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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be embarrassed no one said hello?

147 replies

marriage23 · 23/04/2023 09:02

Moved into a new home and residents have a private Facebook group which I joined. I posted on there that I just moved in with my family and nice to meet everyone. Not one person responded! It’s viewed by over 50 people but not one “welcome to the neighbourhood”. I didn’t think much of it but since my post there’s been at least 5 other posts where there’s been tons of responses such as people posting pictures of the sky, their garden, foxes coming into the development etc. etc. and been tons of replies! Am I BU to be slightly upset? It’s been 5 weeks since I posted.

it’s a privated gated community. I was looking so forward to moving in as I was sold with EA and previous owners saying it’s very sociable and there’s get-togethers every week.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 23/04/2023 10:17

Of it was such an amazing community why was she so desperate to move?
Seriously?
🙄

Derbee · 23/04/2023 10:20

It’s rude and unfriendly, and makes you feel like there’s a clique that you’re not part of.

But I must say, every private gated community I’ve ever experienced IS like that. They’re usually full of a certain type of person, who wants to live in a private gated community.

Slightly arrogant and rude, busy bodies, obsessed with the look of everything etc. It’s my idea of hell to live in one, because of the type of neighbours I’d expect to have.

We live next to one and they have their own WhatsApp group where there are always bollockings about bins/lawns/cars/deliveries etc etc.

They’ve even knocked on our door asking when we’re bringing OUR bin in (it was 11am on bin day).

Hope it improves for you. But I wouldn’t hold my breath that itll be quick!

CailinInUK · 23/04/2023 10:22

You’re not being unreasonable. I think it was completely rude not to reply. I’m sorry this has probably made you feel sad and silly. It’s on them, not you. I imagine that if one or two people had responded, the whole community probably would have. Sometimes these groups act like sheep! It can be like a popularity contest and they’re maybe protecting their crew. For the sake of your future life there, try to set it aside and see what the families are like on time. Give them a second chance.

Climbles · 23/04/2023 10:24

I think it’s one of those thing where if anyone had responded others would too but because no one took the plunge others didn’t either. Weird group behaviour. It’s definitely their problem, they don’t even know you so it can’t be personal.

Original poster
marriage23 · 23/04/2023 10:26

Thank you everyone. I’m sat here reading all your lovely messages and I’m feeling less silly and trying to change my thinking that it’s not personal. Thank you so much x

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 23/04/2023 10:27

You need to do it in person,stop and speak to people.once you get to know a few they will likely introduce you to others.
Getting so upset over an unacknowledged post is silly.
Make an effort and starting talking .
Your post may have been ott and put people off,who knows? But accept it has not had a reply and move on.Be positive.

MedievalMadness · 23/04/2023 10:28

Can’t even imagine living in this kind of environment, with a bubble of people being so invested in each other’s lives tbh. It would be my worst nightmare. As long as my neighbours are considerate and relatively civil, I have no wish to be part of some big gated exclusive community

Thats you. Others are different.

OP that was rude and I’m sorry you got no response. I hope your new neighbours are much friendlier in person.

CremeEggThief · 23/04/2023 10:31

Honestly? I would feel embarrassed too if I were you, but when you think about it, would it have cost anything for some of them to have said hi or welcome? They have shown themselves up.

You haven't done anything wrong here, OP.

Exaspa · 23/04/2023 10:31

Is this the first time you've encountered estate agents and their somewhat, um, economical approach to the truth by any chance?! Also if you've moved somewhere that people have mostly lived for a while it'll probably be a little bit before people even recognise you, let alone acknowledge you. I've lived in plenty of (non gated) places where it was at least six months before my actual next door neighbour said hello ...

IAcceptCookies · 23/04/2023 10:32

Gosh, I'd be embarrassed too! But really, you shouldnt be. You said hello, that's all; you didn't invite yourself round or presume to borrow anyone's lawn mower. People should have said hello back. Basic manners, and kinda rude not to.

Don't sweat it though. Say hello in person when you come across people, maybe join in a few things that are going on.... your neighbours are probably fine, but accept maybe that it's not quite as friendly a place as you'd been led to believe.

Stripedbag101 · 23/04/2023 10:32

I moved into a small development a couple of years ago. There is a WhatsApp group. I posted on it and was ignored! Not really sure why!

a couple of years later a neighbour works close by my work and gives me a lift if he sees me at the bus stop, another neighbour brings in my bin and people smile and say hello.

one neighbour has ‘tackled me’ about a tree in my garden which impacts his wife’s sunbathing. They glare at me every time they see me. I ignore them!

i did overthink the WhatsApp group thing at the beginning (why invite me to join then ignore me!). But now I just read their posts about dog poo and planning permission and contribute if I feel I have something to say.

Fuerza · 23/04/2023 10:34

I agree with poster who says chip away, post on something if it interests you. If it bores you, don't bother. Be friendly to closest neighbour. Be friendly to postman but only in the same way you always would have been. Be yourself, and wait.

