About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

I think the disabled parking is understandable and acceptable in the circumstances. Once your daughter was in the care of staff it could maybe have been moved sooner, but I understand if it just didn't cross your mind.

Swearing at the man is not acceptable. I'd have just ignored him and walked past. It was for the staff to explain they have a triage system and more severe cases will always take priority. Of course you were spoken to by staff about it. This sort of thing can escalate rapidly and this is a staff and patient safety issue.

I have a severely disabled DD and I’m normally a Blue Badge Nazi but YANBU!

Time was of the essence and with anaphylactic shock its life and death. You did the right thing.

Thank heavens she is doing well. I hope they find out the trigger.

The dad was probably also very stressed and we must hope not his best self. He was aggressive and out of order but I’d try to forget it.

You probably shouldn’t have sworn at him (though I totally get why you did). I would have told him to google triage and learn what it means, then continue on my way.

I had to drive dd to hospital in an emergency and was directed by the security guard to park in the disabled park as there were no other parks available close enough. So I don’t think you were unreasonable in the circumstances to park there.

How about dead, does dead count?

The pearl clutching about swearing on this thread is hilarious. Oh no, goodness gracious me, she had the temerity to SWEAR at some bloke who tried to passively aggressively have a go at her just after her child could have died, all because he was too stupid to understand that A&E treats people according to severity and not on a first come first served basis.

You were absolutely right to park in the disabled space in this situation, ignore anybody who says otherwise! People are ridiculous, in the case of an emergency, you do what you can to get help ASAP. It’s just common sense, and shouldn’t be argued.

With regards to the man, he sounds like a rude arsehole. Even if he is frustrated at the wait time, he has no right to take it out on your situation, shouting towards you as you walk past. It’s common sense that people are triaged in order of need, not arrival. Thus, I don’t blame you for having a go at him, some people need to be told. It’s hard to be calm when someone is riling you up the wrong way. Hope your daughter is okay. It was his fault imo, hopefully his daughter is okay now too.

I hope you and dd got some rest last night and you get some answers to her tests soon. Parking in the disabled bay in an emergency isn't an issue. Hospitals take a very strict view on aggressive behaviour so while you were provoked by this other parent unfortunately your response was unacceptable as far as they were concerned. Having said that I think many of us having been so scared about their child would have reacted the way you did. I probably would have and I'd feel awful afterwards. Forget about it

I wonder if the man in question would have been so loud and judgey if it had been your husband rushing her through? Probably not.

Yeah in an ideal world you probably would have either ignored him or responded in a more dignified way. But yanbu because sometimes people like this simply need to be told to fuck off.

Funny how it's always women who are expected to keep a dignified silence isn't it, and not the man who started on a woman - even if it was in a passive aggressive way?

Maybe if more women told men like that to fuck off, they'd think twice.

And the man's response says it all: 'you can't talk to me like that'. Oh yeah, because you're a big, aggressive man who's allowed to say whatever you like and use whatever bad language you feel like to be intimidating, but wimmin are supposed to be passive and take that shit?

OP was asking about her behaviour, and that's what people have commented on. The man is just as out of line.

I just cannot get over the posters who are berating OP about the disabled parking space. I'm a compliant, rule-following person who would never normally park in a disabled space but I mean you need to be staggeringly thick not to realise that a time critical medical emergency like anaphylaxis, which can be worsened by exertion like walking, means you dump your car as close as possible to the doors and run in, regardless of what kind of space it is.

Yanbu. He swore first, why did only you get told off for swearing?

Sure but there are ways of doing it while keeping your dignity. Then you’re still in the right.

Understandable but probably unwise to have responded in any way. I always take the attitude of rising above aggravations like that man.

And I imagine he might have been as worried about his DD as you were about yours.

You shouldn’t make assumptions about his DD, just as he shouldn’t have made assumptions about yours.

I hope your DD is recovering and you find what triggered the anaphylaxis.

Dignity aside

It is about considering the other highly anxious and worried parents with poorly children in the waiting room who had to witness two adults swearing and shouting.

It was thoughtless of the OP.

The hospital should really have told off the other family. It's outrageous to have a go at a parent just because they see her walk through A&E after a fairly short time. What if the next parent they choose to moan at is leaving because her child has died?

In my recent experience of A&E, I'd be really quite pleased to be told the waiting time was only two hours.

The fact that this doctor and hospital picked up the OP on her behaviour would indicate that the Op has perhaps underplayed her reaction.
Unless of course you think this doctor and his colleagues are all thick and spineless. And I’m not inclined to think that

Do we know the other guy wasn't spoken to about his behaviour? I bet security in the area were on high alert. This sort of thing has to be nipped in the bud. If it escalated, a brawl in A and E would be a hazard to staff and patients. A and E security staff where I am always seem to be extremely vigilant.

YANBU I can remember abadonding my car outside of A&E when my son was about 18 months old, running in the buidling crying for help and bypassing a massive queue. When your child can't breath getting them hellp quickly is more important than where you park your car (and no i wouldn't ever normally park where I shouldn't).

This...

Very true. Learn to keep a lid on that temper.

@Beetrootlover82 think the other parent who was moaning op was seen first should have kept a lid on his temper first instead of picking on others. What a twit.

To be fair, just expressing his frustration to his family was far less 'kicking off' than the OP.

No doubt about that.

But I remember how distressing it was when I was in a&e with my toddler, very anxious, and two adults kicked off shouting at each other. Frightened my toddler and unsettled me

I agree. And it was the job of the staff to explain about how A and E works to him. I'd just have smiled at him, after all, I'm not in charge and that's just how it worked out. I can't get worked up about a stranger feeling hard done by when it was justified my daughter got seen first. I'm willing to bet something was said to him.