To want privacy in my own back garden?

[OhFFSthisAgain]

The issue is we have gappy old shared 4 foot fence inbetween us and the neighbours. It is right a long so there isn't one place I can go in the garden where I'm not seen. They have a huge garden (bigger than ours so they have the option to sit further away, but they choose to sit right next to us) and literally against the fence; they seem very comfortable there. They are always out pottering around. They're a big family and out alot of the time.
I want to get a new 6 foot fence to give us privacy, this will improve my happiness so much, and mean I will use the garden more.
I was going to ask the neighbours if we can replace the fence as it is very old, we will pay etc, if they're unhappy with this i will put the new fence in front of it.

Dh who is a known people pleaser is so concerned about "what will they think," "it is awkward", "we're blocking them off" " what if they're funny about it, blocking their light" etc. He is making every excuse in the book not to do it. He won't even let me put privacy screening up the same height as the dam fence!

I am becoming increasingly annoyed by dh's attitude. He would rather please the neighbours, and avoid conflict when he never speaks to them. I actually don't think they'll even be bothered in the first place! He knows the privacy would make a huge difference to my mental health. I will enjoy the garden, it will be a sanctuary for me. At the moment I feel I'm in a goldfish bowl, and don't use it as often when they're all out, and it is just me on my own.

Dh is starting to get annoyed by me "going on about it all of the time!"

Am I really being so unreasonable?

@Littlebluebellwoods i wishbwe could
The fencing is a lot more expensive than I thought, it isn't an option, too much to get replaced . I think screening maybe our only option for quick fix. Any more than a foot over may not be secure, i wouldn't chance a trellis or anything too heavy either.

Just an update, when questioned today dh has said he has a mental block on creating the privacy, as awkward with neighbours from a past experience his parents had with a neighbour when he was a kid. It was an entirely different situation as his parents were friends with the neighbours, then had a big falling out. I don't understand how that is a factor in our situation. Apparently this takes precedent over my mental health and need for privacy.

I told him to stop telling me what I can and cannot do in my own garden. I then said if the fence supported it I would have a 6.5 foot screen along the whole lot, he then stormed off

The fence between us an our neighbours needed replaced and was a bit low and gappy. We occasionally exchanged words over it but tried to give each other privacy. When it needed replacing the neighbour asked if we'd mind if it was a bit higher concerned we'd feel snubbed or something but we're all happier with the higher fence and more privacy

Wood is very expensive at the moment

@2Rebecca

Yes that's just it, I think dh is worried they will think we are snubbing them. We barely speak though, only pleasantries. They also haven't helped the situation by invading our privacy and sitting right next to the boundary (right next to us). We have a smaller garden than them, so less choice on where we sit. They also are out pretty much all of the time, big family and mostly don't work.

I have 6ft fences but they have gaps in them so every time I was in the garden I could see the neighbours and they could see me. My neighbours are also a big family who seem to live in their garden so I totally get what you're saying.

I put up screening to block out the gaps. We can't see each other anymore but I can still hear them which can be annoying (they're seriously always in the garden) but at least I have abit of privacy now. Start saving for a 6 foot fence, it'll be the best money you ever spend.

@OhFFSthisAgain might i suggest getting a copy of 'Polka Polka Polka music and play this at the fence line every f;ing time they set up and sit at the fence on their side.
If they comment you extol the benefits of polka dance for one and all.

🦄👼

(my late elderly parents played this on repeat 😿)

My fence on one side needs replacing, and luckily my neighbour agrees - but he is renting, and the landlord will not oblige because of expense. (tbf, I can see why; two panels on the other side of the garden needed replacing after Storm Eunice, and I was a bit shocked to see how much the prices have gone up!) So some sympathy in that respect. Neighbour has now put up some bamboo panels as a compromise.
Could you ask DH to take over hanging out the washing, as you are too self-conscious? Maybe when he runs out of clean undercrackers, or every radiator in the house is gently steaming with drying smalls, he might feel differently?

Hi OP we are going through the same, our next door who own the house (it's empty they were letting it out) are selling and just replaced a shitty old 6ft fence(it was old but better privacy!!) with 4ft without saying anything did it when we were away, I'm absolutely mortified, I have autism and feel like I'm being watched, all I want is privacy in our patio area, it's right next to theirs and they are also higher up so whoever moves In can see straight over onto us.

