About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

But he clearly wasn't just expressing his frustration to his family, was he? He was looking at OP whilst loudly complaining and swearing. It sounds as if he intended most of the waiting room to hear.

Two wrongs don’t make a right though.

he was wrong. She was wrong. The combination of their actions will have made things harder for everyone else. Nobody wins and nobody gets a high ground.

I'm sure there's a reason there's pretty high security around A and E where I am. Waiting two hours in A and E seems like a dream compared to what I've usually seen though.

Not sure that it's equal, though. He was moaning from the moment he arrived, and clearly didn't want to accept that children who are more ill get priority. He swore at OP without any provocation from her. Does anyone really think OP would have reacted to him if he had kept his mouth shut?

His complaint was passively directed at staff, not OP. Haven't we all been in a situation where people who come in before us go straight through when we've been waiting hours? It's frustrating as, but it's just how it is.

I suspect, to onlookers, OP came off looking worse. Neither were right but it sounds like OP was more verbally aggressive and loud.

How do you know it was directed at staff? Many hospital waiting areas don't have any staff within hearing distance - they don't in our local hospital. Whether staff were there or not, he swore loudly and unprovoked about OP within her hearing and effectively said she had been unfairly favoured. If he thought for a moment he would have realised the only reason her child had gone through quickly was because she was dangerously ill, so that this was a particularly crass thing to say. It was also crass to assume that OP was leaving because her child had been treated - given that OP was on her own, it must have been pretty obvious that she had not. Suppose OP had been leaving because her child had died? Would his conduct have been OK in those circumstances?

His conduct was never okay. I don't think anyone has said it was.

Never seen a hospital without staff right there, but if you say they exist, you've obviously seen at least one where that is true. In my local A and E the staff are so 'there' you can hear each and every person being checked in and triaged. There's no privacy in the waiting and check in area. I hear every person's complaint and symptoms. Hence it would make sense with that kind of set up that comments said loudly about waiting were meant to be heard by staff.

No she parked there initially as her child was possibly dying and wasn't going to waste time looking for a space. Once the daughter was out of danger she was going to move the car. Not ridiculous, quite reasonable. Not every a&e has a drop off zone and there are circumstances where it's ok to park as OP has

I can't honestly believe some of the things I have just read and I have been on mumsnet for nearly a decade so I have read some pretty batshit stuff.

No parent would worry about the convenience of others while their child needed urgent medical treatment and I would seriously question their mental state or their bond with their child if they did.

I hope OP has logged off away from this nonsense, but if you are still here, well done for saving your child's life and for putting an entitled prick in his place.

I've seen more than one like this. Most recently, there was a zone where there were a couple of triage nurses working - it was so busy and noisy that they wouldn't really have heard much unless it was directed at them; after that people were directed through to different waiting areas where there were no staff, just occasionally a nurse or doctor came into to call the next patient through. The time before that in a different hospital, it was a very large waiting room with reception staff behind a screen, so again they wouldn't;t hear much about what was going on, let alone been able to do anything about it.

What has been noticeable the last couple of times I went to A&E was how very much busier it was than even before covid, so there was a constant hubbub. Someone sitting in the waiting room would really have to bellow if they specifically wanted staff to hear what they have to say.

If this man really only wanted to complain to staff, why would he not go up to the reception desk to do so? Why would he instead choose to moan loudly within the hearing of the distressed parent of an ill child that that parent had been unfairly favoured? There's also more than a hint of trying to whip up other waiting parents to resent her and make her life even more difficult.

My local A and E is one big waiting room with the check in area behind a screen, but it's a clear screen and doesn't shield any noise. The only people sent off to separate areas are the children who are sent to pediatric A and E. At least 2-3 burly security guards who I wouldn't want to mess with. You can hear everything because it's so quiet. People don't talk much, or are very quiet. Most people are on their phones. I'm there quite a bit with a chronically ill child. I hate A and E with a passion but it's necessary.

I suppose I was basing my observation off the context of my own waiting room, so that can make a difference.

I can honestly say I wouldn't have cared about such a comment. My kid was in safe hands and I was just passing through. Too bad for him. The only thing I care about in A and E is getting out.

DD has been discharged and we are home.

Still no idea about what the allergy is - we have appointments for allergy testing but it’s not immune system related (or highly unlikely).

Re the other man being spoken to - I have no idea. I told them what he said first but no idea if that means he was reprimanded too.

OP: AIBU? some people respond yes, YABU.
OP: No I'm not.

Why post on AIBU if you so clearly believe that you are being reasonable OP?

Everyone involved was unreasonable.

I told them what he said first but no idea if that means he was reprimanded too
Why would he have been?

You went on the attack; he wasn't even speaking to you. You're determined to see him as the villain of the piece when you were the one screeching like a harpy, it's quite astounding.

We have multiple blue badges in the family. To be clear, we are all fine with someone parking in an accessible space when their child might actually die if they park further away.
I don't know for sure but I'd put money on pretty much everyone with a BB agreeing with me. Any who don't can fuck right off anyway, because it is obvious that OP did the right thing.

But then I once kicked a man in A&E when he tried to block me while I was carrying my unconcious and possibly dying child in my arms. Not sorry.

This basically.

I've thought that too but in a real emergency I'd do as the OP did and park the car wherever was sodding available. There are never any spaces in our hospital car park anyhow so if I thought my child was seriously ill I wouldn't be dicking around queueing for one when there was empty disabled bays.

OP, you were probably being slightly unreasonable, but given the circumstances I would have done exactly the same as you and wouldn't care if I was being unreasonable or not!

Because it's a discussion board and OP is allowed to ask for other people's opinions even if she thinks she's not being unreasonable. Most people who post in AIBU already know what side of the fence they are sitting on...jeez.

"The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”."

Seems like the dad was speaking to OP.

I would have done exactly the same. Fuck him.

No, it really doesn't 🤦‍♀️ Unless you have a very tenuous grasp of the English language.

All these people saying YABU to park in the disabled bay. You know what? If this were me and my child was in mortal danger I'd have fucked the car through the glass doors to A&E and left it there in a heartbeat. There are times when general societal rules and norms go out the window, and thinking that your child may die is one of them.

If you are looking directly at someone and you say something about them, the fact that they used the third person doesn't change the fact that it was very obviously directed at the OP.

🙄

Unless you have a very tenious grasp of how social interaction works.

A few years ago I had a similar situation - rage filled man demanding to know why I had got seen before him. I simply said that it was because of my "NHS Gold Card" and that if he wanted similar levels of service then he should put his money where his very loud mouth was and stump up for one.

Aggressive twat goes around looking for a fight then gets the sulks when he finds one, lol.

Maybe in future he'll develop some strategies to manage his stress that go beyond dropping the f-bomb loudly about a stranger leaving an emergency room without the child that she arrived with. What a tool, I'm glad you told him to get fucked.

Well you are making stuff up.now ,he was complaining loudly to.his own family he was,nt,trying to pick a fight ,A&E,s are stressful places ,having recently had my own son go.through a medical emergency,it's understandable people are at the end of their tether,and may appear irate.