I've had situations like this. Not where i live now, but I dont care. When I move ill try to be normal 😅

Outnumberedmummy2022 · 23/04/2023 10:36

I think you’re right to feel abit sad. Not embarrassed though, the people ignoring you and being rude should be embarrassed. Try not to dwell on it and just stick to say hi face to face x

daisychain01 · 23/04/2023 10:39

It was probably because people are like lemmings. If nobody starts the HI @marriage23 welcome to the Community nobody wants to be the first. If one oerson had done that everyone else would have followed suit.

If I were you, start engaging with individuals and you'll find your tribe. You'll probably find that out of all the residents you're compatible with one or two and the rest you have very little in common with.

ArnoldRimmerGivingQuicheAChance · 23/04/2023 10:52

I think it's a bit rude too, @marriage23. We have a fairly stable set of neighbours (the sort of road people seem to like and stay for years and years, unless forced to sell up or move for a reason unrelated to the location.

And I still remember how, on our first night here over 20 years ago (no fb in those days, really, neighbourhood stuff was all face-to-face!) the neighbour next door popped round to say hello on our first evening, told us when bin day was, how the recycling bins worked in the area, where the nearest convenience shop was in the village, and gave us a cake his wife had baked.

And that's why I've done for all new neighbours who moved in after us. It takes no effort to say 'hello' (I guess it doesn't matter if it's you or them who says it first? I usually get them a 'welcome to your new home card' with the bin info, local amenities, how/what type of pets we have (so they know, if they have pets, we're a very pet-friendly set of neighbours!), bus route etc, and I always make something edible for their first night when they may not yet have even found the kettle to make a cuppa!

That's what you'd have got moving into my road, @marriage23 - having the manners to say hello to a new neighbour (especially when it can be done so easily on your fb group!) surely isn't too much to ask? 🤔

HarrietStyles · 23/04/2023 10:55

That’s a shame no-one responded. I’d delete it and do another one with a bit more of a question that people can respond/interact with. Are you looking to meet new people? Maybe say we are new to the area, are there any other young families with children a similar age to us who’d be interested in meeting up at the nearest playground? Or ask for local recommendations of local things to do. Hopefully you’ll get more responses and a starting point to chat to the others.

Stripedbag101 · 23/04/2023 11:03

i wouldn’t delete and repost. It looks like you are overthinking it and getting a bit desperate. You don’t want to give the impression you will be one of those neighbours!

I would speak to people in real life - say hello - get chatting when people cut the grass etc. summer is the time when you talk to neighbours. If you have kids who go to the local school they will know some other kids - playing will happen organically. I don’t have kids but I see neighbours here walking to the local primary school at the same
time so chatting. My neighbours have even figured out my sister’s kids go to the local primary school and chat to her! That took about six months!

you don’t get to know people on Facebook - you get to know them in real life. They are literally all around you!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 23/04/2023 11:18

And again with the people making excuses for clear rudeness.

Yes it's rude. They saw it and couldn't even be arsed to thumbs up the post?

Stripedbag101 · 23/04/2023 11:23

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 23/04/2023 11:18

And again with the people making excuses for clear rudeness.

Yes it's rude. They saw it and couldn't even be arsed to thumbs up the post?

i think Facebook creates a false sense of intimacy. They hopefully wouldn’t have ignored OP had she walked up to them in the street and introduced herself.

yes they absolutely could have typed welcome - but to be honest I don’t engage on online forums in the same way I engage in real life.

OP will be living with these people for years, possibly decades. Best to ignore this, smile, chat over garden walls, wave from the car, let the kids retrieve their footballs, help tidy any communal areas, etc. that’s how we become good neighbours.

I couldn’t get worked up about a lack of a thumbs up on Facebook.

PollyAmour · 23/04/2023 11:23

I don't think it's personal. However, I think I would have responded by 'liking' your post rather than ignoring it.

Tiredalwaystired · 23/04/2023 11:28

Have you checked your privacy settings on Facebook?

HaggisBurger · 23/04/2023 11:31

mumofgirls87 · 23/04/2023 09:43

Rude. If that was me I'd post a comment underneath saying BUMP (bring up my post) then if Still nothing, just leave the group.

Eh no. Don’t do that unless want all your neighbours to think you’re a loon ….

But I agree I’d be quite hurt and I think it’s rude of them. Chances are it’s an oversight.

Blizzard23 · 23/04/2023 11:39

Rude.

ejbaxa · 23/04/2023 11:47

Yes, a bit rude.

However, I'd take it as a positive. You don't really want your immediate neighbours nosying into everything you do. It's better to maintain more distant but polite interactions without any falling out or nosy stuff going on.

KillerSandy · 23/04/2023 11:48

These local FB groups are usually a nightmare - someone always complaining about something.