be thinking about less able bodied children who don’t have blue badges who may arrive in life threatening situations as your daughter sounds like she’s normally able bodied.

This thread is amazing. Properly mad. You thought your child was dying so parked close to the hospital, then stood up for yourself against an arsehole. I hope that daughter told him off too.

I wouldn’t leave it in a disabled bay either. I wouldn’t leave it anywhere that prevented access.

also if you want to be picky the legal definition of parked is a car that is still NOT for the purposes of dropping off or loading / unloading passengers. I have, as stated, never parked and technically outside the hospital where I go you are allowed to “off load” in an emergency which it is. I do not park. Ever.

so you can say what I did is the same. But it’s not.

I'd love to know where the other child was while OP was fighting and moving cars.

I honestly do, I've been my husbands carer for many years but that doesn't mean I can't have empathy for a woman who thinks her child might be dying. If there was one space to treat someone my husband would say treat the child, he's had 76 years and he would definitely say the child was a priority.

I think you were in a v stressful situation OP. One I have been on too - with another child in tow because DH was away. That other family were ignorant in their reaction to you. Of course you weren't queue jumping! And I'd have parked in the same way... you were probably virtually carrying/dragging two children with you.
One of my pet peeves in A&E is the way some families seem to treat it as an outing. There might be a teenager and two parents when one will do. I'm sure this doesn't help the smooth running of the dept.
In hindsight you oughtn't have sworn. But crikey you were provoked and under stress.

I definitely wasn’t unreasonable using the disabled spaces (and that wasn’t actually my AIBU) but can see I was a tit swearing at the bloke in the waiting room

When my DD is struggling to breathe, no I don’t care about ‘the disabled’

No it’s not because I didn’t park/pull up (which is just another term for parking) in an ambulance bay.

Hilarious that you think you didn’t prevent access.

With my mum and DD, as I’ve already said.