To want privacy in my own back garden?

[OhFFSthisAgain]

The issue is we have gappy old shared 4 foot fence inbetween us and the neighbours. It is right a long so there isn't one place I can go in the garden where I'm not seen. They have a huge garden (bigger than ours so they have the option to sit further away, but they choose to sit right next to us) and literally against the fence; they seem very comfortable there. They are always out pottering around. They're a big family and out alot of the time.
I want to get a new 6 foot fence to give us privacy, this will improve my happiness so much, and mean I will use the garden more.
I was going to ask the neighbours if we can replace the fence as it is very old, we will pay etc, if they're unhappy with this i will put the new fence in front of it.

Dh who is a known people pleaser is so concerned about "what will they think," "it is awkward", "we're blocking them off" " what if they're funny about it, blocking their light" etc. He is making every excuse in the book not to do it. He won't even let me put privacy screening up the same height as the dam fence!

I am becoming increasingly annoyed by dh's attitude. He would rather please the neighbours, and avoid conflict when he never speaks to them. I actually don't think they'll even be bothered in the first place! He knows the privacy would make a huge difference to my mental health. I will enjoy the garden, it will be a sanctuary for me. At the moment I feel I'm in a goldfish bowl, and don't use it as often when they're all out, and it is just me on my own.

Dh is starting to get annoyed by me "going on about it all of the time!"

Am I really being so unreasonable?

@TheFlis12345 I agree, I told dh everybody will be much happier with the privacy. I think it is awkward all around at the moment, with forced conversation!

In the meantime, I recommend you look at this - Sport-brella Premiere XL. It’s a huge umbrella about 7 - 8 foot wide / tall, that you can use on the beach, gardens etc, for privacy. I bought mine from QVC. The normal price is about £59 but if you buy from the outlet, it’s about £39. Outlet items can be returns but you still have all the buying protections.

It will certainly help in the short term and cheaper than a fence.

Oops, don’t know how I inserted 2 pictures 🤔

https://www.qvcuk.com/Sport-brella-Premiere-XL.product.723863.html

This.

Order the fence.

I wish funds would allow @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune it is way more expensive than I realised. Screens for now I think.

@custardcreme77 that looks amazing, and love how it can be used for the beach too. Thank you for posting.

Get a new fence. DH is being dumb. For all yoi know the neighbours may love it!

@Phoebo I bet they will at our expense. They have alot more money than us, but are tight. We'll get one when can afford it, dh will have no choice, I'll tell them about it (over the 4 foot fence).😂

That’s beautiful.
You even have a cow😀

@custardcreme77 absolutely amazing.

I was looking for a new baby gift that isn't clothes. I think I have found it.

Thank you for posting!

@Titusgroan beautiful and functional. The planting...not the cow.
If only the cow would scare the foxes away. Forest behind but still they use the garden to relive themselves everyday ☹️

No not shared, It's their new fence and their side/responsibility. It's just been a nightmare for me the last two days. We want something we can just put on our patio asap to shield our patio area now like it was before, without touching their fencing. He's horrible is the owner and was rude to me yesterday. We have no idea who is moving in either, my anxiety is so awful about it all I was in tears last night. I just want nice new neighbours and privacy back.
At the moment Im leaning more towards bamboo in pots, and standing the pots on garden stools just to cover up/screen more at the top where they can see in fully until it grows up more

Does everyone else have big gardens? If I had an eight ft or even six ft fence round my garden it would spend a significant part of the year totally shaded.

We have a trampoline and the foxes entertain us jumping on it.
For you
Suggest more cows

ps
Your user name has made me want to watch the Hunger Games all over again.
I can feel a sesh coming on.

YANBU

Dh who is a known people pleaser is so concerned about "what will they think," "it is awkward", "we're blocking them off" " what if they're funny about it, blocking their light" etc. He is making every excuse in the book not to do it. He won't even let me put privacy screening up the same height as the dam fence!
I don't understand this "won't let me" mindset.
Stop asking permission of a man who values his neighbour's feelings higher than his wife's.

He knows the privacy would make a huge difference to my mental health.
And yet he doesn't give a shit.
He values his own comfort higher than your MH, & would rather you suffered than he manned up & dealt with any (nonexistent ffs) "awkward".

Dh is starting to get annoyed by me "going on about it all of the time!"
So stop.
Find some reputable Tradies, get some quotes, & just do it.
When DH whinges about it, tell him you went ahead because he was doing jack-shit to help his own wife, whose MH he knew damn well is badly affected by the inadequate fencing.

Good grief what a manbaby.

He's scared of the neighbours, he's scared of the memory of his parents' neighbours, & THAT is more important to him than your mental wellbeing?

Yes, I don't understand why they don't want privacy when we don't talk much, they keep moving closer to us and now are right against the fence! Dh thinks they're are trying to intimidate and get us not to use our garden?!

This passivity & people-pleasing - does it manifest in a Nice Guy persona?

Because NiceGuyTM is, in my not inconsiderable experience, just as selfish & manipulative as a domineering, overtly abusive man. NiceGuy just hides his bullying better, under a veneer of psychobabble & MenzFeelz. Note how he is prioritising the potential for awkwardness (for HIM) over your actual MH issue about the garden. Totally selfish & avoidant.

'Does everyone else have big gardens? If I had an eight ft or even six ft fence round my garden it would spend a significant part of the year totally shaded.'

We have only one neighbour on one side, and they have a massive garden, alot bigger than ours. It won't impact them because of the way the sun goes, we will get the shadow. They also have a short fence on their other side.

@SmallFerret you are very right. I went a head and ordered the screening. I can't unfortunately do the same with the actual fence, as we don't have the funds atm; with such a large expenditure it will have to be a joint decision. It is so expensive as a lot of fencing will need replaced. Dh agrees we will do it ASAP, cant see us affording it for 1/2 years though. I wonder if he is suddenly okay because he knows we aren't doing it any time soon! 🤔

@SmallFerret yes, I have told dh he can help attach the screening when it arrive. I don't believe his historic issues with neighbours should take presidence over my current ones.
He has said once the screening goes up, "we can get lights etc, and they'll think we're just fixing up the garden!" 😡
I said I don't care if they think we're blocking them off, because we are; if they say anything I will happily let them know it's nice for everybody to have a little privacy (and cover up the ugly old fence).

I love dh, he has alot of redeeming qualities, but I've noticed he can be selfish when it comes to emotions. For example if I have something, he has always had it too, and sometimes worse. He has a habit of dismissing mine, with a it's just this or that and no big deal. His issues however are the end of the world.

Sometimes i wish would be a stronger man, who just does without always thinking of others and their opinions, I would find it attractive if he would just go out in the garden and put a 6 foot screen up while the neighbours sat 1 foot away! 😂 In reality he will be out at night in the rain so they don't see him doing it, or rushing it when their cars are out.

Sorry that should say *he would be

Which screening have you gone for Op? hope it all goes ok

I ordered a roll or natural fencing screening. I have no idea how long it will last, but if it at least does the summer I'll be happy.

Weak men who are terrified of offending people but not you are very unattractive.

You could always partially create an oasis of privacy near the house.

Focus completely on their view being blocked.

If you google for idea you will find ideas.

Creative use of those camping wind breakers, or even making your own with wooden poles, inexpensive material, and an upholstery gun/stapler.

Willow screens are great too.

Good luck.

Thank you @billy1966 I cannot wait for the screens to arrive. I was in the garden yesterday and caught 2 of them staring at me from the window. I know it may be natural to hear a noise and glance, but this was a prolonged staring holding curtain back. I think they think we can't see them doing it. When they're outside they don't look, so they're closet peepers! 😂