It sounds a similar situation to you but my DH is ok sorry yours is being a pain. I'm also anxious about who moves in. I'm thinking of bamboo in planters like another poster suggested in three pots behind my seating. Following this thread for any ideas 😞😞 completely get you

This is our issue aswell with whoever moves in. It's literally right next to us

Are you planning to attach the screen to their fence?

You can plant also. We have 4 ft or so brick wall. Old neighbours often looked in or chatted and were always in the garden. New neighbours, who are lovely, are extremely social and will constantly use garden with friends. I've planted this whilst they do home renovation and before they move in.

I could have pretty much written this post last year @OhFFSthisAgain!

We also only had a low wooden fence and I was fed up with constant chatter from the screeching kids that live next door when I was sat in the garden or hanging my washing out.

They rent and it's actually the lady who owns the house's fence. I repeatedly asked DH to contact her as he has her number and I don't but he constantly said we couldn't have a high fence with the same attitude as your husband's and it would piss the neighbours off (we only exchange the odd hello here and there) blah blah blah.

I got to the point where I said I'd just contact a fencing company myself if he continues to be pathetic and then he wouldn't have a say in it. He soon got things moving!!! We ended up paying halves with the landlady (even though it was her boundary) and I've had a lovely 6ft fence with trellis on the top put up!!!
I can still hear the screeching kids, banshee shouting mother and the selfish dick with his crap music but at least I can't see them now and they can't see me hanging out my knickers!!!

It wasn't cheap and we had to wait a few months for the work to start but in the meantime, we put up a camping windbreak. At least then I could sit behind that and have a little bit of privacy. I feel your pain!

YANBU about the fence and until you talk to the neighbours you won't know if they might not feel the same as you and be happy to go halves which might allow you to have the whole length done.

You don't have to allude to privacy, which they might perceive as a slight on them, but that you want to grow some flowering climbers up a fence or hang some garden decor to pretty it up on your side or you have family coming to stay regularly with their bouncy dog and you don't want it running off etc. Any of these is perfectly reasonable. You can check the deeds of the house to see who the fence belongs to and take it from there.

If you have unreasonable neighbours you are going to know about it sooner or later, fence or no fence. Your DH needs to grow up a bit.

In your place I would be looking at what structure that you can put in that gives you some privacy long term and short term.

Plant bamboo.

In the interim get some 6ft camping dividers.
Get a couple of plastic plant pots and fill with concrete mix with a piece of pipe in the middle so you can stick your pole in it.
You can put these up and take them down easily and if you get the 6ft ones, you will have huge privacy.

Privacy in your garden is priceless IMO.

My friend bought a house years ago and it had lots to do in it, on a budget.

She managed with a microwave, BBQ and a camping gas stove for a year instead of a new kitchen, because her husband and herself agreed they wanted the garden sorted out with fences etc and completely cleared so they could start planting, ahead of a kitchen.

They never regretted it.

Their private garden gave them oodles more enjoyment than any kitchen would have that first summer and beyond.

I love our neighbours, they are great people who we have become good friends with and socialise with a lot. We still replaced the 4 foot fence between our gardens with a 6 foot one as soon as we could! As they say, ‘good fences make good neighbours’.

@Mangoflimtastic the fence is shared so legally within reason we can, as long as only on our side.

@TheRealKatnissEverdeen that looks amazing, thank you for the picture. Something like that would be great, and so pretty.

Just put the fence up.

@rainbowstardrops it is so frustrating isn't it? The worst part is dh feels just as awkward as I do, but reluctant to do anything about it! He has agreed to screening finally, he is stipulating "we can't go higher than fence the 4 foot fence." 🥱🙄 I've order 5 foot! I'll just let him help me attach it, and not say anything! He has agreed to a fence, but I think that's only because we can't afford it at the moment!

ordered*

And I'm pleased you got your fence, I think I'd be literally skipping with joy and out all of the time!

@HomeTheatreSystem I wish they would, i know they won't though, as they're very tight, even though they have more money than we do!

@OhFFSthisAgain oh it's lovely!!! When the fencing guys were here, even they commented how tall it was 🤣

@Mrstiggywinkle44 how cheeky of your neighbours, I'd be furious. Was it a shared fence too? If the new one is strong enough you could put trellis on it? Ours is old so unfortunately won't hold it. Yes I suffer from anxiety too, I'm 'quite' sociable out the front, but in my back garden I like privacy, and to know nobody will spring up on the other side and say hello (startling me). 😂