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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed no one said hello?

147 replies

marriage23 · 23/04/2023 09:02

Moved into a new home and residents have a private Facebook group which I joined. I posted on there that I just moved in with my family and nice to meet everyone. Not one person responded! It’s viewed by over 50 people but not one “welcome to the neighbourhood”. I didn’t think much of it but since my post there’s been at least 5 other posts where there’s been tons of responses such as people posting pictures of the sky, their garden, foxes coming into the development etc. etc. and been tons of replies! Am I BU to be slightly upset? It’s been 5 weeks since I posted.

it’s a privated gated community. I was looking so forward to moving in as I was sold with EA and previous owners saying it’s very sociable and there’s get-togethers every week.

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 23/04/2023 09:49

do you have a dog?
do you go out locally on foot?

do you have local shops?
is there anything going on for the coronation?
is there a pub?

InSpainTheRain · 23/04/2023 09:49

I wouldn't be embarrassed about it and it does seem rude. But I wonder if perhaps the group admin may have overlooked your post and didn't approve it or for other reason ppl didn't see it.

If it was a group of a few people then yiu could say they may be unwelcoming and deliberately ignored it to be in a clique but if there is 50 it's unlikely no one says anything. I'd not give it headrace and assume they didn't see it.

HeidiIou · 23/04/2023 09:50

I wouldnt bump the post, I think that could make for a frosty start. But I'd possibly think about leaving the group and just see if any friendships happen naturally instead.

matisses6fingers · 23/04/2023 09:51

iamjustwinginglife · 23/04/2023 09:12

Is it possible that by mentioning get together to in your post, that they think you're being presumptuous and inviting yourself along?

Surely the whole point of it is when you join the neighbourhood you can come along to the gatherings 🤔

I think they’ve been rude op

Original poster
marriage23 · 23/04/2023 09:51

I’d just keep chipping away. Comment on things in the group that others post.
It absolutely is unfriendly, but you live there now, so I’d just carry on 🙂

That’s good advice thank you!

I think as one PP you feel vulnerable after moving as it’s stressful. I agree I do feel very vulnerable and alone right now. Marriage is not in a good place. Just a brief hello from new neighbours would have been enough to make me think actually life isn’t all that bad. My MH is low and I feel everyone hates me lol! Just a quick hello would have made me feel not so low. I know it’s a lot to put out there but I wouldn’t have ignored a hello from new neighbour as we all know what it feels like to move into a new place.

OP posts:
baloosbaloos · 23/04/2023 09:54

Lots of weird answers you’re getting here 😂 you haven’t done anything wrong and it’s not worth stressing about. You certainly shouldn’t be embarrassed. They’ve dropped the ball on not replying but social media is not actually that important. As others have said the algorithm has probably buried your post now and it’s been forgotten. Carry on as you usually would and don’t give it a second thought. Congratulations on your move! 💐

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 09:56

mumofgirls87 · 23/04/2023 09:43

Rude. If that was me I'd post a comment underneath saying BUMP (bring up my post) then if Still nothing, just leave the group.

Oh no don't do that!

Angebot · 23/04/2023 09:56

marriage23 · 23/04/2023 09:33

How did you behave during the buying process?

no didn’t mess them around. Gave asking price. We were desperate to move and they were desperate to move so it was mutual

Of it was such an amazing community why was she so desperate to move?

ilovesooty · 23/04/2023 09:57

marriage23 · 23/04/2023 09:51

I’d just keep chipping away. Comment on things in the group that others post.
It absolutely is unfriendly, but you live there now, so I’d just carry on 🙂

That’s good advice thank you!

I think as one PP you feel vulnerable after moving as it’s stressful. I agree I do feel very vulnerable and alone right now. Marriage is not in a good place. Just a brief hello from new neighbours would have been enough to make me think actually life isn’t all that bad. My MH is low and I feel everyone hates me lol! Just a quick hello would have made me feel not so low. I know it’s a lot to put out there but I wouldn’t have ignored a hello from new neighbour as we all know what it feels like to move into a new place.

