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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 18:27

Lachimolala · 23/04/2023 16:42

Out of curiosity I’ve just asked my brother who is disabled and has a blue badge. He said he wouldn’t be bothered at all if someone had to use a disabled bay in that scenario. I think most BB holders would likely feel the same way in all honesty.

It’s not like she had time to think clearly or look for parking whilst her child’s airway was closing, she probably thought her child was dying. Who could possibly think logically or calmly in that situation? I know I couldn’t.

I really wasn’t.

I gave the hospital the wrong age too when we first arrived and said she was 10. She isn’t. I don’t think I was thinking straight.

OP posts:
chocspot · 23/04/2023 18:29

Everyone knows people aren't seen in order of arrival in A&E, it's in order of need. It's awful having to wait but they should feel grateful that their DD wasn't so poorly they needed rushing through like your DD was. Probably shouldn't have sworn at him but plenty of others would have done the same!

I don't think you should be hard on yourself here, it's a stressful situation and none of us really know how we might react.

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 23/04/2023 18:30

PetulaDark · 23/04/2023 17:48

“Not all” disabled people. So “some” is ok?

Heres a tip. If your child is actually dying, you call an ambulance. They have life saving equipment on board so they can be treated more quickly than if you drive them to hospital. And you are not likely to crash your car while you try and keep them alive.

I can't imagine many disabled people would be annoyed at op possibly saving her child from dying.

they can be treated more quickly than if you drive them to hospital.
Do you know that? I live a 2 minute drive from a and e. I'd probably not bet on paramedics being free and wasting that 2 mins on a call if I can get her there fast.

yeahscience · 23/04/2023 18:31

Ringing emergency number isn't just about getting an ambulance, they can give you instructions which could save someone's life. For example I had a heart attack 6 weeks ago, call handler was able to instruct me to take high dose aspirin immediately, which may have contributed to my good outcome. They stayed on phone until crew arrived, who took less than 10 minutes.

You put your DD into a much more dangerous situation, and could have potentially delayed her treatment. Plus what if there was no disabled bays to park in? Or you crashed due to the panic? You got lucky.

I have received training for children experiencing a suspected allergic reaction. If a suspected attack happens, you immediately call 999, and absolutely do not move them, or leave them alone. A child in a car without another adult present is not being monitored and effectively alone. This advice would be the same for children known to have allergies and have an epipen.

notanotherdayofthisshit · 23/04/2023 18:32

@Beetrootlover82

You've spectacularly missed my point 🙄

You are the one looking up OP's other threads and taking note of comments she's made about her mother. That's just a weird level of investment.

HamBone · 23/04/2023 18:32

Don’t beat yourself up about this, OP. No, you shouldn’t have parked in a disabled bay, but seeing a child in anaphylactic shock is terrifying-my friend’s child once did- and you do whatever necessary to get them medical attention. It was an emergency situation.

As for Mr. Nosey Parker, he should’ve known better than to confront anyone else in A & E -people are there for medical emergencies and others have no idea what’s happening. Few people could’ve kept their tempers in that situation.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 18:36

Beetrootlover82 · 23/04/2023 17:11

According to your other thread about your passive aggressive mum with whom who never go to for support, I take it that when you said Definitely will never ever be leaving them alone together, ever re your mum and DD… you weren’t being serious

In this situation where DD is in hospital with medical staff around her and I need to sort DS childcare I decided to make a temporary exception 🙄thought I’d let you know since your desperation to catch me out is so prevelant.

OP posts:
HamBone · 23/04/2023 18:38

Re. Ambulances. I can’t be the only person who’s seen reports of massive wait times for ambulances in recent months, with many trusts begging people to try and find other means of transport? Why would you call an ambulance for a two-minute drive?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 18:39

PetulaDark · 23/04/2023 17:48

“Not all” disabled people. So “some” is ok?

Heres a tip. If your child is actually dying, you call an ambulance. They have life saving equipment on board so they can be treated more quickly than if you drive them to hospital. And you are not likely to crash your car while you try and keep them alive.

