To be embarrassed no one said hello?

[marriage23]

Moved into a new home and residents have a private Facebook group which I joined. I posted on there that I just moved in with my family and nice to meet everyone. Not one person responded! It’s viewed by over 50 people but not one “welcome to the neighbourhood”. I didn’t think much of it but since my post there’s been at least 5 other posts where there’s been tons of responses such as people posting pictures of the sky, their garden, foxes coming into the development etc. etc. and been tons of replies! Am I BU to be slightly upset? It’s been 5 weeks since I posted.

it’s a privated gated community. I was looking so forward to moving in as I was sold with EA and previous owners saying it’s very sociable and there’s get-togethers every week.

I've always imagined the type of people who probably move into these 'private gated communities' are going to be unfriendly, unsocial and misanthropic so I'm not surprised at all that they've been unwelcoming.

You've moved into a private, gated 'community', cutting off the rest of the world and wonder why other residents aren't rushing to welcome you?

I was thinking the same thing.

People are weird, I bet if one person replies then all 50 will but no-one wants to be the first. It's not personal, just the weird psychology of social media.

I wouldn’t see this as a good omen tbh but keep an open mind.

Yes there is a good chance it’s this!

'Charlize43 · Today 11:48
I've always imagined the type of people who probably move into these 'private gated communities' are going to be unfriendly, unsocial and misanthropic so I'm not surprised at all that they've been unwelcoming.'

That's interesting. I always viewed them as being famous, or very rich, and enjoying privacy, and feeling safe.

We have a Facebook group for our new houses when we moved in. Now all it’s filled with are problems the developer left for us.

It really is.

Why should she, what if they don't respond she will then feel doubly upset
It's normal for new people to be welcomed.

I wouldn't worry about it op don't delete though.

You'll get your answer if you see them in person.

The tyrant in me would post

’Hellllooooo…. Anyone out there? We posted to say hello and no one replied. I thought we had joined a friendly community’

But she moved into a neighbourhood - not a Facebook group!

why would you go online and be passive aggressive to your neighbours who you see in real life every day!

Has society got this bad that people will live within spitting distance of each other and can only make introductions online?

how did OP find out about the Facebook group? Is she sure her posts can be seen? Do the people even know she is really a resident?

speak to people in real life! Don’t start some weird passive aggressive ear online with your new neighbours!!

Don’t overthink it.

community takes time. It doesn’t happen from move in day and one Facebook post. It will take time (months, years) for you to become embedded in the community to the extent the former owner was. Some communities open up quickly, some much more slowly. It’s not rude one way or the other. It’s just different.

it sounds like this community moves a bit more slowly. And maybe looks to get to know one another in person before getting chatty on FB.

Keep an eye out for community events: is there anything planned for coronation weekend? Say hello on the street. And I agree about posting for practical things like recommendations for local handymen etc…

Finally, assuming you’re not actually living in a war zone, people who choose to live behind gates aren’t generally characterised by their ‘hail fellow well met’ attitude.

A very good point.

Not to derail the thread but I am really interested in why people are attracted to gated communities in the UK.

I have briefly lived in one in Canada. The advantage was the shared facilities - a pool, a lake with docks and some running/cycle paths. You paid extra towards the upkeep but the gated element meant they were exclusively for the use of residents.

the disadvantages were problems with deliveries, inconvenience for getting guests access and of course the monthly fees. Crime wasn’t a huge issue in the area / I suppose all vehicle access needed a code so burglaries might have been less likely.

but the advantages in the UK seem a lot less.

No hun I meant the person whose house you now live in, sorry for the confusion

What did you actually say in your post? Can you write it out here (taking away any identifying bits of course)?

I'd say it totally depends on the message you actually wrote.

Just move on and interact on the other posts. Be friendly, warm etc and let the number of likes and responses slide by. It’s not a popularity contest. Yes it’s a pity no one commented etc but let it go. :)

Maybe it's FB algorithms that didn't bring it up in their feed?

I was thinking this, I often don't see posts for a couple of days.

In our area, and having met some of the people who live in the one near us, it’s a sense of superiority. It’s a lovely area, and absolutely no need to lock yourself away for safety etc.

We often hear one of the residents shouting at delivery drivers about how expensive the gates are etc etc so don’t touch them. Don’t buzz for the wrong house. Arguments within the gated community about parking etc.

@Derbee

it’s a sense of superiority.

I don’t agree with this! I certainly don’t feel more superior than others. It’s the house we loved. We didn’t go actively looking at gated properties only. The house is amazing plus gated community feels more safer and it’s definitely more peaceful than all the places I’ve lived before. Imagine having no cars driving around your street all the time! Obviously people do drive here but just to get to their own driveway and out. I do t believe people live in gated communities for the reasons you and others have listed. It’s just stereotyping people and that’s not nice in my opinion.

By your own admission, you feel safer and you like the peace of not having the general public driving near your house. You’re exactly the demographic that gated communities appeal to?…

Give it a bit of time, and you’ll start finding it annoying if neighbours leave their bins in the wrong place/out too long/don’t wait for the gates to fully open and risk damaging them/get home too late/have parties that are too loud/give their cleaner or window cleaner the gate code etc etc.

It breeds a a sense of superiority and aloofness towards others.

Certainly in Canada the gated community thing did bring with it a sense of superiority because of the exclusive access to the pool etc. there was a suspicion of unfamiliar faces - who are they and do they belong in our pool! I can imagine now there would be a WhatsApp group reporting number plates of ‘suspicious’ vans etc! There was also a status thing about rented or owned. I remember a neighbour shouting at me and my cousins for something and my aunt saying ‘what right does he have - he rents’.

.

By that was 25 years ago in a different country.

OP talk to your neighbours- it’s a beautiful day - go out and do some gardening or walk around the neighbourhood- talk to at least one person:

In your OP, you are upset that not a single person replied to your Facebook post to welcome you to the community.

Being welcoming of strangers is not one of the strong points of those who choose gated communities. One of the main reasons they choose to live behind gates is to keep strangers at bay.

My (limited) experience is people in gated communities are wary of outsiders but like people Who are in their ‘club’.

it depends how large this community is - I lived in a fairy large one (about a hundred houses) and cliques did appear. But it those inside versus those outside!

I think OP will be fine once she has chatted to a few people in person.