About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

Yes though. I would. Because parking in a disabled bay means you preventing someone access. It’s not there for you.

Firstly, I'm glad your child is now OK, BUT....

I'm sure you've already been told this but regardless of how bad your child was or how far away other parking spaces are, you were TOTALLY OUT OF ORDER by parking in a disabled space.

It's extremely irresponsible to expect someone who NEEDS AND IS ENTITLED TO use a disabled space to have to struggle (even more than they do every day anyway) to get into the hospital because of your perceived entitlement.

I'm surprised your car wasn't clamped, and actually hope you get a fine from the hospital's parking company.

OK if you were closer to the hospital than an ambulance coming was, and there’s no drop off - what would you do?

What would you have done then? If your child was struggling to breath?

He swore 1st so has a cheek complaining about your language- unfortunately you gave him a stick to beat you with.

Re the parking once dd was stabilised you should have moved the car but it isn't the end of the world imo.

I was that parent who was sitting there with a teenager flicking nonchalantly through leaflets on the table. I was also that parent who was still waiting while other children were being seen before us. I was livid, I was angry, I was bloody terrified because I had wrestled my daughter from the top window of our 3 story house because she wanted to kill herself. Looking at her there in that A&E you would never have known but I was losing my mind and she had already lost hers.
You never know what is going on in someone's life. I thought my daughter was going to die and you know that panic you felt..well I felt the exact same. We were treated like shit and left waiting for hours while others came and left so please try to think that maybe that other family was in turmoil too, it just wasn't so obvious.

I am definitely NOT troll hunting, I am just utterly baffled by the sheer lack of any common sense by a lot of replies. Why is so difficult for so many people to understand that a parent would dump their car in any available parking space to ensure they got their child, who was suffering from anaphylaxis, into A&E as quickly as possible?

Either they are trolling or are as thick as mince, so which is it?

As for the parking in a disabled space....I would have parked on the roof so YANBU.

I would still park further away. She was screaming in pain, that’s not struggling to breath that warrants removing access entirely.

Yanbu at all and those that voted you were are just mean spirited unsympathetic pearl clutchers.ignore them.
So glad your dd is better and I hope they find the cause so there are no further episodes.
Children are very resilient so try not to worry too much.🌈

And the hospital should implement emergency drop off bays imo

This is awful for you and I’m very aware of how frightening that situation is. But those kids going in first, it’s an immediate acute risk. Which isn’t the case for your daughter. Think of it this way, you who you were in that moment, if she had actually taken a step and was suffering from asphyxiation would you still think you take priority?

In the last year we’ve been to A&E 6 times. We never wait in the waiting room because he isn’t allowed, it’s too greater a risk. He has to be seen fast because he is at significant elevated risk. In A&E they see you based on the immediate risk. What else can they do?

Every single time we’ve been in I’ve been subjected to dirty looks and snide remarks. Do you know sad that makes me? That parents think somehow we are lucky?
It’s really gross.

Agreed!!!!

and I’m sure you can be forgiven for parking in a disabled spot given your daughter was fighting for breath

I am not saying she takes priority, I am saying I was scared and I was upset and I have every right to be, just like the OP. The OP was angry but so were the other parents. You never know what they are dealing with and just because the kid was scrolling through her phone means nothing. That was my point.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl
You did what you thought was right.
Hospital 2 minutes away ..... you absolutely did the right thing.
Parking in the nearest space apart from an ambulance space, again absolutely the right thing.
Moving your car when you got a chance, absolutely the right thing to do again.
The chap in a and e was probably worried/pissed off/no doubt an opinionated prat most of the time ..... and what you said to him was absolutely the right thing to do !!

FeltedDogs · Yesterday 15:39
Mumsnet is weird. Cut all contact with parents for sleeping during a sleepover but be expected to Google the hospital drop off arrangements and behave like a nice Boden mummy when child is near asphyxiated. Mum of the year on MN is an ever changing extreme.
THIS ⬆️ with bloomin great bells on!🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

. But those kids going in first, it’s an immediate acute risk. Which isn’t the case for your daughter

Well she actually broke away from us twice after 3 hours of sitting there and tried to run into the cars coming in.
They saw her as acute then.

@rubadubdubascrubinahottub

I'm sorry about what happened to your daughter and I hope she is better now, but did you conduct yourself the way that man did? Because OP wouldn't have said anything to him if he didn't antagonise her first.

The OP didn’t initiate anything. The other person did.

do you know what you should think when people go ahead? Ok so right now that child has bigger issues.

Bollocks would you.

If you would you’re a seriously shit parent and I’d question your bond.

Im sorry were you there? She was struggling to breathe and yelping in pain, I could tell she was in agony.

The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen

I did ask the nurses quite loudly as to when she would be seen because I knew the risk of her trying something increased as time went on.

The man did not actually address the OP but rather remarked to his family that OP had been seen to and leaving before his daughter was even looked at. OP was the one who escalated and shouted and swore directly to him. Both were disgruntled but a bit of understanding would not have gone amiss. His daughter is as important to him as her daughter is to her.
Him mentioning the parking was a dick move though.

But do you understand that my DD would have died if not immediately attended to? And presumably yours didn’t? That’s why HCPs triage.

do you know what you should think when people go ahead? Ok so right now that child has bigger issues

Wait till it happens to you..

My daughter was in a & e and seen first. Absolutely no complaints, just silent empathy. Cos, let’s face it - nobody wants the kid that needs to be seen immediately. The dad was an arse but maybe because he was worried.

So don’t you think triage is the right way to prioritise in A&E?

For all those asking after DD she is sitting up playing Mario Kart 😂 school tomorrow!