If you saw where I lived you’d think it was ridiculous to call an ambulance.

OP posts:
Withthemonsters · 23/04/2023 18:40

I’m a paramedic, I would have done exactly the same thing in your situation given how close you were to the hospital.
Anaphylaxis would have been triaged as a Category 1 call - the highest priority but depending on where the nearest ambulances were in your area at the time and how many were available, you could have easily still been waiting 15, 20 minutes or more, by which time you were already at the hospital receiving treatment
100% you did exactly the right thing.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 23/04/2023 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If she didn't know where these bays were, how long would you expect her to drive around looking for the appropriate bay to park in while her daughter was in anaphylactic shock?

HamBone · 23/04/2023 18:41

Don’t rise to the critics, OP. I live a mile from a hospital and I’d do the same in your situation. I could get there far quicker than the ambulance.

Lemonyfuckit · 23/04/2023 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jesus get over yourself. Re the parking: I imagine in the panic and heat of the moment the OP just needed to get in. Not everyone is familiar with the layout of the car park and I think it's forgivable that OP probably didn't know about that, just pulled up in the closest free space she saw.

Re the swearing - frankly he swore first and was being a knob. I don't see why someone should take the high road frankly, again in a stressful situation where someone is being an arsehole why can't she tell him to get fucked?

Look I'm not an aggressive person and don't go around in general swearing at people, but sometimes yes in response to someone else's behaviour why not. He was being a jerk, and should have just minded his own business.

I hope your DD is ok.

liste · 23/04/2023 18:43

Do people really think that a child should die so that a disabled person doesn't miss their appointment? What am I reading?

YANBU OP.

If someone told you that they rushed their anaphylactic child to
hospital but couldn't find a space in time, and didn't want to park in the disabled spot without a blue badge, so the child died, you'd think their behaviour was insane right? Of course you should park anywhere you physically can. A child was literally in immediate danger of death.

I can only assume that a lot of people on the thread don't know what anaphylaxis is.

Deary me. I really wouldn't want some of these posters around if I was having a medical emergency.

Sirzy · 23/04/2023 18:44

You replies do seem to suggest your not willing to accept your unreasonableness in your response to another stressed parent when your child was thankfully stable.

two wrongs don’t make a right

Xrays · 23/04/2023 18:44

liste · 23/04/2023 18:43

Do people really think that a child should die so that a disabled person doesn't miss their appointment? What am I reading?

YANBU OP.

If someone told you that they rushed their anaphylactic child to
hospital but couldn't find a space in time, and didn't want to park in the disabled spot without a blue badge, so the child died, you'd think their behaviour was insane right? Of course you should park anywhere you physically can. A child was literally in immediate danger of death.

I can only assume that a lot of people on the thread don't know what anaphylaxis is.

Deary me. I really wouldn't want some of these posters around if I was having a medical emergency.

Quite.

Nimbostratus100 · 23/04/2023 18:45

PetulaDark · 23/04/2023 17:48

“Not all” disabled people. So “some” is ok?

Heres a tip. If your child is actually dying, you call an ambulance. They have life saving equipment on board so they can be treated more quickly than if you drive them to hospital. And you are not likely to crash your car while you try and keep them alive.

that would be pretty stupid if the hospital is 2 minutes away

Nimbostratus100 · 23/04/2023 18:45

absolutely no parking laws apply in a life and death situation

LadyKenya · 23/04/2023 18:47

Sirzy · 23/04/2023 18:44

You replies do seem to suggest your not willing to accept your unreasonableness in your response to another stressed parent when your child was thankfully stable.

two wrongs don’t make a right

Have you seen the OP username. That would explain it.

TruffleShuffles · 23/04/2023 19:01

YANBU OP, some people just need telling to fuck off. Judging by some of the responses on this thread it clearly doesn’t happen enough.

