About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

Yes I understand that, my daughter died 4 months after that day.

‘you never know what other parents are dealing with’ 🥱 well we do because this is A&E, where patients are triaged so they know exactly what they’re dealing with and prioritise accordingly, some people are simply arseholes who feel entitled to front of the queue

Tree nut allergy mum here!
I am the mildest mannered person ever but after seeing your child gagging and going blue over a toilet bowl because they are a trace of cashew... I would happily tell him to get F**ed too!

Oh and when my son broke his arm aged 18 months at a soft play centre, we waited for 2 hours in A&E while he was in agony.

I didn’t seethe because other children were seen first. I thanked my lucky stars that he wasn’t as bad as other kids, not summer with jealousy

I would have reacted the same way tbh. Some people in a and e don’t realise people get seen quicker if it’s a more urgent emergency. A child not being able to breathe is more important than someone who is clearly well enough to scroll through their phone. But entitled pricks won’t understand this. Hopefully you’ve taught him to not be a passive aggressive arsehole in future

What? My child is in need of immediate treatment because they’ve got an immediate threat to life? When I watch my child being treated by over a dozen health care professionals because they are unresponsive? When my child is at such high risk they cannot even sit in a waiting room?

I have been there.

I’ve also been there with the child who tried to throw herself in front of incoming traffic.

I am very aware of the difference and sitting in the waiting room I’m very aware which child in that moment had more acute needs. Put it this way if you walked in and they said to you “we are so sorry it’s cancer” would you be relieved? No. Of course not. I am not dismissing mental health needs. I am, as I said, very aware of how terrifying and the reality of them but that doesn’t alter that any child being prioritised in A&E is the one at greater risk. And in that moment you should be glad.

I think telling him to get fucked is perfectly reasonable, bloody arse hole. I’ve been in a similar urgent situation with my daughter. My nearest parking spot was where the ambulances park, I got out of the car and screamed for help. I’d phoned for an ambulance but was told it would be hours.

the situation is so stressful, my husband works away as well and you just get on with it. It’s like a day out for some families I’m sure. I would have done exactly the same, I wouldn’t have apologised either, good for you. Hope they find out what triggered off the attack, my daughter is now under immunology, it’s bloody scary!

Jealousy...

No one is jealous of someone getting treated in A&E. People are just frustrated that their own loved ones have to wait hours. It had nothing to do with you, OP.

@rubadubdubascrubinahottub I'm sorry for your loss. Mental health services in the UK are beyond shit.

Which is horrific but it wasn’t because she wasn’t treated as a priority in A&E.

Exactly this.

a horrible experience for you, but...

They would see her as acute when trying to harm herself.
when she was calm, she is not in instant danger, and priority is given to those who are.

I am very aware of the difference and sitting in the waiting room I’m very aware which child in that moment had more acute needs. Put it this way if you walked in and they said to you “we are so sorry it’s cancer” would you be relieved? No. Of course not. I am not dismissing mental health needs. I am, as I said, very aware of how terrifying and the reality of them but that doesn’t alter that any child being prioritised in A&E is the one at greater risk. And in that moment you should be glad

Again, I never said anything about a child being prioritised, I said it is understandable that the other family was angry and pissed off. I know, at that moment in time, my child was dying before my eyes and my head, my heart and my emotions were the same as any other mother who's child is in danger. In my case I did lose my beautiful girl and all I meant was that you never know what any other family is going through and tempers get flared and people are on edge. I did not mean that OP's child should not have been seen first. I meant that the other family could have been in turmoil like I was and their reaction may not have been the best.

Would you in that moment ever sworn and had a go at the parent who’s child was immediately sick enough to be prioritised?

@BadNomad thank you x

Again, I was never saying the OP's child dis not deserve to be seen to straight away, I am talking about the mental state of the other family was understandable if they had been in the space I was in that day.

I may have said to my husband something like "Look, there are other kids being seen and we are still here". I would not have cursed or said it in front of another parent. I don't think the other family actually addressed the Op though, just made loud comments.

Well I have. So you would be wrong.

I’ve also been the person who had to park a complete strangers car because they weren’t able to get their child in to the hospital because all spaces had been taken up by non blue badge holders.

Then you’re incredibly insensitive and missing why those children are being seen first.

I parked in a disabled space at a&e yesterday. I had to drive DH, in agony with a dislocated shoulder and no pain meds as I was told there were no ambulances for 6-8 hours. Our a& e has 4 regular and 1 disabled space. The regular ones were full. I was as fast as possible but I'm not sure what else you're meant to do, it's not like he could walk if I parked elsewhere!

Hope your DD is OK now

I didn't say my girl died because she wasn't seen that day. I said that sometimes it is not always obvious what is going on with another family and how scared they are which makes them react in an irrational way.

That’s just isn’t it.

What is a priority…

the person threatening to jump off a bridge who’s coaxed down or the one who jumped.

A&E has to triage and prioritise. And letting people literally die so they can treat people who they actually cannot treat in that moment is absurd.

I give up explaining at this point.

Well, op is being told her outburst is perfectly understandable due to the stress she was under, despite her dd being fine at that point 🤷🏻‍♀️
And he didn't swear at her or "have a go at her", he was talking to his family.

Oh no I think her outburst was understandable due to the level of CFery of the guy in the waiting room. Nothing to do with stress. People like that should be called out because people like me who face it constantly rarely have the spoons to say anything. I wouldn’t have sworn but giving him a telling off - good on her.

Just know that for every eye roll and snidey comment those of us who are constantly in hospital break a little bit more. So thanks.

The man didn't say what he said because he thought his daughter should have taken priority, or that the OP's daughter wasn't a more serious case. He was just pointing out to HIS FAMILY that people have come, been seen, been treated and then left again, while his own daughter is still waiting to be seen. He is complaining about the wait. Nothing more. He was just using OP as an example in his complaint. He wasn't making a dig at her.

A&E don't care if you say "fuck" when you're speaking. But they won't tolerate you abusing them or other patients. This is why the OP was the one who got told off. She was the one who swore AT someone.