You do sound low. I'm sorry to hear that and it must have felt unwelcoming. I hope they're friendlier in person.

FeelingLikeAShitMother · 23/04/2023 09:58

I think it’s quite rude to completely ignore. It’s not exactly taxing to stick a thumbs up on something even if you don’t have time to type a reply.

Original poster
marriage23 · 23/04/2023 10:00

Of it was such an amazing community why was she so desperate to move?

thats such a silly question! I was desperate to move but my last neighbourhood was amazing and I loved my house. My reason: to move closer to family so kids can see cousins more regularly!

OP posts:
Woolybear · 23/04/2023 10:00

It is rude and sounds very cliquey and hurtful 😔 Hold your head up high you did the right thing you were friendly and open and as other posters have said just say hello when you see your neighbours. 💐

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 23/04/2023 10:01

Personally I find Next-door better than Facebook for these things

We moved into our house about 10 months ago and people are really friendly on it, and answer any questions anyone has etc.

Beachcomber74 · 23/04/2023 10:02

Our village fb group has 2,000 members when someone new arrives & says “Hello We’ve just moved in” there are about 5 replies so with only 50 members maybe don’t expect anyone. I never bother but maybe I should now you feel unwelcome due to lack of response.

Original poster
marriage23 · 23/04/2023 10:02

thank you everyone! I suppose yes people are busy and I think had I moved in summer moods would be better and more welcoming. I suppose. Yes I’m going to carry on as best I can. I do feel really low.

OP posts:
Softsoftsleep · 23/04/2023 10:02

Op I would be hurt by this. I do find that these community groups respond more to questions rather than statements. Everyone may have been busy, read it quickly or probably assumed that someone else would reply and they all forgot. There is also more social pressure to reply to people they already know. Its really not nice but remember that they don't know you and aren't making a judgement of your character or your family. Give them the benefit of the doubt for now and see how the next few weeks and months unfold.

Viviennemary · 23/04/2023 10:03

I would take it down. Its probably more a post your photos and local news group than a jolly friendship group.

LlynTegid · 23/04/2023 10:08

You have discovered you have neighbours who may not become friends. Not that there is any obligation on your or their part to become friends. Perhaps better to have found out now rather than later.

Willmafrockfit · 23/04/2023 10:08

paint a smile on your face op

TakeMyStrongHand · 23/04/2023 10:08

People probably didn't want to be the first one to post. When I see posts like this, I would never comment or be the first and I think it takes a certain type of person to say welcome to someone they don't know and may not live that close to.

I bet if you asked for a recommendation for some handy work or similar there would be a very different type of response. Don't sweat it.

Livelovebehappy · 23/04/2023 10:09

Can’t even imagine living in this kind of environment, with a bubble of people being so invested in each other’s lives tbh. It would be my worst nightmare. As long as my neighbours are considerate and relatively civil, I have no wish to be part of some big gated exclusive community.

SockQueen · 23/04/2023 10:10

Don't take it personally. It's more likely FB algorithms/people being a bit lazy than them actively excluding you. Just join in slowly on other threads and get to know people that way.

Leftbutcameback · 23/04/2023 10:14

Yeah, just rude.

We have a road Facebook group (albeit twice the size of yours) and when new people introduce themselves a lot of people say hi, welcome to the road, introduce themselves back. It’s really nice and welcoming. I hope your road gets better.

MariaRemindsMeOfAWestSideStory · 23/04/2023 10:14

mumofgirls87 · 23/04/2023 09:43

Rude. If that was me I'd post a comment underneath saying BUMP (bring up my post) then if Still nothing, just leave the group.

No, bumping is so incredibly annoying and desperate.

Don’t do this OP.

ScribblingPixie · 23/04/2023 10:16

I wouldn't worry, OP. I have a holiday home on a rural site that you'd think would be sociable. When people post to say they're new and looking forward to meeting people, a few people post to say welcome but they don't really mean much by it, it's just perfunctory. I'd delete it & just meet people slowly in person.