9outof10cats · 23/04/2023 19:04

I think I would have spoken to that man in exactly the same way in those circumstances. In ED, people are seen in order of medical priority, not on a first-come, firsts serve basis, so that man was being a twat.

I am generally polite, as I hate rudeness of any kind. However, when I feel I have been spoken to inappropriately, I can snap and respond in a manner I do not particularly like (which doesn't often happen). Afterwards, I feel guilty and ashamed and chastise myself for not being the 'better person'.

Try not to dwell on it; your daughter is fine, which is the only thing that matters.

Billben · 23/04/2023 19:09

you can’t speak to me like that”

Why do some people say this stupid line all the time? Makes them look like a right twat. People CAN talk to you the way they want.

OP, you’ve done nothing wrong in my eye.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 23/04/2023 19:14

I have only read all of your posts @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl, so my reply might be irrelevant by now. However, as a wheelchair bound person I get very angry when lazy people park in disabled bays. I would not have been angry at you. I am a mother, and now also a grandmother, and at the end of the day, our own offspring are the most important people in the world to us, so when they are in a potentially life risking situation, they will always come first.

Your DD could have stopped breathing completely at any given second, and her life is definitely more important than mine - a woman in her 60's. Of course it could have been that a disabled child turned up 3 minutes after you, and was also in a life threatening condition, in that case they would have been just as entitled to that parking place, maybe even more so. But you were right there, right then, with a dire emergency on your hands, so of course you took the first available space. If I had been you I would have probably been even worse, and driven right up to the A&E's front doors - of course once my child was in the safe hands of a Dr, and once I knew they weren't about to die, I would have gone straight out and moved my car, and if it had somehow been towed away in the meantime, although I am poor, I would have happily paid any fine!

As for responding to the man in the way you did, you were probably being unreasonable because you said it was an hour later, so you already knew that your DD was not in imminent danger of dying anymore, so I think that maybe you didn't need to use the swear words, especially ones that are still particularly unpleasant for any children in the waiting room to hear. I like to think that I would have said something like:

"As you were obviously aware that my DC was treated straight away, did it not cross your tiny ignorant mind that maybe she was in a very dangerous condition? And as your DC has still not been treated, I can only presume that they are not in an imminently dangerous situation? Of course I am very sorry for anyone, but particularly children, who have to attend A&E, so I hope that your child gets seen very quickly now".

Ok, I didn't say I would have been polite - especially as his child was almost certainly not in a life threatening condition, otherwise he or she would have hopefully already been seen! Therefore I think that he did need to have it pointed out to him just how stupid and unreasonable he was being!

As for the pp who said that you should have called an ambulance, in your circumstances that would have been absolutely ridiculous 🙄 Just getting through to the correct part of 999 would have taken at least one minute, then you would have had to give your address and a summary of what the problem was, then, even if there was an ambulance ready to come straight away - and that is a very big IF - even if it was just 2 minutes away at the hospital, by the time it got to you, and they got out of the ambulance and in to see your DD, you would have already been at the hospital, and your DD would have already had a shot of adrenaline! Sometimes not waiting for an ambulance is the right thing to do.

I hope that they can quickly find out what caused that reaction in your DD OP, and that it is something easy to guard against. I am so glad that she is feeling better in herself, and please try to forget all about that unpleasant incident, the man certainly seems to be a prat!

Womencanlift · 23/04/2023 19:15

Sirzy · 23/04/2023 18:44

You replies do seem to suggest your not willing to accept your unreasonableness in your response to another stressed parent when your child was thankfully stable.

two wrongs don’t make a right

This! No idea why the OP posted when they quite obviously feel they are right and unwilling to listen to other points of view.

She is the only parent allowed to be stressed about their child apparently. Would be interesting to hear the other parent’s point of view

QuintanaRoo · 23/04/2023 19:17

LadyKenya · 23/04/2023 18:47

Have you seen the OP username. That would explain it.

It’s actually from Pride and Prejudice I believe. OP has explained this on a previous thread. Just stuck in my mind as I love P&P.